DOUBLE TAKES...

Hey all... This may sound like a totally strange thing but... How many of you recognize yourself ? I have been obese, fat, heavy, chunky, or whatever term you find correct, all my life. I now weigh around 185. I have not been this "light" since I was in Jr high ! Back then I never paid attention to my weight or cared about it. Now, that I am losing weight, have sagging skin, and droopy boobs I never really recognize myself. Somedays I am ok with it... part of the journey. Other days I am pretty perplexed and ticked off by it all. I have tried throughout the years to lose weight so many times. In the beginning of my diet trials and tribulations I would try to envision what I would look like. Having never been at a healthy weight it was always hard. "What will my face look like when I weigh something normal and healthy ?" "How will my legs look?" I think that becasue I was not successful so many times before that I just stopped the wondering about the future and the possiblity of getting to a goal of a happy and healthier weight. Enter WLS... I am losing weight, getting closer to goal with each ounce that I lose and surprised (yes, actually surprised) that I may actually reach my long term goal ! But still very.... very.... very.... surprised at this body that I now live in. I don't hate my body at all. Love it ? Hmmmm maybe not but I am kinda sorta feeling like I am walking around in someone else's skin ( Hell I wish whoevers skin it was though, that their arms weren't as saggy as the skin I am wearing now !) I was just wondering if anyone else is having these same weird kinda feelings and what you are doing to "get thru them." (Plus thanks for letting me vent !) - Terri

I don't know if I can give you an answer as to how to get through them, but I can tell you that I'm going through that, too. My problem is that I used to be thin, then enter anorexia and bulimia. I screwed up my metabolism and started gaining weight. I started over-eating, figuring that if I had weight on me, guys would not want me. It worked like a charm....only eventually I started wanting guys to like me and couldn't figure out why they didn't! What a quagmire! I became bitter and held to my wall that I created. I entered therapy and dealt with my demons and past abuses. *Enter WLS* I am free of the ties that bound me and I am getting thinner. However, I have also thought to myself, "What am I going to look like as I become thinner?" I won't look like I did when I was anorexic, so....? I, too, have bat wings and an apron gut that just hangs out with me all day long! It's getting better, but I guess all I wanted to say is I'm going through some of the same things. Good luck, Terri! We're all here with 'ya if you need to talk or vent some more. Jen Halliday 332/321/238

Thanks Jen... feels good to know that I am not alone with all the "wondering!"

Terri- In pictures that I see of myself, I think "who's that?" But when I look in the mirror-or when I think about what I look like-I still see the "fat girl"

Kayla, SHOOT! Girl, I hear THAT!!!! Jen Halliday

I think this is part of the 'disconnect' issue I am feeling with the folks on OH. I was thin 4 years ago before I got preggo and THAT is how I picture myself. I gained 90lbs with the pregnancy [putting me to about where I am NOW] and then the 75+ pounds after that [most of it in the year prior to surgery]. I feel so BUMMED sometimes that I've lost so much weight - people think WOW you lost 77 pounds - but then look at me, I'm still friggin FAT. I did all this work to be right back where I was two summers ago [I can't even fit into some of the pants that I recently found under the bed that I was wearing then]. It's like MAN this is taking SOOOO LONG - I want to be the woman my husband married, and well, that just doesn't seem attainable sometimes. I WANT to recognize the person in the mirror AGAIN. I guess I have a body dismorph in that I see the fat, but I never THINK of myself as a fat person - so it SHOCKS me to see myself in the mirror, I'm like WHOLY MOLY, who's that fat woman??? I had saggy skin before then, had even looked into plastics, so that part is not surprising me ... sadly, I just feel so jealous sometimes of all of you guys fitting into small sizes and being in ONDerland ... I'm finding it hard to feel like I fit in, but not for same reasons. Yuck. And realistically, will I ever be able to be that again? Sorry, I have the weird feelings, but obviously I'm doing no better at getting thru them. {hugs} xosm