One year ago today...Happy New Birthday

Hello everyone, One year ago today, I had my surgery! WOW! I can't get over how much has happened in a year! I have actually done it.... all that worrying about living through the surgery. Then the worrying about if I would be the one patient the surgery would not work for. Then more worrying about food.. how much, what kinds. Then the poouch worries.. is it too big? is it stretched out? Wondering if I can eat more than I should... Sound familiar? In some ways, I still feel like a prisoner of food. Also, I just discovered that things that used to make me dump...don't anymore. I can now eat grapes, and even dared to try a small piece of birthday cake. I discovered this when I was constipated and fed up with it all. I ate a few grapes, and waited for the dumping (as a relief for being stopped up), which never came. Thats when I discovered dumping is now gone, and decided to try a few things. So, now I am wondering why i used to dump and now I don't. That dumping was a safety net. It may be a good thing; I need to remind myself that I am in control of food, and not the other way around. I also worry about long term... has anyone seen Carnie Wilson lately? I saved her initial People cover issue from when she first had the surgery, as an inspiration to myself to keep fighting for the surgery. I also saved the articles after she had plastic surgery. And, I pasted her picture on the refrigerator..then and now. Granted, she is pregnant. But, she has gained an enormous amount of weight. I would guestimate anywhere from 70 to 100 pounds. How did this happen? She was very open about the surgery, but there is no information out there (other than the pictures) to describe or address her weight gain. I hate to say it, but I am worried that this could happen to me, too. That maybe all my bad habits will suddenly start slowly weaving ther way back into my life. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I don't want to go back to being big again. And, if she allowed it to happen, considering her celebrity, what went wrong? Another quick story... I am a nurse, and I had a patient who weighs about 550 pounds, who is 24 years old, and who wants the surgery. She also remembers me from when I was very heavy, and likes to ask a lot of questions when she comes in. Sadly, because of her size, she gets chronic swelling in her lower legs, and often has painful infections of the skin. Anyway, her mom had the surgery, too, about 15 years ago, when it wasn't a RnY surgery, it was simply stomach stapling. The mom took one look at me and said " I remember when I was your size after the surgery" (Mom weighs about 250 pounds). I asked her what did she mean, and she responded with "In the beginning, most everyone loses all their weight. But as each year passes, you will slowly gain weight back again, like I did." I didn't think it was appropriate to ask her how compliant she was, but I have to admit that her words scared me. Does anyone else worry that one day they will wake up in their pre-op body? I think I never really acknowledged my feelings, or even realized that I felt the way I did, until the Carnie Wilson pictures and my patient's mother's words this past week. DOes anyone else feel this way? Thanks for the vent. Today is a happy day, after all, but I needed to get this off my chest. Although I am so very greatful for today, I can't help but worry about tomorrow. How do you feel?

Hi Andrea, I can soo relate to your post. I spent the first 11 months postop focused in on losing weight, without really any concerns. Then, bam, on my 11 month anniversary Feb 11 I felt such a wave of panic. I weighed 127 pounds - 2 from goal. I don't know how to handle maintenance, I have never been successful at that before. I always somehow sabotaged myself although I had lost over 130 pounds two different times. I'm terrified of failure and afraid I am sabotaging myself once again. Yesterday morning I weighed 140 pounds. I am always grazing because I am feeling so stressed and anxiousl Not junk food, just regular food at inappropriate times and probably amounts.I felt helplessness and hopelessness trying to drag me down, once again. Luckily I came to the board yesterday and read a powerful post from Sarah Margaret (at 3:12 pm) about how she is struggling with a weight gain now and how we have to fix our minds along with our bodies. Reading her profile gave me hope in that I am not alone in this fear and battle. Andrea, thank you so much for sharing. I feel so attached to this February group and you have helped me again today to pick myself up, dust myself off, and continue on. All I can do is one day at a time and get support and inspiration from my family here. So many people have achieved their dreams I want us all to be able to do the same. Warmly, Paula

Paula...Hi, Thanks for your post. I really felt better reading that i am not the only one out there dealing with this. After reading what Mary wrote, I am thinking that I need to take one day at a time, and remember the basics. That will help. But, the issues surrounding food can be so overwhelming sometimes. I am glad I have this board, and all of you to bounce things off. It really helps.

I think that for all of us the key to keeping the weight off is following the rules of protein first and exercise. My demon is carbs. I still have the fear of dumping so don't overdo any sugar. Not willing to find out if I dum*****t. One support group I belong too has many people who had surgery back in 98 and 99. Many talk of old habits coming back and what they are doing to overcome them, keep them in check. Quite a few knew early on they did not dump so tested the waters big time and really regretted it. One of the women dumped early in the journey but learned she no longer dumped and had been doing sugar. She went back to basics (same diet that she was on right after surgery) with high protein shakes/no sugar and very, very low carbs. Stayed on it 2 or 3 weeks. Then tried sugar. Boy did she dump. One of the other members of the group tried it too with the same results. So they felt you could retrain your body to dump. I think we have all failed so many times, that we worry that history will repeat itself. I do worry at times. I am in a higher stress level right now and find myself grazing more. I'm not gaining weight, but know it has slowed my weight loss. I haven't seen any photos of Carnie recently. Remember tho photos can be so deceiving. I really feel the press is out at times to nail her as a failure and the angle they take a photo can really make a difference. Maternity outfits make a difference too along with how she carrying her baby. I have seen friends gain the same amount of weight and one look so thin (because she carried the baby into her back) and the other look like she was going to have twins (because she carried the baby in the front). Also doctors vary on what is a healthy gain during pregnancy, so if she has gained it may be a result of doctor's advice. Yes, it is possible to gain weight even after getting to goal. Yes, some do gain their weight back HOWEVER the odds are in our favor that this won't happen. Being active in a support group, being physically active, and staying in touch with what your body needs to stay healthy put you in line for success. I have seen on the support group (older post-ops -- surgery back in 98 & 99) where some members are still able to actively lose weight 3 & 4 years out. I truly feel that as long as we still have our "tool" we have the power to lose any weight that we have gained as long as we go back to the basics and follow the rules. I hope I never have to face a significant weight gain. Do I worry, sure at times. Do I dwell on it? Nope, try to go a day at a time and stay on track as much as possible. Mary

Your right about this tool.... I need to remember that. It seems like (for me) it all starts and ends with carbs. Wow, what a profound statement. I was always a chip, cracker, bread and butter gal. And, I will always struggle with temptation. The info on dumping was helpful; I don't want to open the door to sweets. I afraid it will never close. The bottom line.. I am in control here. I need to remember that, and thanks for saying it so wonderfully!

OK, I went to the web and starting searching for info about Carnie. I did find this site and photos .. http://celebritybabies.typepad.com/cbb_photos/carnie_wilson/ The ones taken this month of the lady in pink .... I don't think they look at all like Carnie, do you? The earlier photos do look like her and the ones for Jan show her with a very unflattering shawl so that would make her appear larger than she is. I'm not saying she hasn't gained weight, I just don't feel she has gained a large amount. Mary

I am glad you found these pictures. At least I am not going crazy. Although she is pregnant, those first few photos are about as unflattering as any I have ever seen. I feel like poor Carnie will forever be living in a fishbowl; the media pounces all over her, and never misses an opportunity to criticize her weight.

HAPPY ONE YEAR WLS ANNIVERSARY ANDREA!! Alicia

Thanks!

Hi Alicia! We turn one on the 12th together! You're looking gorgeous! Cheers, Rusty