Does anyone feel guilty?
I'm pleased, very pleased, with how I look after sugery, but I'm having a hard time not feeling guilty because I'm now thinner than my 20 year old daughter. She's built much like I used to be (only even heavier) in the derriere and legs, very busty and she's only 5' tall. She's very firm and really quite cute, but she's so self-conscious about her legs that she won't wear shorts, etc.
I want to feel good about myself, but I feel like I'm making her insecurities worse and I would never want to do anything to hurt her.
All she talks about is liposuction (which is dangerous and wouldn't help her problem anyway) and I won't even consider plastic surgery for myself right now as I'm afraid it would reinforce her ideas that she doesn't look good enough.
Does anyone else have grown daughters? And if so, are you experiencing any of the same kings of feelings? Please help.
Julia,
I think its the age and no matter what we do or say, they're going to feel the way they do.
I have a 20 year old daughter who is 5'2" and weighs 130 - 135 lbs. She thinks she's huge, and like your daughter, she thinks her legs are too thick and is very self conscious about them. She was this way before I had surgery. She is very conscientious about what she eats and exercises all the time. I do think I would feel bad if I was smaller than her and worry that it would bother her, but then again, I think it would just have to be something she would have to accept.
On the other hand, I have an 18 year old who is 5'5" and weighs around 270. She's had a harder time accepting my weight loss. It is so hard to see the hurt in her eyes. We are now looking into her having this surgery. She's been to Weigh****chers and a place called Positive Changes (hypnosis). Nothing has worked for her. Since we've started this process, she has started exercising with me and asking about the protein.
I think its an instinct us mothers have about our children. We don't want them to hurt in the least bit and if there is anything we can do to help, we will do it. But we also have to remember ourselves. That's so hard to do sometimes.
Wanda
My guilt is not with my daughter, as she is only 7. 
My guilt is with my sister. She is so dear to me. She could probably stand to loose another 25lbs or so. She is height challenged as I am. She has multiple health issues and surgery would not be something for her, and she isn't that much overweight. She has lupus, hoshimotos syndrome(thyroid disease), and hepatitis B, from emergency blood in the 80's. She has been following a caloric diet and walking some, when she feels well enough. We are near the same weight, although I am 2 inches taller and we are built differently. I love her so much, and I pray she isn't envious or jealous of me.
I also feel guilty when I see other beautiful obese women. I know their misery. I didn't have as much weight to loose as some women, but I was considered medically neccessary to have surgery. I sure wish I could have done it without surgery, but I didn't.
I am so happy that I don't have the health issues prior to surgery, but I still have nagging worries that I might have traded those for others, that won't be seen until later on. (insert worry wart here)
I try to keep my sister positive about her weight loss and her appearance. We all need to have praise from time to time.
Hugs,
Debbie
My guilt is with my sister. She is so dear to me. She could probably stand to loose another 25lbs or so. She is height challenged as I am. She has multiple health issues and surgery would not be something for her, and she isn't that much overweight. She has lupus, hoshimotos syndrome(thyroid disease), and hepatitis B, from emergency blood in the 80's. She has been following a caloric diet and walking some, when she feels well enough. We are near the same weight, although I am 2 inches taller and we are built differently. I love her so much, and I pray she isn't envious or jealous of me.
I also feel guilty when I see other beautiful obese women. I know their misery. I didn't have as much weight to loose as some women, but I was considered medically neccessary to have surgery. I sure wish I could have done it without surgery, but I didn't.
I am so happy that I don't have the health issues prior to surgery, but I still have nagging worries that I might have traded those for others, that won't be seen until later on. (insert worry wart here)
I try to keep my sister positive about her weight loss and her appearance. We all need to have praise from time to time.
Hugs,
Debbie 
Julia,
No children for me, but I have gone thru feeling guilty at times because of certain friends and what they are going thru with health issues and not being able to lose weight. When I talk to them, I try not to bring up my weight loss as it seems to make them feel awful about themselves.
It is hard at times. But I also feel that many people no matter what weight they are, are never happy with how they look. I hope that you and your daughter can work thru this especially if you feel you need plastic surgery.
Mary
This question is very close to my heart. My daughter who is 30 and I live together as I need a lot of physical help. My daughter had RNY 11 months before I did. She was doing so well. At her 1 year anniversay she had lost 134 pounds and weighed 165 pounds. At 5'2" she wanted to lose another 25 pounds. Instead, she is at 199 pounds and cannot seem to get back on track. In the last 2 years since her surgery she has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, hypothyroid, diabetes, plus her twin married and had a baby. I have tried really hard to help her to get back on track, but ultimately she has to do it for herself.
I too want to feel good about myself. She makes me feel guilty all the time. Right now I need support. After losing 179 pounds I have so much hanging skin. What can be covered by clothes doesn't bother me. I feel so ugly, because you can't hide your face. I look like a concentration camp survivor with sunken cheeks, loose skin on forehead and neck. I have a chicken neck. I was dealing with it pretty well until my pcp said I look like a heroin addict needing a fix. She thought that was funny but I was hurt. I went home and sure enough I do look like that. I've been hesitant to go out of the house since then -as I am very self-conscious.
Each time I go down a size I can't mention it at home. I do have a good friend that I can brag to and who helps me emotionally.
I have a plastic surgery appointment on Tuesday at UCLA. It's a 250 mile drive to LA. She is trying hard to be positive about the visit. Probably insurance won't pay for much -she wants to pay for my neck and cheeks. Can you believe that. She is so wonderful. She doesn't feel it though.
Sorry to have rambled on. This post ha**** a nerve.
Paula 
Oh Debbie...You just jogged my memory. Last year I was talking about trying for the show. Boy, I have plenty for them to work on!! I am going to check that out again.
Thankfully I never had reconstruction after my mastectomy in 98. It is a law that insurance has to cover it, including the other breast. At UCLA they'll be able to do a tummy tuck too as they will use my excess tissue to reconstruct both breasts. Wish they could add a little fat to my cheeks!!
Thanks,
Paula
Paula,
How awful that your doctor would say such a thing to anyone, especially his patient!!!!!
I had my WLS surgery and UCLA and the care there was GREAT!!!!! I hope your appointment goes well. What a wonderful friend.
I think so much of the post-op journey deals not only with food, but our emotional eating side. When we get off track, like your daughter has, it is hard to get back on especially if it has been for a while.
Sending you hugs.
Mary
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