confessions...

here they are folks, its been quite sometime since I have been active on this board but I am back to reality here and realize the need for support from others who know what Ive been through and face the same struggles I have. This might turn into a long one but I need to do it to hold myself accountable for my actions. I was went down to 175lbs this summer after several surgeries that prevented me from hardly eating to eating anything with any sort of fat. I was the thinnest I;ve been since I was 13 and in a size 12. But then I thought I was invinisble and could eat anythign and wouldnt gain anything back. I went through a rough patch with a really bad job and turned to food to cope yet again. Boy, did I screw up. I lost track of everything I learned except for my water intake and I now weigh 200lbs again. I get so angry with myself that I didnt jump on that opportunity I had this summer to get down to 155lb or even 165lbs b/c that would have put my total weight loss at 100lbs and that was my goal. I think I still will getthere but not without everyday struggle. Sugar is my enemy. I hate eating meat and I find eating anything to be a chore. I have started running three times a week and do The Firm express yoga tape another 3 and take a day off. I have been slacking on my water and my skin shows my sins...I am like a big pimple!! I have stopped eating breakfast and rely on my coffee to get me thru till 11 when I eat lunch. I could always eat anything in moderation and the only things I ever struggled with were meats. Ive considered several times becoming a vegatarian but money is tight and buying things both my boyfriend and I eat is more economically sound. That also makes buying my protein powder hard. So here I am confessing all this in hopes I might get some words of confidence and reassurance from you all that you still struggle with your weight and I am not the only one. I am taking on your challenge Mary and will post my exercise everyday on here and my weight loss as I hope it will begin again soon. Its so easy to lose track of yourself in this stressful crazy world when you lack to put youself and your needs first. sarah

Sarah, Don't beat yourself up. None of us are perfect. You've made a huge step in the right direction by realizing what's happening and wanting to do something about it before it gets way out of hand. Don't feel alone... I haven't been the model RNY patient here lately either. I too have a problem with eating sugar now and have put on some weight since right around Thanksgiving. I try to tell myself to just not eat it or any of the junk I've been eating here lately, but its easier said than done. Sounds like you're headed in the right direction. Coming to this site and posting helps me adhere to what I know I'm supposted to do. Not only do I feel accountable to myself, but to all of my Feb04 buddies out there. I refuse to "diet". The only thing I can think of that I should do is exercise and go back to the basics..... protein, water and exercise. IT IS SO HARD!!!! Wishing you the best and always remember that there are a lot of people here who care and will try to help. I know I sure need it! Wanda

Sarah, Big hugs coming your way. Don't be so hard on yourself. You've come so far and are aware now of what is happening. I know you can turn this around. Caffeine can really do a job on your stomach. So be really careful with depending on coffee to get thru the mornings. Caffeine can increase your appetite greatly, also can leach calcium from your bones causing osteoporotheis (spelled wrong). Since we have such tiny tummies, coffee on a regular basis as well as the caffeine in it can lead to stomach ulcers. Please rethink your breakfasts. Protein drinks are a great way to get your protein in without eating meat. For many tho, they aren't as filling as eating dense protein. You are not the only one. I am maintaining and have been for months. My issue is with carbs --- I wish that I had never tried that first bite of bread a year ago. My brother 5 years out still can't eat bread, I sure can tho. Remember we are here for support. You are not alone. Do what you can to get yourself back on track. You can get the weight back off. Take it a step at a time. Maybe doing things like ... this week get back to drinking your water, next week add a bit more protein etc. On one of my support groups list, a number of people are following a low glycemic eating plan and have had great success with it. They found it more successful than a high protein/low carb diet for them. You still eat protein. One woman had stalled for ages on her weight loss and now has lost an additional 80 lbs following low glycemic plan. If you go to google.com you will be able to search for more information about it IF you are interested. Mary

Don't feel bad...I too have gained. If you read my profile...which I haven't updated in a while...I really need to do that...but anyway, you will see what did it for me. I don't want to make excuses, I did it to myself. It is easy to get back into the eating because of stress. It is just a tool....I have heard that since before surgery...and how true it is. I won't go into details about what has been going on.....you can see it on my profile. But just know...you are not alone. I have got to get myself back on track. Now that my WONDERFUL HUSBAND is doing great now...maybe it will be easier. Take care... CraftyAngie

No Sarah, you are not the only one. I have gained some weight back too and am slowly getting back down to where I was before. I do not want to "diet" for the rest of my life...I try to look at it as just making better choices. I know what foods are best for me to eat, it does not change that I have cravings for the worst foods though. I do not want to go back to the struggles of feeling deprivation and reward with food either. If I really want something not so good for my body, I make a deal with myself that I must eat something good first and then have a bite or two of what I was craving (less room in the stomach to gorge myself with it). To speed the weight loss to get to goal, I am making a conscious effort to try to follow the rules of the pouch as found on many sites (just type rules of the pouch in any search engine and you will find them). I am not used to water loading yet, but will be working on it for the next couple weeks. I wish you the best in your journey and know that you can do it. You did not break your tool, it is just a little rusty...you will find the way to make it work again. Thank you for being honest and sharing your struggle, so we all know we are not alone either, Dorothy