Just Not Up To It

I'm sorry I haven't been participating lately. I have just not had the heart for it. I am starting to do better, though and wanted to update ya'll on things around here. We adopted a baby 17 years ago. She came from a very abusive home and had been born with mental disabilities. She was suffering from fetal alcohol syndrome, cocaine, nicotine and marijuana addiction. It is a miracle she ever survived, being born at 6.5 months and suffering all of her problems. Life with her has been a rollercoaster. She has had so many learning disabilities and we tried so many ways to get her the help she needed. She is a very loving person and was such a big part of our family. She turned 18 last Christmas. Since then it was a daily struggle. She could not understand why since she was an "adult" she could not enjoy all of the things adults enjoy. She wanted a driver's license, a car and a place of her own. This from a girl that cannot read. We have been thru tutoring, Hooked on Phonics, .... the whole nine yards, to no avail. But she was becoming a very angry troubled girl. On June 15, she left home. We did not hear from her for two weeks. The law said that since she was 18 we had no recourse. We could do nothing to make her come back home. When she did call, she talked to her Dad, very cold, to the point of rudeness. Seems she has hooked up with a guy she had been talking to on the phone for less than a month. (They were acquaintances from SC, but haven't seen or talked to each other in three years) He is not exactly a genius either! She has gone to SC to be with him. Anyway, my heart has been broken and I have worried about this child since she left home. I know that she will eventually come home, broken, and probably pregnant. Our family is devastated. She chooses not to have anything to do with any of us and it really hurts. Our grandchildren loved her so much and they ask about her all the time. What do you do? I know I have to let her go and make her own mistakes. If she were mentally whole I would not have so much a problem with it, maybe. But I know she will be used and taken advantage of and not even realize what is going on. So, while this has been going on, I have not felt like I could contribute anything worthwhile to this or any forum. I feel like such a failure as a parent that I could not give this child everything she needed to be a whole person. It has consumed every part of my days and nights. I love her and miss her terribly. We have been through so much together. I am trying to get back to "normal", whatever that is. I realize it will take time, but I need to get on a more even keel. You di not invest that many years in a person and feel nothing when they walk out of your life. Patricia

Hugs to you Patricia... Sorry for all that you are going thru. Just remember that we are here when you are ready. - Terri

I don't have any advice, just {{{{{{hugs}}}}}} Take all the time you need. I haven't been here either, and I have no excuse except I just don't WANT to. xosm

Patricia, I am so sorry to learn about what's going on with your daughter. I hope that nothing bad happens to her and realizes soon the mistake she's made. I can understand how it must feel to have a family member not want anything to do with the family. I've been having problems with a brother & he also wants nothing to do with the whole family. The sad part is I have a niece & nephew in the middle of this and I probably won't get to see them ever again or for a very long time. My parents are the ones I worry about-I really could careless about my brother, he's selfish & not right. Anyway, *HUGS* to you and we are here for you . Elisa

Hi Patricia-- I have not been in your position as a parent but I do have an adopted brother who suffered from fetal alcohol syndrome throughout my youth. Its affects on our family consumed all of us...and this was well over 20 years ago before there was terminology to apply to the devestation our family was experiencing. It took me a long time as an adult to try to understand why/what was going on. I just want you to know, that you can and will work through it. It DOES NOT remotely make you a failure as a parent. As hard as it is to accept that fact but you did raise a wonderful person who had to have an incredible childhood with loving parents. That's something she would have never had been given without you. Hold that in your heart when you're feeling down.