Katherine, I had been wondering about you, good to see you posting and see that you are doing well. I guess that the Drs have finally pinpointed your problems and have things going well for you. God Bless you, Nancy

Well, gang........after another painful bowel obstruction, I have to admit I am absolutely thrilled that my weight loss started again the last two weeks. My excercising stays pretty much the same. And I'm eating the same foods, too. But my weight is finally getting busy. Three months going through a 90 day platue and I lose nothing.....up 2 or down 2 pounds. It has been very discouring but I'm lost 12 in two weeks and I am very happy. I guess it will get the numbers on the scales down when (my body) has IT'S WILL, not mine. 106 and smiling again. (Did I mention that I and my neice walked eleven miles today? Never could have done that a year ago.) Love to all, Katherine

Joanne, I'm so happy that you have come to the realization that you need help and that you can ask for help. Does that not put you ahead of how you handled stress and weight loss prior to surgery? I have not figured out a coping strategy that doesn't involve my comfort foods either. It does seem to me that you have adapted a good coping strategy that still involves food. You made a wise choice - 2 graham crackers with pb and sf jam. Can you adapt other old habits and make them ok to use now for appropriate coping strategies? Maybe write them down. You seem so intuned to your body and mind. When stress takes over try one of them. I hear you about worrying about the old demon rearing its ugly head. I too, for the last 6-8 weeks have struggled daily with my food. I thought it was holiday depression and have taken one meal at a time. I have had to plan out my entire day on fitday before I put anything in my mouth. I had to change my eating plan (with dr's blessing) to only 3 meals a day plus protein shakes - no snacks. I can't handle snacks. Snacks were turning into grazing. Joanne, you have had such a stressful year. Good stress and bad stress. It triggers our fight or flight instinct. You are fighting by asking for help, and writing down your problems. You have not taken flight and just given up. Hope I helped some by my thoughts. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I have a very hard time asking for help. You have helped clarify feelings I have been terrified to feel. But, I too can fight. Warmly, Paula

I am back from my honeymoon. If you want to hear about some of it, it's in my profile. This is an entry I just put in. I am hoping someone can relate to it. I need help. 1/8/05: I have a few minutes to write down some feelings I have. If you want to skip it, please do so cause it is just going to be some self absorbed ramblings. I just realized that yesterday was one month ago that I weighed 189. Today I am 195. I have been fluctuating between 193 and 197. I was able to get into the 180's for about 10 minutes. Then BOOM...I'm outta there. How depressing. Every day is a serious struggle to not eat all the time. I am 11 months out and can eat all day if I let myself graze. THAT is what is hard to stop. It is not so bad when I am busy but I am not busy all the time. So on the down times (which seem to be many) I fight the grazing monster. Lately, I have been losing. Okay people, understand this, which I wish someone said to me, there will come a time when you are not as absorbed in the wls stage anymore. You go about your daily life. That is when things happen. I can't see where people say that 1-2 years out they can eat very little. I can eat a normal wls portion for a meal but then I want to eat again shortly after. My brain just wants to keep eating. Is it from depression, meds, anxiety, frustration, happiness????? Could be. I noticed that when I get anxiety I want to eat. I also notice that I want to eat when I feel down and lonely. I just don't know what to do about it. Don't think this demon we all live with goes away. It is there just waiting to rear it's ugly head again. Mine started coming back about 2 months ago. How do I battle this? I can't keep busy all the time. Thoughts of failure come into play when I see that I am not losing anything. Also thoughts of this dream fading away and life going back to the way it was. This is a lifelong battle. Remember how you battled everyday when you dieted in the past? It will happen again. Only this time you know it is for life or you wasted all yur time and energy and gone through all the pain for nothing. Doesn't make it easier to do though. It's even harder cause there is more at stake for giving up. This morning I got up and had a Hood Carb Countdown yogurt with a small can of peaches (carb clever brand) and 1/4 cup of Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal mixed together. Then my son came and told me that he was going to play pool with his friend and my sister and her friend. This went up my a$$ cause my sister has always tried to "move in on me and my son". He would never think about having his mom go out with him and his friend but he would with my sister. Green eyed monster? Yes and with good reason. Just don't have enough room on the internet to get through all the explainations. So as soon as he left, I ate again. Now mind you, I wasn't hungry. I just NEEDED to eat. So I had 2 whole graham crackers with peanut butter and no sugar added jelly. I didn't need it. I WANTED it for comfort. This is a major problem with me. I know half of what I eat I don't need. But I eat it for comfort. What do I do about it? I have no clue. I can't go to support meetings cause they are on Thursdays and I am in school. I have no friends to turn to. No one would understand this. So I turn here. I don't even know if anyone is going to read this. Probably not. I hate exercising alone. And most of the time I am alone at home. I am not working yet. That is on the top of my list for the new year. I already made an appointment with career services at school to help me with job placement. but that is a ways off before I get a job. And even then, I will be sitting 8 hours a day. I guess I am feeling pretty alone right now. No one except people here would understand this. I suppose just writing this down helps. At least I can see it in print and look back at patterns. What to do about it is another story. Joanne

Paula, you look great! I really like the cut. You have beautiful hair and a beautiful face for it to surround! Congratulation on the 152 loss also!