I'll show you mine if you show me yours...

Me... It is really funny if you were to ask me about this a year ago I think that my answer would have been so totally different ! I am going to be 39 in August, yes, a typical Leo! I live with my wonderful fiancée, another Leo, and we share our home with a Shetland sheepdog, yet another Leo! I have two step-daughters (almost 16 & 22) and am a grandma twice over already(2 & 5)! My youngest step-daughter is in a residential care facility where she goes to school and has supervision due to mental health issues. She has caused me to go thru a lot of things that I never thought I would have to deal with in my life. But we have made it thru each "dilemma" and gotten stronger thru most of them so... I currently work for a small company that delivers and services fuel oil, kerosene, etc products and units. I really enjoy my job although I have a BS in Education. I spent years subbing in the local school districts, and after not getting a full time teaching job had to find something more reliable. Got into banking and then into retail/convenience stores before I came here. I never wanted to get thin having this surgery; I just wanted to get healthy. Pre-op I was injecting insulin, taking oral diabetes meds, stuff for hypertension and gerd. Right now I only take 1/4 of what I was taking for my blood pressure, so I would say that I have been successful on the medication front. I have been "fat" all my life so this transformation is at times very scary. I look at myself sometimes and don't recognize the person I am physically. But mentally and emotionally is something so different. I (alot of times) feel like I am actually becoming the person that I always thought I was... happy, more outgoing, more capable, etc. There are so many times when I am still "clueless" but I am learning how to deal with that as it comes along. I think that one of the reasons why I enjoy these message boards so much is because I know that that yes, we are all very different people but we are on the same journey and it is a great relief to not be alone in this. My fiancée is and always has been nothing more than wonderfully supportive. I know that he has fears about the impact that the "new me" will have on our relationship but I don't see that as an issue. I can understand his fears though and don't "blow them off" He was very worried about me prior to surgery because as we all know this isn't just some minor little thing but once I got home and he could actually see that I was ok he got over that. He is morbidly obese and at times we have talked about him having the surgery. I don't think that it will happen though. He (at least right now) is unable to give up that food addiction or food fix that he has come to know and love. I do my very best to not ever push the issue or allow others to make it an issue. He, like me, has to choose to do it for all the right reasons. Maybe he will one day and I hope that I am able to be as supportive of him as he has been of me, no matter what choice he makes. I am really enjoying this new journey. I am holding on for the long haul, and making every moment count !

Terri, TFS. I can't believe you're a grandma! I totally feel you about wanting to be [and now actually getting!] healthy. I hope you can talk your fiancee into looking after his health too, [no matter how], so that you guys can have a long happy life together! xosm

Hey, GG, great post! Who am I? lol I have a poem about that on my profile. I have been on a journey to find out who I am for about 5 years. My definition of who i am was filled with titles and job duties, but I have since found out that I am much, much more than that, and because I am more than that, I CAN be all those things to all those people. I am 31 years old...for 3 more months...lol. 30-something to me is scarey! 30 was cool, but when I hit 30-something, I just didn't like the sound of that. Anyhow...I love music! All kinds. I prefer Christian, or love-song (not ghetto ones) lyrics. I love jazz, rock, rap, up-beat country....just about anything. I love to dance, I love to journal, and write poetry. I love to sing...I am not good at it, but I love to sing with my almost 10 year old son. He always sings the guy part, and I sing the girl parts. hahaha. We have been doing that since he was about 3 years old. I love nature, I love flowers. I love walking and looking at creation. God has done a remarkable job! I love water, and the mountains. I love people, and listening to people's stories. Life itself intrigues me. My story is a lot like yours. I met my hubby on-line...before there was the "internet" on something called US Video-tel. A dinosaur of a computer. We met right before I turned 16, and then talked on the phone for 9 months before we met again. We moved in together the day I graduated from high school. I was 17. I got pregnant at 19, and we were hit by a drunk driver and I miscarried at 4 months. We got married when I was 19, and had Mathew (our son) when I was 22. He was 7 weeks early and stayed for one week in the NICU. He came home on Father's Day. This should have been the best time in my life, but I had never grieved losing my first baby, and I guess with all the hormones and post-pardom stuff, I got depressed. Real depressed. I gained about 220 pounds in a little over a year. I just about ate myself to death. I held all my feelings in, and was strong and kept up with the game and made everyone else laugh around me......while inside I was.....literally......dying. My husband finished school, again, (his first career was a cop, and I HATED it! Being the wife of a cop is similar to that of a wife of a military man...never knowing if they are coming home.) this time, he went to school for computers....... Thank GOD! I felt so much better. We moved to Austin, TX, and I used that as a time to start all over. I found myself at 425 pounds. I began to put me first, and work out furiously! I went from a food addiction to an exercise addiction. I measured and counted everything, and if I ate something 'extra', I did extra exercise to burn it off. I lost 92 pounds in a quick period of time........things were turning around.... Until....I fell in a hole on the side of a hill during one of my runs one day. It seems they had removed a tree some time back, and I the grass had grown up, and when they mowed it looked even. Well, I dislocated my right hip, RE-injured my back, totally blowing out 4 discs in my lower back. I went through 6 months of PT, and then had to have back surgery. I recovered well, and within 6 months, I was running again. We moved back to Dallas. I rededicated my life, and my husband accepted Christ as his Savior. We got involved in a wonderful church, and our whole lives changed! That back surgery lasted for 2 years, and then I went through therapy agian, and had another back surgery. between the lack of exercise, and the steroids they put me on to help with pain.....I was steadily gaining weight. Through all of this, I was trying to take care of my family. My son is so precious. He is the sweetest kid that I have ever seen. So compasionate and a wonderful little man. I am so proud of him. My last back surgery never took. I enabled me to walk again, but the pain has never gone, and with in a year, I was needing another surgery. My husband got a wonderful job, and so I opted for the RNY, instead of another back surgery. If I need one in the future, then fine, but I will be thiner and healthier and able to heal better. We have a wonderful church family. We are very involved. We have done everything from Teaching babies, to kiddos, to Youth, to adults.....to Inner healing and deliverance, to speaking at women's retreats and conferences, etc. Without my faith and belief, this journey would not be successful. I have been thorugh so much personal healing, being a survivor or sexual abuse as a child, and all the other things that life threw my way...I know without Jesus I wouldn't have made it through. As for who I am, I hope I am a reflection of Him. That is what I strive for. I amg lad you started this thread.... Sandra

Hey Sandra, TFS! I love to sing to my daughter too, but I TRULY sound awful. Luckily she still doesn't know any better;) I admire your running, I can't run, couldn't even when I was thin, I am just too cumbersome and all awkward. I love runner's bodies, the best I ever could do was about a 5mph pace on my treadmill, I did that every single night when I lost weight last time [I've since given away my treadmill no room here]. Do you think you will take up running again or will your back pain prevent it? xosm

Hey GG !! (what is TFS???) I most definitely want to run again! Only better! I have a torn meniscus in my left knee, and need surgery on it, and the Dr says I'll probably need a total knee replacement in about 5-10 years, but I am trusting God that I won't! So, I will have to be careful, and the Dr is ordering me a special knee brace, like professional sports players wear. anyhow...back to the point.....YES, I want to run. I want to do a marathon actually. My very best friend died of cancer last year...the weekend of my surgery, and I couldn't go to her funerl....it was in Louisiana. It tore me up! I want to run a marathon for her, and I am going to have her picture put on a T-shirt, and we have friends in Michigan, and New Hampshire, and we are going to meet and all walk together for her. She was such a wonderful person! You just don't find better. I love and miss her very much! I want that to be the first time I really run....but I would love to get into triathalons, and stuff like that. You know, GG, find what YOU want to do, and put everything you have into it! Just ONE thing!!!! That is all it takes to make you happy, and to feel satisfied. Just one thing. And it isn't taking care of your family. it is something that is just yours. You can own it...even if it is nothing other than scrapbooking! i like that also. But find what it is that really makes you feel like you have accomplished something. You may have to try new things, and find out that way. For so many years, I never DID anything that didn't consist of my family...so I had to start from scratch! It has been fun, and I know I am still learning. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to take some dancing lessons. I LOVE to dance. I use to dance like crazy in highschool. I will agian. I am so glad I did this young, so I can actually have time to LIVE my life! Find something you love......you deserve it! Sandra

TFS=Thanks For Sharing! I am so intrigued by running, I wish I was more graceful - or whatever it is that I don't have that one needs to be good at it. I'm looking forward to walking again, I think completing a 5 k would feel terrific. My cousin did a triathlon and I was pretty impressed - I doubt I would take it that far, but cool that you will - because you know you CAN if you put all you have into it. I still have to find my thing, I guess. [no offense to any scrapbookers - but it's definitely NOT that LOL]. My dream is to be really good at yoga, or I dunno, maybe even someday some ballet -I'd love to be able to find some grace and coordination - however I'm not quite convinced it will be possible for me. I still don't feel like this surgery has giving me time or energy to live my life yet. I'm really moody these past few days, I keep thinking it's PMS but then I never get a period, so I don't know what the excuse it. I know I said I did this to be healthy, and I absolutely DID, but even though my meds are mostly gone, I don't FEEL healthy. I feel sluggish, fat, cumbersome, ugly, and still, well, broken. I kinda though things would be different by now, I suppose I was expecting miracle. Ugh, I'm going to stop writing now, I'm just too much of a downer. :P xosm

you're not a downer...it is life. You know, I feel the same way most days. I have really really GOOD days, and then i have the just ok days...and then I have days like today......where I am in a LOT of pain....and then the days that I feel depressed. It's life....and it is perfectly ok to come and talk about it. Pretending like everything is ok is what got us into this shape in the first place. I am learning that expressing myself from the truest and most honest, raw place I can is very healing for me. Sometimes that is hard to do, and a lot of times it is ugly. As for the moods, I am dealing with that. I keep thinking "oh, my cycle must be going to start!".......then NOTHING. ugh. I have noticed that if I REST, make sure I am taking my vitamins, up my water, and make SURE I am getting my protein.......that things get better. as for the coordination......I am doing something called CORE therapy and rehab. It is hard, but let me tell you.....it works on you from the inside out! It strengthens you, and it teaches your body how to balance. I have always been somewhat of a clutz. many broken toes, twisted ankels, etc. Geez, that is how I ultimately hurt my back! I am very thankful to Dr Wagle and to Synergy, because I know that I will be so strong, and able to live the rest of my life in health. Don't ever apologize for sharing your feelings.....they are yours, and you have the right to feel them, and express them! Sandra

I read several posts on the Cali board a while back about feeling moody. Some said that because we lose weight so fast women tend to release a lot of estrogen during this process and this can affect our moods. Does that make sense? Hope that helps. I haven't felt moody yet but I have been told (by my sis) that I've become a *itch , which I think I have been to her but for other reasons. Elisa

Yes, I've read that too. I hope it's PMS, cause I'm WAY overdue, but if it's not, well, I guess I'll DEAL {shrugs}. I'm trying to learn not to take myself so SERIOUSLY! {hugs}xosm