Going through stress and not knowing how to deal

I am sharing this with all of you because 1 you dont know me except on here and 2 i need help. My brother and I found out my mom was cheating on my dad. we confronted her with our dad she said she would stop and my brother cought her again yesterday. My dad is hurt buut my mom is playing my dad and my dad continually goes back to her and my brother and i are at a loss. we love our mom but right now not so much. all i want to do it eat...yesterday when my dad ws crying and we could not find him i ate so much i threw up 5 times....i dont know what to do when stres****s...this is the most alone i have felt did i mention my son and i live with my dad and my mom? this makes things way worse. i am mentally and physically exhaused and all i think about is eating .....i want the hurt to go away. my mother has disapointed me more than you can ever imagine. it sux cause all i want to do is eat and i cant trust me i tried and then i spend hours either throwing up or in pain. i know most of you will say go to counsiling but talking to someone is not gonna make my dissapointment and sadness and feeling of losing my family go away. im 34 and i see my dad as a fool....and this is the man i respect love and admire. my mother is playing my dad and i hate her for that........i just dont know what to do. i have this fabulous house but i cant afford it so i am selling it but how can i live there in that house with my mom? im mad, sad, lonely and tired. how can i be strong for my son when i cant even keep it together for myself?

Oh hunnie, I'm so sorry about what's happening. I wish I could give you some good advice but I just don't know what to tell you. Be strong and try to keep yourself occupied with something else, hopefully this will pass. Just remember how far you've come with the weightloss. If you ever feel like just venting or whatever feel free to email me or message me. Elisa

thank you elisa you are so wonderful you have always been a great listener J

Julie, there are definitely no easy answers for your situation.....I'm sorry that you are going through this, and I'm sorry thaty our so stressed out. I think a therapist, even if it's just a session or two, will help you find other outlets for your stress, other then food. Perhaps you can find that "other" outlet yourself, but eating yourself to sickness is definitely not the way to go. Exercise helps me, I was so stressed out today, I went to the gym and basically ran on the elipse machine for 25 minutes, at a high level and a high resistance. It took my mind off of things, and at the end of 25 minutes, I was tired physically a little more "quiet" in my soul...and was able to cope a little bit better. But you have to find what works for you.....for a lot of people turning to God at a time like this helps, even if your not relgious, Jesus is always listening. If just for your own sanity, try to find a way to move out of your parents place and into your own place as soon as possible. There is a scripture in proverbs that goes the long the lines of this (paraphrase) "it's better to live in the corner of a roof then in a house with a contentious wife" Meaning sometimes it's better to choose a peaceful surroundings rather then be in a place thats full of strife, and in your case pain. As for your father, don't be so hard on him. People do a lot of things out of "love" even if it's not good for them. I'm sure your mom and dad have been together for a long time, and I know that he hopes that she'll not do it again, or that she'll change. You'll have to let him fight his own "battles" and go through this on his own in part. This is not a decission you can make for him. I hope that things get more peaceful for you soon. Scott

thank you scott....your right in every way i need to find peace J

Hi Julie, I actually am a psychotherapist. That's what I've done for most of my adult life, counsel others. I left a private practice in June to go to work as a consultant for a major corporation. Still, even though I am a professional, I am also a post op RNY who can relate to what you are doing with food. I'm eating chocolate that is giving me a headache as we speak, because I'm stressed about seeing my boss at a formal dinner later, ugh! I have been stress eating and feeling sick also. We learned the behavior of nurturing ourselves with food, when we are emotionally stressed. A baby associates a full belly with contentment. It is something we learn early. Now it no longer comforts us, and we feel lost. It is understandable, life changes this big take a long time to re-learn! Talking about your anger, disappointment, fear is the healthiest thing you are doing. You trust us, that is why you shared that here. I grew up with a dad who cheated, and I learned about it as a teen, and I still get upset when I think about it. Some wounds are hard to mend. We have to remember are parents have flaws, all people do, and the only person we can really change is ourself. If eating is your natural inclination, eat. When you see it doesn't work, write. Let your feelings out. You can't numb this kind of anguish with food. You have to just feel it, and go forward, and allow yourself to grieve, then hold your head up and make a decision not to hurt yourself in order to have a physical manifestation for your emotional pain. Your child needs a healthy Mom to emulate, even if you don't have that for yourself right now. Your own Mom is probably dealing with her own issues of mid-life crisis, in the midst of feeling her age as her beautiful daughter(you) blossoms before her. She probably doesn't even realize how much this hurts all of you, because she is dealing with her own issues. I feel for your Dad, but remember this is their journey as a couple. You need to try to emotionally separate, and maybe even physically separate yourself from the situation, and suggest your Dad sees a counselor, so you aren't in the middle. Take care. My thoughts are with you. Rebecca

Thank you....i wrote my mom a letter i needed to get it all out...i am hurt. and i dont want to turn to food...it just happens but you know whati mean i find myself in the middle of it and the next thing i know im tossing chuncks lol i do have a jouirnl and i love to write....and it does help....im so thank ful for this group you all understand so much this is so much more than a board...its my lfe line sometimes. J

Julie, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through with your parents. It is sad that your mother is playing your father. As they say love is blind and your father maybe trying to hang onto his marriage especially if they have been married for any length of time. Love is unconditional, but trust is something that is earned. Do not be angry at your father because he is going through some major pain himself. You are right as well when most of us will say you need to get into some kind of counseling. It will help and you also need to think of your son. As you know eating is not the answer and will only cause you more problems down the road. You are too young to allow yourself to go back to where you first started on your journey. Please do not give up.. Fight if not for yourself then for your son! Your parents have to work this out between them. You cannot be their mediator because that puts you in the middle. You do have every right to be angry at your mother, but remember she is still your mother. God Bless -Bill-

Thank you bill j

Hello beautiful. Sorry I've been so bad at staying in contact with you and the other Surgery folks. This is my busy time of year at work and I've been dealing with major stress and money issues myself. Girl.... I am so sorry about your mom, I myself cheated (actually I didnt cheat physically but definitely did emotionally and mentally) I was feeling really unloved and not cherished by my boyfriend (who is now my fiance) we'd been together for a long time and had a kid together and everything. And sometimes you just feel like you need that person to make you feel better, the way food makes you feel better. It's a different kind of addiction, that person makes you feel good, alive, happy, like a hottie, and you need that. And it's really hard to break free from them, even though you know that you risk losing your family, because you've gotten to the place where you feel like you dont know what you're gonna do without that person. I felt so bad when my fiance found out (after the fact) that I'd had an online friend who I was emotionally involved with. I felt so bad, and it felt like it wasn't even worth it, but at the time I was involved in it.... I couldn't imagine a day going by without me talking to that guy on chat or on the phone. And afterwards I realized that I put EVERYTHING in my life at stake. Your mom is in the middle of it right now, and I hope she has the strength to right herself. It takes a lot of willpower to get on and stay on the right path. Regarding the eating, I know girl. I've been so bad lately. The holidays are almost a reminder of everything good and BAD in our family lives. So it's hard not to feel stress about it. Just remember that we are here for you, and we love you so much Julie! I haven't been on myspace lately because my fiance has been hogging the computer at night, because he uses it for work, and we now have a FIREWALL up at my job so I can't access it anymore! boo hoo! Please feel free as always to contact me at my personal email [email protected] Hugs to you from Cali!