I'll show you mine if you show me yours...

I know we all kinda sorta know each other, have probably all read each other's profiles, looked at the pics, made up a persona in our minds of our fellow February WLSers. I don't know how you all feel, but I don't wanna be defined by my WLS, or each pound lost or gained, nor do I expect anyone here to know anything else about me since that's all I ever talk about ... and again, my issue;) I just recently discovered I have pictures in my mind of who each of you are based on my own preconceived notions and well, flat out stupidity, but hey, I won't go there. I want to know more. Tell me something about yourself. Who are you? What do you do? What are your hopes and dreams? Ask me some questions of your own [yes, I really do have a unibrow, so I'll just clear that one up right off the bat]. Who am I? Some of it I'm still figuring out [geesh, can I get any older without actually growing the fark up???] but I can and will say I'm a 36 year old mom and wife. I still think of 30's as OLD, and I still think of myself as 29 -- with 7 years experience LOL. I'm happily married to the love of my life, we 'met' online as pen pals thru an old format that AOL had for finding pen pals. I loved him before I ever laid eyes on him, before we ever spoke a word to each other. Both of us were in a part of our life where we were sure we'd stay single and childless [by choice!] for the rest of our natural lives. He's the first person that I ever in my life believed loves me. Not a parent or a sibling or a friend in all those lonely years ever could convince me; my husband taught me unconditional love and I will forever be lavishing it back on him. Then our love took on a life of it's own. We produced a miracle child - though I don't really believe in miracles per-se. My now happy, healthy 3 year old daughter was born at 29 weeks [I was 7 months preggo] and she weighed only 2 lbs. We were lucky, I didn't die as expected [though I came close] and she was healthy and breathing on her own, just small. She spent a month in NICU learning to eat and growing and came home weighing 4 pounds. I quit my high stress job as a Medical Case Manager for MRDD adults to be her mom [to the detriment of our financial stability and to the total benefit of our child]. DH, who is a commercial fisherman by trade, gave up a lot of his freedom to work for the DSNY so we can have benefits and a pension. So who am I? Right now, I'm an important part of a very special family, of MY special family and I'm working really hard on ME so that I can cherish every moment. What do I do? Right now, not a single farting productive thing except maybe make the bed and get us dressed every day. Normally [before wound] I was the housekeeper and the momma and the wife. And I will be again soon. I'm happy to have the chance to be these things to my family now. I'm lucky to get to live every moment with my child as she's grown [and she certainly has grown]. So what do I do? I be a mom, I be a wife, I love my family; in the down time haha I wrack up posts on a few bulletin boards, my main interest at the moment is a religious debate one, but I also frequent the mommy boards. Again, I know compared to most I do very little. Yet deep down I know what I do is very valuable to the people I value, and I'm good for now. My hopes and dreams? I hope to be as healthy as I can be, to embrace my health and fight for it. I hope to be able to *THINK* about having another baby in 2 years, however I'm also content to keep our little family unit, well, little. I just hope I get to consider the option, even if in the end I [we] reject it. I dream about being ME, just better. A better mom, a better wife, a better housekeeper [for now that's what I need to be]. I don't dream too far past the here in now, because I want to experience these moments - even the sucky ones - and hold them dear. I value today, I value life, I value family and love. Yeah, well, sooooo... that's the that of me in 1000 words, more or less. I'm not about a size or a number or my anatomy, though I'm grateful and happy to be HERE with folks that understand that size and numbers and electively changing one's anatomy matters in the moment, sometimes a lot more than I want it to, but it doesn't define me. What about YOU? xosm

Wow GG! Thanks for opening this dialogue. You are right, we all have perceptions of who we think the others are on this board. Thanks for giving us a peek at the beautiful person you are. How wonderful that you have found such happiness in your marriage. Love is a wonderful thing! It is great that you get to stay home with your little girl. Cherish this time! So about me....Rebecca.....I am 44, born Feb. 24, 1962, I have live in 9 states, and attended 6 universities as a terminal transfer student while moving everywhere! I got married at 18 to a commercial pilot, my then best friend who was 28, and had my first son Justin when I was 22 and my 2nd son Ryan when I was 24. Now my eldest son is now 22 himself, and my youngest is 20! Time flies! I was a stay at home Mom when they were infants, and toddlers, except for taking part-time evening college classes. It took me along time to finish my education. Later, I worked as a makeup artist when they were in elementary school, and supported my husband while he got his MBA at Yale. My husband then worked in international business and traveled 80% of the time. We traveled with him some, and saw the world. When the kids got to be school age, we couldn't travel as much with him. Still he called everynight to talk to the boys and I, no matter where he was in the world. I began to feel like a single Mom, and was lonely and ate to fill the void. I then went back to school, got my Master's degree at 31, divorced my husband, lost 100 pounds that I had gained in 13 years of marriage, and when the kids were 7 and 9 and became a psychotherapist. One of my best friends in the whole world came to live with me to help me with the boys. Her name is Alisa. She was my salvation! She helped take care of the boys, while I worked. Every night we talked and laughed like we were at a slumber party. It was great having someone there. We became eating buddies and I put my 100 pounds back on over the next 13 years! I became insulin dependent, got sleep apnea, high BP, high Cholestrol, and migrains. I ened up on 12 meds. We wew in denial about the weights correlation to my health problems because Alisa didn't have any problems but high BP, and she weighed more than me, of course she is 9 years younger. She is worried now that the problems will come later, and is trying to prevent that. She went on and finished her Master's degree. She is now 35, and we are still one big happy family. She has helped me with the whole wls process. It has been hard for her though because she is trying to lose over 100 pounds the traditional way. I try to help her as much as I can, my rapid weight loss in comparison to her, has made her feel frustrated and depressed at times. She is coming to terms with losing her eating buddy now. It was rough for awhile. Now she is so proud of me and is so happy that I am healthy. She has no interest in having the surgery herself. Alisa and I live in Atlanta and the boys live here with us in a great house in the middle of a nicecul de sac, with a half acre backyard and lots of trees! I couldn't have bought this house without Alisa, I'm so grateful for her. The boys work and go to college. We have 4 dogs that we adore, 3 ****ers and a dachsund. My ex-husband and his wife live in Atlanta also, and we are still friends. He continues to travel alot. He sells private jets for a living. I am the Director of a private Counseling Center for executives, that provides treatment for opiate and alcohol addiction medically, and have previously worked with lots of different populations including in 2002 working with MRDD adults in an ICFMR, how's that for coincidence GG! I have done alot since I was a stay at home Mom. I still think that was the toughest and most rewarding job I ever had. My dream is to work hard and save enough money to open my own private practice when I retire. I would like to work with couples, and WLS clients. I specialized in couple counseling and also eating disorders for some of the years of my career, but have always worked for somebody else. I have a nice office now, close to home, great clients, and staff, and in many ways it is like a private practice. I enjoy helping others. My heart is still big, and that will always be so regardless of what happens with my weight. Love, Rebecca

Rebecca, TFS. It sounds to me like you have great love in your life too. Do your sons still live with you? I admire your perseverance with college and think your career sounds interesting. I would love to have found a therapist who specializes in eating disorders years ago, one that understood WLS now would be ideal, sounds like it could be a lucrative business in addition to helping fill your big heart! xosm

I'm 43, married, and I have a 21 year old daughter. I too met my husband online. We met in a chat room on AOL. We've been happily married over 10 years now. My daughter was discharged from the ARMY last year on disabilty. She fell during a training exercise and fractured her neck. My husband is an engineer. I sell insurance. I used to live in Kentucky but moved to California to marry my husband. One of my co-workers became a grandmother in January. The entire time her daughter was pregnant, I thought about how I would be a grandmother one day. I realized I wouldn't live long enough to enjoy grandchildren if I didn't do something about my health. So, I started researching WLS. Things moved fast! It was about 3.5 months from talking to the PCP and surgery. It was meant to be. I'm a big believer in fate. I think all things happen for a reason. I think the glass is always on the way to being full, even when it just as a bit in it. The glass is just waiting for you to drink the last bit so you can fill it up again. My husband is the eternal pessimist. He's a neat freak and I tend to just drop things wherever. I'm a talker who will talk to total stangers at the grocery. He's shy and hardly ever says a thing. Talk about opposites attracting. I could care less if I loose another pound. I was happy with the weight I was before surgery. But, I wasn't healthy. I want to be healthy. I wanted off insulin, diabetes meds, blood pressure meds, and all that other crap I took. I would refill 13 presciptions each month. This month, I refilled only two. These are medications I'll have to take the rest of my life no matter what happens. My arthritis is under control. I work out at the gym 6 days a week. If fate deems it so, I'll now be here to see my grandchildren grow and prosper. Terri

Terri, TFS! I love your positive attitude, can I quote you on my blog, as this inspired me: "I think the glass is always on the way to being full, even when it just as a bit in it. The glass is just waiting for you to drink the last bit so you can fill it up again." I hope you get LOTS of grandchildren and are around to enjoy your great grandchildren, too! xosm

Please feel free to quote me. If it inspires you, please share!

All 3 of your stories are so touching. Thanks for sharing them with us all. A little about me... I am a 28 year old stay at home mom and wife to 2 kids, a 4 yr old boy, Damian, and my daughter, Felicia, will be 2 in June. They are the 2 most precious things in the world to me, although its sometimes the hardest thing in the world to stay at home with them. I also am a part time Nail tech and I do manicures and pedicures on the weekends and some evenings when my hubby is home from work. My hubby and I met when I was 18 and he was 25. My best friend introduced us, they are cousins, so now our kids are related, which is very cool to us. He is a really really great husband and father and very supportive of me in my wls journey. He loves me big or small and everything in between and that means so much to me. Although I am considered a "lightweight" we all know what our own body image means to us personally, and even though I was lucky enough not to have any major medical problems due to my weight it was any future problems (diabetes runs in my family) that really convinced me to take charge of my health. Well, I thinks that about it for me in a nutshell... Patrice

Patrice, TFS! Gosh, I wish you were closer, I'd be your best pedicure client, I still can't really reach my feet LOL! xosm

It is fun getting to know ya'll. So as for me.... here goes... I am 56 yrs old and have a terrific family. I have been married for 36 years to my best friend in the world. We have 4 children. Three of them were born to us, but the fourth was an added blessing. After giving birth to two daughters and a son (35, 33 and 28 respectively) we were given the chance to be custodians to a 16 month old girl. She had been born at 6.5 months weighing 2 lbs and suffered from fetal alcohol syndrome, cocaine addiction, marijuana and nicotine addiction. The very fact that she survived all this shows her strength. Today she is a pretty normal 18 year old with a few learning disabilities and a joy for living that is unparalled! We adopted her at 2 years old. She has been a joy to us. We also have 5 grandchildren, ranging in age from 4-15. They are the icing on the cake. Three of them live in SC and we don't get to see them very often, but we talk to them on the phone a lot and email. The two youngest live within 10 minutes of us and we see them every day. My husband has always been in the construction business, and ran his own business for many years. I ran the office and was the "gopher". Two years ago, he had a heart attack and I almost lost him. The Dr said he had to simplify life, so we closed down the business and took an early retirement. We loved Louisiana and had always said this is where we wanted to retire to. So we sold out in SC and moved to the Bayou country. We love it here and are very happy. We dearly miss our girls and their families in SC, but our son and his family moved along with us and we still have the 18 year old at home. My home is where my husband is, so I am at home!! We are very active in our church and along with teaching the Youth Class (14-18) I am the Drama Director. I teach signing, dowel rods and acting. It is my passion and I have an awesome team. I have made this decision to have WLS surgery for so many reasons, the first of which is to be around for a longer time. I had co-morbidities that were cutting my life short and I knew that if it were to change it was up to me to make this journey. I AM a dreamer. I dream of many more years with my family and the possibility of holding my great grandchildren. I dream of a time when it is easier for me to do the things I love without fighting the issues being overweight add to the mix. I dream of being able to help someone to see that they can do this too, and that it is NOT taking the "easy way out", but it takes guts. I dream.... but I live in the moment, it is so sweet to savor the experiences we are given each day. Some good , some bad... but every grape that goes into a great wine is not perfect. However, when blended together, they produce a wonderful finished wine. SO some of my grapes are sour... a few just plain rotten....... but my wine is sweet and good! Right now, I don't work outside my home, I put my efforts into making it a haven for my DH and daughter from all the stress and anxiety of the things outside our doors. I feel it is important to give them a place where they can be themselves and not have to worry about being judged or accepted. They are loved unconditionally and completely! I feel privileged to be living the life I have. It is full of love and every day it is getting more full of LIFE. I love the fact that I am getting healthy again and am already able to do simple things I could no longer do. Looking to the future with stars in my eyes...... Patricia

Patricia, TFS! Wow, what an amazing gift you gave to your adopted daughter, so much love! I know you'd probably say you got just as much back, if not more, but not everyone has a big enough ego to be an adoptive parent, so I admire that! xosm