Maureen's Journey-One year post op :grad:
I thought reprinting this here might find its way into the useful mental files of someone's thoughts. This shows where I am in my journey. I don't post much here as I post mostly in my British Columbia WLS support group. But, we are all a year post op now and other of you might see yourself where I am or might see yourself in another space that you won't mind sharing. I do hope this prompts some form of discussion of value to us throughout our anniversary month. 
The Value Village (resale store of used clothes) shopping discussion (in my home group) has fallen into my thoughts as I went to Mayfair Mall yesterday to get my hair done. All of the stores had sales with clothing for $4.00 and up. Even though I didn't buy I browsed without concern. I could have bought many things. I haven't shopped in a mall for decades. The ability to have purchased something is so empowering. 
I was thinking about empowerment. I give so much credit to Dr. Amson (my surgeon) for giving me back my quality of life. I am empowered by that. The surprise joys (a phrase I coined meaning: an unexpected complement completely unrelated to surgery discussion) are empowering. The comments and complements from family, friends and co-workers are empowering. My ability to do things I was never able to do before is empowering. So much has given me a great feeling of self. This group and our monthly meeting members are so very deer to me and are also very empowering. But, with all this, it seems I have forgotten to give credit to someone very close to me. While Les (my hubby) has been my rock it is not he that I forgot. I forgot me. I never gave me any credit in this journey. I never patted myself on the back for eating properly and exercising when I didn't feel like it. 
It's hard to explain. It's like I gave all the credit to all the people, places and things that helped me along the way. As a failure, I was never able to do this on my own. It was the thing that always eluded me, so, why give myself some of the credit. I was always a failure in this arena. While this thought is always with me it can no longer rule me.
I have been thinking about this a lot since I am nearing my goal and
the one year mark. At last Sunday's Curves staff meeting we were
introducing ourselves to our new staff members. The fact that I had
WLS and lost 127 lbs got stuck in my throat for the first time. I
didn't know quite what it was all about but I think that it is time to
get off my laurels and move on to life without WLS being the centre of
my life. I have to acknowledge that I played a role in this journey to
give me strength as the rest of my journey begins. It is a little scary
because now I have to maintain or manage my weight and if I gain I
have to take the steps to lose. 
This part of the journey brings with it some fear. While my pouch is smaller and I eat smaller meals I can eat more than at the beginning
of my post op life. This is the time where I could gain and I have to
be careful. Regain for me has always been very easy throughout
my life time. I'm not a new postie now. I have been at this a year.
The thought that I will have to be careful now for the rest of my life is unsettling at best. So, I will steal a concept from AA. One Day At A Time. I'll do this one day at a time. 
My life during this past year has been, in part, about accolades. It was important for my motivation during this first year. Now my journey is about homeostasis or balance in life. 
The Value Village (resale store of used clothes) shopping discussion (in my home group) has fallen into my thoughts as I went to Mayfair Mall yesterday to get my hair done. All of the stores had sales with clothing for $4.00 and up. Even though I didn't buy I browsed without concern. I could have bought many things. I haven't shopped in a mall for decades. The ability to have purchased something is so empowering.
I was thinking about empowerment. I give so much credit to Dr. Amson (my surgeon) for giving me back my quality of life. I am empowered by that. The surprise joys (a phrase I coined meaning: an unexpected complement completely unrelated to surgery discussion) are empowering. The comments and complements from family, friends and co-workers are empowering. My ability to do things I was never able to do before is empowering. So much has given me a great feeling of self. This group and our monthly meeting members are so very deer to me and are also very empowering. But, with all this, it seems I have forgotten to give credit to someone very close to me. While Les (my hubby) has been my rock it is not he that I forgot. I forgot me. I never gave me any credit in this journey. I never patted myself on the back for eating properly and exercising when I didn't feel like it.
It's hard to explain. It's like I gave all the credit to all the people, places and things that helped me along the way. As a failure, I was never able to do this on my own. It was the thing that always eluded me, so, why give myself some of the credit. I was always a failure in this arena. While this thought is always with me it can no longer rule me.
I have been thinking about this a lot since I am nearing my goal and
the one year mark. At last Sunday's Curves staff meeting we were
introducing ourselves to our new staff members. The fact that I had
WLS and lost 127 lbs got stuck in my throat for the first time. I
didn't know quite what it was all about but I think that it is time to
get off my laurels and move on to life without WLS being the centre of
my life. I have to acknowledge that I played a role in this journey to
give me strength as the rest of my journey begins. It is a little scary
because now I have to maintain or manage my weight and if I gain I
have to take the steps to lose.
This part of the journey brings with it some fear. While my pouch is smaller and I eat smaller meals I can eat more than at the beginning
of my post op life. This is the time where I could gain and I have to
be careful. Regain for me has always been very easy throughout
my life time. I'm not a new postie now. I have been at this a year.
The thought that I will have to be careful now for the rest of my life is unsettling at best. So, I will steal a concept from AA. One Day At A Time. I'll do this one day at a time.
My life during this past year has been, in part, about accolades. It was important for my motivation during this first year. Now my journey is about homeostasis or balance in life. 
Maureen,
Happy New Life to Us I am 1 Year today and I like you live each day "One Day At A Time" I have lost and gained so much in my life that thought of failure still lingers in head.
I go to Curves and my motivation is to get the complete set of the Zig Ziggler CD's in the first 6 months I just think he is wonderful. When the other ladies ask me how much I have lost and I tell them they say what is your secret I say WLS with a good diet and lot of exercise reguardless of what Oprah or anyone says it is not the easy way out.
Good Luck to Us off to work out,
Nancy
-121
Maureen, congratulations
Nancy, Congratulations
you ladies have done fabulously in your journeys! Take a bow.
I guess over the past few weeks I've been thinking a lot about where I"ve been and where I'm going in life. Having WLS has certainly changed a lot of things for me. Physically, emotionally and psychologically. I have always been a pretty healthy person surrounded by a lot of people. I always thought I had a good life. I did. I still do. It's just different.
I am about to celebrate my 5 year wedding anniversary. My husband fell in love with me when I was over 300 pounds. I owe a lot of my successes to him and his never ending support and encouragement. I love you, honey! I have a 3 year old daughter. I have more love than my heart can hold sometimes. She is all of me and I of her. I was motivated by her spirit and love to have the surgery.
I still struggle, with looking at my reflection in the mirror and forcing myself to recognize the face on the other side as mine. I have always loved the person that I am and will continue to be at peace with all aspects of my life.
To all my fellow Februarians...keep up the good work and keep plugging away at all those speed bumps in the road to success and happiness. You all have enriched my life more than I thought possible.
Denise
Maureen,
What a very powerful and thoughtful insight to your (and ours) weight loss journey....past, present and future. Your words are very moving. This gift that we have been given is a very precious gift and you are absolutely right when you say we must take this one day at a time. Thank you for sharing!
Take care......Wanda
Maureen,
Happy Anniversary.
Yes, a lot of soul searching/reflection during this last year and lots more to come in this journey too.
One day at a time is a great mantra to follow. Sometimes for me it has even been one hour or minute at a time. Life is feeling more and more normal as I learn to live with my new body that is healthy and so full of energy. I do fit the old habit demons at times, but so far I have been able to get back on track when I have strayed a bit.
Congratulations on all of your successes.
Mary
Maureen,
You have quite a way with words.
I too have some of the same feelings. Empowerment, feeling like I actually have control. Also fear that I will not always have this control, and will gain it all back. Also there is the bitter sweet frustrations, of clothes only fitting for awhile, and people not recogonizing me. Then having to tell them how much I have lost, and when they ask how (if they don't know already) that weird look people get in their eye when I tell them.
I also have these overwhelming feelings over the littlest things. I love that I can cross my legs. I sit there and cross and uncross them all day. I love that I feel pretty, and haven't felt this way in such a long time.
Also really odd feelings about my friends. I think it may really bother them that I have lost so much, and am still losing. It is ok, that I am still bigger than them, but it feels like when that day comes (if ever) that I am the same size or smaller, it will not be so good. See I have a good life, a wonderful handsome husband, 2 absolutley beautiful daughters, and the perfect job with an added promotion this year. And yes I have problems, I just try to keep positive about all situations, and not go down a negative spiral, which I feel is a cancer. I think that I made people feel good to be around me because I have always been fat. That was my weakness, that was my vulnerabilty. That was the one thing that I was completley out of control with. See I have always been the funny best friend of the most popular girl. It is so weird how I feel. I had to really re-evaluate my relationship with these women, and why they wanted to be my friend.
I know I have changed in more ways than one. My priorities have really changed too. I still have a hard time dealing with the emotions of all the serious complications I had. It is very weird to say that I literally lost 5 weeks of my life (while in the coma) It is also overwhelming at the amount of love and support my family gave me. I just feel so unworthy still to this day, and never know how to repay them. My only solution is to stay healthy, and pay it forward.
Sorry for so long of a post, but you really got me thinkng. 
Congrats on your one year anniversary.
Amy
I love that I feel pretty, and haven't felt this way in such a long time.
Also really odd feelings about my friends. I think it may really bother them that I have lost so much, and am still losing. It is ok, that I am still bigger than them, but it feels like when that day comes (if ever) that I am the same size or smaller, it will not be so good. See I have a good life, a wonderful handsome husband, 2 absolutley beautiful daughters, and the perfect job with an added promotion this year. And yes I have problems, I just try to keep positive about all situations, and not go down a negative spiral, which I feel is a cancer. I think that I made people feel good to be around me because I have always been fat. That was my weakness, that was my vulnerabilty. That was the one thing that I was completley out of control with. See I have always been the funny best friend of the most popular girl. It is so weird how I feel. I had to really re-evaluate my relationship with these women, and why they wanted to be my friend.
I know I have changed in more ways than one. My priorities have really changed too. I still have a hard time dealing with the emotions of all the serious complications I had. It is very weird to say that I literally lost 5 weeks of my life (while in the coma) It is also overwhelming at the amount of love and support my family gave me. I just feel so unworthy still to this day, and never know how to repay them. My only solution is to stay healthy, and pay it forward.
Sorry for so long of a post, but you really got me thinkng.
Congrats on your one year anniversary.
Amy Congrats on your 1 year Anniversary! I was 2-5-04. I just updated my file, and should have literally been reading yours. All too true are the feelings you've stated. I've had an uphill battle this year; and have rolled down to the bottom many times. Luckily, most of the time I pick myself up and start the process again. I can't say I'm even close to the goal that was set for me by the surgeons office - that woud be another 100 lbs. "I am going to go until I feel complete as Beth. When Beth feels she's achieved what she thinks is enough. When Beth is comfortable in daily situations." I'm not close enough to be able to go to many support group meetings, so I'm letting this support me. Thank you for your words of wisdom. They really hit the core of this whole thing. Keep up the good work - you're wonderful! Beth
congratulations maureen! i will be 1 year out on the 18th of this month. i too forget to thank myself for what i have accomplished. i forget sometimes what it was like to walk with a cane, drive a cart around the grocery store, and pray the restaurant we were going to had tables instead of booths! i was supposed to have lost 200 lbs by now, (was 377, now 232, ) i am so happy i took this long journey. i know i will make it to my goal. this is what i wished for everynight on a star for. how wonderful it is to read other posts from people who have come so far! who cares if some have lost 20, 40, 80, or more pounds..... WE LOST!!!! but we gained so much... thanks to everyone on here who has given me the strength to go on! happy birthday to all of us!
patricia wachsman 
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