Have any of you dealt with personality changes???

After having WLS, have any of you noticed that you deal with stress or emotions differently? I am finding out more and more that I was really taking a lot more on myself than was mine to carry. Let me just tell you how I feel, and maybe you can relate...if not, I may be making an appointment with Dr. Steigleder! haha. (psyc) I am finding that my friends, family, Dr.'s, etc, are not really knowing how to react to me. I am hearing a lot of "are you ok?" "why aren't you more excited?" "You used to always be sooooo happy!" I used to make it my job to please everyone around me...I had to make them laugh and make them feel good, no matter what I was going through. I was "the happy fat person". I know now that I would eat and push all of my emotion down and create this great mask that I was so happy and things were all great.... Well, now....after WLS, I can't go eat everytime I am stressed out, get my feelings hurt, or feel powerless about a situation! I hate puking, so I won't eat unless it is TIME to eat and WHAT I am supposed to eat!!! So...as a result, I am having to actually worki on FEELING the feelings. I am having to learn that it isn't my job to make everyone around me comfortable, and that if I am stressed out (because my husband is about to under-go a major surgery), that it is OK for me to be stressed out, and I don't have to pretend that everything is great and I am not worried or concerned. I used to handle everything with jokes and humor. I still have a sense of humor, but I don't joke about things that really DO matter....in an effort to cover up the feelings attached to it...I joke about things that don't matter much, and I FEEL the feelings I need to feel in order to deal with things in a healthier way. I know this is long, but I haven't heard anyone talk about this, and was wondering if anyone else deals with it...and if you do...how do you tell the poeple around you that you are no longer accepting that position of responsibility to make them all "OK" with things??? Thanks for your input. Sandra

I have been dealing with a lot of anger with the relationship that I am in.. My BF is very supportive of this surgery.. But it is as if we are growing apart.. About the time I think it is okay, bam a bomb goes off. I know my emotions are all over and am trying to deal. I am going to call a counselor.. But he is afraid of commitment and I have given him five yrs.... and am tired of giving him my time....

Marie, Sorry you are dealing with this. it is so hard to deal with the surgery and changing our lives.......dealing with a messed up relationship must be exhausting. My sister is going through that, and after about 60 lbs, she just decided that weight or no weight, her marraige wasn't going to change...so she isn't doing what she should do, and had her surgery a year ago in Jan, and hasn't lost anymore since over 6 months. She is worth so much more than that...but she doesn't know that. Don't let yourself get stuck. Put you first. You have to. Best of luck, Sandra

Guess what? I am a psychotherapist for a living, and I can tell you that everything you just expressed is normal and healthy. It's true people often benefit when we over compensate to deal with our own insecurities! You are becoming more confident, your ego is becoming healthier, and you are doing what is necessary to take care of the evolving you. That makes the others feel insecure now. Give them a chance to adjust to the change in you. Those that truly love you will come to terms with the Sandra with high self esteem and embrace her. There is probably a little fear that you may not still "care for them" in the same way as you did before because your outward gestures have changed. Reassure them that you still care, and are the saming loving soul you've always been, just not as self sacrificing! They'll come around. You're doing great! : thumbsup: Rebecca

Thanks, Rebecca! haha...it is good to know I am 'normal'. I think that most people don't know quite how to take me now. At home I tend to get very aggrevated, and easily. Especially when I am tired. I don't like to be bothered when I am resting, expecially after a workout, or mowing the lawn, etc...........and hubby is all about wanting to be all over me. He thinks it is Christmas everyday, and I am his new toy! lol I know I shouldn't complain...most women would love for their men to be so IN to them, but I just really feel like I want some space. I homeschool my son, and I have NO time to myself. I have to go in the office and shut the door, and then they still come in and out ever 5 minutes, hugging on me (my son), and groping me (my husband). What a pain I am for complaining...I have a wonderful family. I have been with my husband since I was 15, and we've been married for 12 years, and we have a great 9 year old son...he is the BEST kid in the world! I just feel like I need time to just be alone. Afterwards, I am in a good mood, and have more energy......but at the time I feel like "don't ask me for anything...I have nothing to give". And it usually takes an argument, or me firmly saying..."I am going in the office and I do NOT want to be bothered...DO YOU GUYS HEAR ME???" then, they get all pitiful, because someone took away their favorite toy....ME!!!!! lol anyways.......I am not sure how "NORMAL" that is??? but that is my main issue right now. Before sugery I was in bed all the time, because of my back. i could barely walk. I can do so much now, and I do....a LOT, but when I am tired, I am done. and it can come on quickly...and they are so glad that I amup and about now, that when I need to rest, they don't want me to. Ok.there is a novel for ya! hahaha. You can send me the bill! lol thanks, Sandra

Hey, I too used to be the "happy fat person". Now I find that I'm stressed out enough with the changes, new body image, stricture, worse bills, etc., that I just don't have the patience to coddle everyone else, at the moment. Right about now, I feel it's my turn, and they can like it, or lump it, and that's not my problem, it's their's. Right now I'm trying to decrease the stressors in my life, so that I will be successful in this journey. I am responsible for my success or failure and no one else can do it for me. For example, my mother. Typical conversations with her are either one sided, or degrading/ derogitory. She can't see beyond he little sphere of reality, or chooses not to. I have decided that I will make no overt effort to contact her, as I see a marked difference in my happiness level, and tolerance level, after talking to her. Mabey she'll get a clue, mabey not, but at least I won't be "stuck" on the phone for more than and hour listening to how everyone is treating her bad, no one appreciates her, and every decision I've ever made, has been bad, and she's the only good person in the world. Snip, snip, snip. Sorry, I got caught up in a tangent about my mom. Don't want to make you "listen" to an hour of ME bemoaning my mom. I have a wonderful son.... Ummmmm.... My husband/ roomate is sleeping down the hall..... It's finally raining in Florida.... I have hanging tomato plants.... I'm still trying to sell my travel trailer... Pick a tangent, any tangent, but know that we're here for you and that you're not alone. Enjoy the journey, Gosh

Gosh, I am right there with ya on the Mom situation. It is hard, but by God's grace I have been able to know that it is her state of mind that makes her that way,a nd she isn't happy....it has nothing ot do with me, so i just let it roll off and land somewhere else, because I literaly carried it around for too many years. Update on hubby: he is home from the hospital. the whole thing was rather uneventful, and all went well. he had a couple of days of vomiting, but after all the anesthetic got out of his system, he was fine. I am tired though, and got a really bad sinus attack, so they put me on steroids...I hope they don't make me blow up! I had the munchies BIG TIME last night. I was finally able to go to sleep. How was your weekend? Sandra

YES! I am dealing with lots of personality changes. A lot of issues that have been in my relationship for a long time that I'm just now dealing with. And it's funny because I had an argument with my boyfriend last week and my first thought was I want to EAT something! But of course we cant do that anymore. I think it's just part of the growing process, you're becoming a different person physically and emotionally, you have to deal with your issues directly, not by stuffing them down with food. It's SOOO hard sometimes, but I'm sure we'll find an even keel one of these days.

Hey Liz......that is what I need...balance. I know it will come with time. Thanks, sandra