Feeling fat again

Nick, What a great response! These last 25 pounds are really vanity pounds I would like to lose. I'm healthy now.... no problems what-so-ever. And that is why I had the surgery... for my health! If these last 25 pounds come off, great. If not, oh well. Thanks!!! Wanda

Nick, When I told this to my husband last night he just said I was crazy. He doesn't see the imperfections I see and thinks that I wouldn't be any better off by losing any more weight. I do appreciate what you said about carrying around the extra weight. I work in fire science and have to take the firefighter's 'pack' test every year (walk 3 miles in 45 minutes with a 45# pack). I picked up 2 of them (about the amount I've lost) and tried to walk with them. It was tough. I do remember how much more difficult and painful it was to move then, but you know how we get, always wanting something more. I want to run faster. Might be easier with a few less pounds. I guess that's one thing. Looking at myself and still not liking what I see is the mental part I'm struggling with. Thank you for your kind words. I guess it's just going to take some more time... Linn

Hi Linn, Sorry I don't have any advise for you. I am feeling very much like you are. I too have been doing ok with maintenance for 5 months. Then...I went for this year's dexascan and I lost a whole inch in height!!! (They measure before the test, my baseline 3 years ago was 5'4 3/4", last year 5'4", now 5'3"). On x-ray, there is evidence of yet another compression fracture in my osteoporotic spine). Now I feel I need to lose 5 more pounds since I'm shorter. I do hope it stops here...soon I'll be a very, very short, skinny person with a dowager's hump on her back! My size 6 jeans fit loosely but every time I put them on I can't believe I'll be able to pull up the zipper. My brain cannot compute the two. I always think the dryer was too hot and I shrunk and ruined them. You've got some exciting things to look forward to. There's the upcoming half marathon that you plan to run with your mom. Train hard now and give the marathon your best...how fortunate you are that you have your mom to share this activity with. Then, you'll get your hard won prize - ps to get rid of some of that excess skin that you wear now as a badge of weight loss success. Sorry I've rambled on and on. Warmly (probably not a good word choice since it is 105 deg here now!), Paula

You know, Paula, now that we are basically through the main process, it seems like this part is almost more difficult than the first. It seems as though there is almost a constant pull in our minds between where we think we are and where we think we ought to be. I was surprised that I actually GREW. I really didn't, but I'm once again the height I thought I was before surgery. The weight really pulled on me, I guess, because I was only 5'4" when measured pre-op. By the way, ramble on anytime! My eyes are always open. Linn

Wow, aren't you lucky to have grown! That's a good observation about the weight pulling you down. Never thought of that. Makes sense though. Also, when we were so heavy, at least I, was soo embarrassed to be seen that I crouched down and stared at the floor. Maintenance is more difficult than the losing part...but not as bad as I had worried and fretted about. I am compulsive about weighing daily and still keeping track of calories, protein grams, etc. I gave myself a 10 pound warning zone (5 pounds below goal and 5 pounds above goal) because I was so paranoid about the scale reading exactly 125 each day. That works great for me. Paula

Linn, I'm not at goal yet, but am down 130 lbs total. Yes, there are days I feel really skinny and other days I feel fat. Sometimes I think it is result of our mental images and thoughts. Yesterday I bought a size MED addidas shorts and they fit perfectly. I was on cloud nine. Then last night I did measurements and realized I had gained 2 inches in my arms and legs total. I was so bummed even when I know that it is because of all the time in the pool and is muscle I am gaining. It is strange the tricks our minds can play on us. Have more to write but severe thunderstorm headed our way so want to get off the computer ASAP. Mary

Linn, You know I have had a TT. It will be 7 weeks tomorrow. I still feel fat. I'm not fat in my lower ab, but I see other areas that need improvement. I think I will have feelings on being unsatisfied the rest of my life. I feel very satisfied most everyday, and then feel quilty if I have a blue day about my body. It is something I'll have to deal with when the blue'**** me. I'm truely happy with my life, husband, family ect. I think we put such high expectations on ourselves. You should be so proud of yourself. You amaze me with your running and exercise. I aspire to even walk on the treadmill. Sigh... Afterall we are a society of visual beauty... and look at the people we have to compare ourselves to. They aren't *real*. My husband loves me the way I am, and what more could I want? I know I'm rambling. LOL But yes, I do feel fat again. Debbie

Yes, I have the same struggles. Although I am in therapy for the second year I my head still haven't caught up with my body. Somedays I think I look just fine others I have to lose this and that. Will it ever caught up? Good question that I don't have the answer too. Good luck! Happy Wednesday! Shirley

I just wanted to thank you all for your responses. It makes me feel so much better knowing that the mental struggles are there for all of us in one way or another. I didn't think I was going to have these problems, but it seems that no one is truly immune. Linn