Flashback

I went to Kick Boxing class and there was a new girl there...she looked like i DID! yea she was a big gurl. i could not help bu****ch her. she was trying so hard...i saw her make jokes to cover up for the fact that she was so big she could not do what the rest of us could....i suddenly found myself back to when i started...feeling the same feeling i did. i began to cry. i wanted to touch her arm and say i know how you feel. but she didnt know me i was just another thin person trying to "help" her and she probibly thought i had no idea what it was like to be big. BUT i did. i could not keep my eyes off her. she was me......9 months ago. i dont wanna go back. im scared to death of going back. I dont want to be that person i dont want to struggle to clim stairs or tie my shoes or sit indian style on the floor. That day when i left the class my heart hurt for her.....what she didnt know exsisted...this life i lead now as a non-obese woman. i still carry that "fat girl" inside me and she still feels the emotional pain of being fat even though everyone sees her as who i am now. onedaythat emotional pain will im and i can lead this life i am carving out for myself. but that day...that moment...i felt fat again....and i dont ever want to again. J

WOW... I know exactly what you mean and it does realllllllly flipping suck ! I think we may always carry the "fat girl" with us. In some ways I am hoping that I do but also scared that "she" will eventually feel like a weight on my back. We went bowling this past weekend. I picked up a bowling ball that weighed (I think) 13 lbs... It took all the energy I had to pick that ball up and pull it back to throw it down the alley- Hmmmm how did we ever manage to carry all that excess weight ? Julie... I am with you... I will do my very best to never go back there... It will take alot of strength but I am thinkin that it took alot more to walk around smiling as that "fat girl." -Terri

Awww Julie, you are such a sweet person. I thikn it's good that you have the fat girl inside of you, because that means you won't judge people. You know how it feels, and you know the struggles, you know how they got there and what it takes to get the weight off. I think you should go up to her and talk to her, and just ask her if she needs help with any of the moves. Just be friendly to her, because you do know how she feels, and who knows maybe she does need that.

I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. There have been several times that I've noticed people working on the weight machines that are the size I used to be. I've seen the same people over and over again. Being the pushy, over-friendly person that I am, I usually introduce myself and talk away. I've even offered to be work-out buddies with a few. Never fails, they look at me like I'm a raving lunatic and try to ease away. They even change their schedule after that so they aren't there at the same time I am any more. One would think I would get my feelings hurt and stop talking to strangers at the gym. Nope, not me. I WANT a work-out buddy! If I have to pester every single person in the gym, by GOD I'LL FIND ONE!

Julie-you are doing the most important thing. You are working out. It has become your new addiction. Addiction transfer at its best!!! You WILL NOT gain the weight back. I KNOW it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Julie......I had a similar experience. We went to the fair in September. As my boys were waiting in line to get on a ride, I saw a big girl trying to get on the ride next to us. The carny bum guy couldnt close the safety harness bar. He kept trying and finally told her she was too fat, it wouldnt close. She got up and made a bunch of jokes and told her friends she would wait over there for them. My heart was BREAKING for her! She kept her chin up, ut it was so obvious to me that she was so sad inside. Course the jack asses in line were being mean and commenting. This girl was young too, maybe 15 or so. I just felt so sad for her and then I got panicky that I could someday be back in her shoes.