ONE YEAR LATER(LONG POST)
I am one day away from my first re-birthday and what a year it has been! It has been a life changing event and I thank God everyday that I was blessed to be able to come through this with no problems. You hear the horror stories and think, what if that happened to me, but here I am a year later to talk about it.
It seems like only yesterday I was driving to Barix with my family and loved ones and thinking I can't do this, I can't go through with it, but once I was taken in the back I prayed and I let go and let God. Whatever was to happen was going to happen. But I'm a survivor. I started this journey wearing a size 30/32 and was almost out of that size. A year later and 100lbs lighter I am wearing 14/16 tops and 18 bottoms. Sometimes a 16 depending on the make! I can't believe it. I think I was wearing these sizes when I was in middle school...lol!
I am so happy with the "new" ME. I wouldn't change it for the world. The other day someone asked me was all I had to go through, meaning the pain right after surgery and the eating habits and all that worth it. And without hesitation I said YES it was and if I had to I would do it all over again. This surgery saved my life. I was a "healthy" fat person but I was on my way to my grave. But I decided to take a stand for me and for my health. I can't even begin to explain how good it feels to go into a store and buy smaller clothes or see someone you haven't seen in a while and the don't recognize you at first. I have relatives I hadn't seen in a while who didn't even know who I was. It just feels great. It feels good to go out to eat and order from the kids menu or actual see the chock on the server's face when you need a take out box or have barely put a dent in your plate.
It wasn't easy at first and I will admit that I have made alot of unhealthy food choices during this past year but I have come to far to give up now. I have not gone through all this to mess it all up. I have started going to the gym regularly and I have started planning my meals much better. It's a little hard at night because I work two jobs but I always have a snack with me. It got better with time and I know it will be some rough days ahead but I am determined to stay on track.
Thank God for ObesityHelp and for the great support group in PA that I attend. I just want to thank Shauna, Dennis, Erin, Pat and the whole crew for keeping me in like and for giving me the support when I needed it and telling me how it is when I was downing myself. Thanks to BAF for their love and support. Too many people to name but they know who they are. A special thanks to my angel Denise aka Itzmyturn*2005*. I know we haven't talked in a while but I love you girl and had it not been for you I don't know where I would be. Thank you so much. Also to DeeDee. Thanks for keeping it real! We had our ups and downs but you are a sweetheart and I pray that everything you are going through works out! To all that I have met and talked to, you have also played a special part in this. I was going through bouts of depression over the past year but I was helped by alot of people who helped me to see that I wasn't a failure and that "STELLA"(my pouch name) wasn't broke.
I have come so far from where I am but at times I still see myself as that 340lb person. There are days I hate looking in the mirror and then there are days that I love it. I know I am losing but I still have the "big" girl mentality where I still sometimes order too much food or have too much food and I still always seem to go to the big section of the store and always getting the size I wore a year ago. I know it's going to take my mind a minute to catch up with my size but I will get there and when I do, WATCH OUT...LOL!!!! I have a long way to go to get where I want to be but I know one day I will make it. I know that I would not be where I am had it not been for WLS. I am thankful that I am still here to talk about it and that I can look back and say "WOW LOOK HOW FAR I HAVE COME"
To the newbies and pre-ops, it may take a while to get there but don't give up. This was the best choice I have ever made in my life and I'm sticking to that. To the post-op vets. Thanks for helping me make it through. If you or someone you know is looking into WLS don't hesistate to talk to someone about it. It could be the best thing you have ever done. Most importantly do it for YOU and noone else.
I WILL NEVER REGRET THE CHOICE I MADE TO HAVE WLS AND THAT'S MY STORY AND I'M STICKING TO IT!!!!
I read these and it makes me all teary eyes...GIRL I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU! i struggle with the mental thing too. alot i wish i didnt but hey if thats my only struggle BRING IT ON!... gosh i am so proud of you as i know you are of yourself. WE HAVE COME SO FAR! and yet still babies in this new body that we live in. im sitting here teary and sniffling cause i know you all are on this bus with me and even though i dont know you all personally i KNOW YOU inmy heart. we did this together...wow its been a year and most of us made it through vertually with no issues. i too will never regret this i am scared to though cause so many people have failed...BUT I KNOW with you all beside me i have strength to fight the bad choices. WE DID IT!!! year 2 here we come!!
J
But I wish you continued success and we are all gonna ride it till the wheels fall off!!! 
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