I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE

Hey, Joanne! Snap out of it! Since when is losing 80 pounds a failure? Since when is it ok to compare people who are totally different in hundreds of ways? We are ALL pre-wired to be fat, thin, blonde, short, tall, lactose intolerant, stubborn and to hold on to fat. I think a lot of us here at some point or another felt as though we have failed. I have not. I refuse to. I will not let the fat win. I have read a lot of what you have written on this board. I have also read all of the encouraging words that our brothers and sisters have written in their support of you. Do you feel the love? Do you feel the compassion and empathy? You should. There is only so much the written word can do. Your feelings are real and you should talk to someone about your thoughts. Count your blessings, not your failures. Did I lose 100 pounds easily? Yes. Do I have another 50+ to go? Yes. Do I still weigh over 200 pounds? YES! Do I love myself? ABSOLUTELY! Good luck! Denise

I do feel the love. THAT is why I posted. I have been swirling into a depression. It has been coming on for the last week. Only someone who suffers from chronic depression would understand that. Thre is no "snapping out of it". But either way, I am just angry right now. Angry at myself, surgery, the way I can eat, the way that NOTHING bothers me. Tonight, and I am embarrassed to admit this, my son baked suger free chocolate chip cookies. The Pillsbury ready made 12 cookie pack. I ATE 9 OF THOSE 12! Not over the course of the day. All at once. I never do that normally but I just needed some comfort (damn depression). But 9! AND I wasn't full. AND I drank just before it so I should have been full. I hate my pouch right now. I hate my grazing. I can eat every 20 minutes if I let myself. Instead it is more like every 2 hours. I can't seem to control it right now. I think a lot of this is due to this time of year. Wintertime, I eat and eat and eat and then sleep. Hibernation. Come spring, I will be more active and eat less. It's a pattern with me. I pray that come spring, my back will be healed so I can do things. People have said to exercise to relieve the depression. Doesn't work with me. I never get that "high" feeling after a workout. I never get that energized feeling. Most of the time I just want to sit down and relax afterward. See why I feel like a failure? Joanne

Joanne, I was a bit harsh, I apologize. I do not suffer from depression and I do know enough that "snapping out of it" is not a possibility. This time of the year is awful for so many reasons. It is so damn cold here today. You are not the only one suffering from grazing and eating continuously. I do it too. It is on my mind a lot. I ate two pieces of cinnamon raisin toast this morning with butter. I want a blueberry muffin that I made last night and I want to make chocolate chip cookies from scratch. I don't want my daughter to be heavy. She's 3 now and she is at the 97th %ile in height and weight. It is always on my mind. She loves junk, so does my husband, who does not have to worry about his weight. Only you can comfort yourself. I"m looking for new outlets. Eating is bad, shopping is bad, reading is ok, but I want to snack. It's a struggle. You are not alone in your struggle...........I'm here too. Take care and give yourself a hug from me. Denise

You have not gone through this for nothing. I have diabets too and you have to keep on fighting it don't let it win. I too have only lost 80 lbs. but I keep on tring every day. Just remenber that we are better off now then before you had surgery. HANG IN THERE KEEP ON!

Hi Joanne, You may feel like giving up but dig your heels in and fight. You are a strong woman. You are a fighter not someone who runs away from adversity. Look at all you have been through this past year. One thing upon another. Please continue to fight the biggest fight of your life, the fight to be free of the weight that has been holding you back too long. I have lost 92 pounds since surgery plus another 80 during the 2 years prior. Many, many people have lost more than I in 11 months. I still haven't been given the ok to even walk as exercise by my pain doc. My weight loss journey hasn't been perfect. That's my reality. We have to be able to work within our guidelines to dig in and do the best we can with what we have. That's been a hard lesson for a perfectionist like myself to learn. I am sorry about the retinopathy. Added to all the other things that have happened last year it probably seems like the last straw. But Joanne, you are not a failure. It doesn't matter if it takes us 9 or 19 or more months to lose our weight really. I needed to remember that too today. Let's dig in our heels and make a new commitment to ridding ourselves of this burden. Take care. Paula

Hang in there girl!!! So sorry to hear about your vision. Whatever you do dont give up! Im right there along with you regarding weight loss. I have been stuck stuck stuck. I sent you an e-mail! We can do this. Its hard but we can do it! Keep on going even if its looking like its not working. Because if we do give up then thats it and a 2 pound gain will then be a 4 pound gain the next week... 8 pounds the next 16 pounds the next.... you get my point. This is a super struggle but we can do it! Hold strong! Elizabeth M