I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE

Hello everyone, Well I am approaching my one year anniversary. I have only lost 80 lbs. Seems I can only lose when I have under 20 carbs. Tghat is so hard to live by now. Before was easy. I didn't eat much anyway. But now that I can eat more, and graze, it is much harder to keep them under 20. I bought the book South Beach Diet. Hopefully that will help. I am again on a plateau. Now for even more bad news. I developed a blurry spot in my left eye. I went tot he docs and he checked both eyes. Long story short, I have diabetes in both eyes. I thought I would be healthy when I had this surgery. But it seems that things are getting worse. I break my ribs, back, and now diabetes in my eyes. So I am a failure at losing and I am going to have to battle losing my sight. I may be 80 lbs lighter, but I could have done that without surgery. I re-routed for nothing. My diabetes may be gone in my body but the damage is there. I feel like giving up. Joanne

Joanne, First and foremost YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You have lost 80 lbs and have come so far. Yes, you have gone thru some bad times with breaking your ribs, your back, and damage in your eyes from diabetes. But I really want you to focus on where you would be IF you had not had your surgery and had these things happen at your heaviest weight. You wouldn't of recovered as quickly AND the damage would/could of been much much worse. My brother-in-law just lost part of his leg to diabetes a few months back. It wasn't in control and he got an infection. It has been awful for him with surgeries (numerous ones on the leg), rehab etc. My mom is currently in the hospital in critical care. She has diabetes and is on dialysis 3 days a week. We are facing major decision right now and there is a chance she will lose both of her legs or her life. She isn't strong enough to go thru surgery at this point. I have watched her deteriorate the last few months. Yes, you have had some problems ... but I am going to do some tough love here because I care about you and the rest of the gang here on the board. I am not going to let you focus on the negatives life has dealt you. I want you to focus on the positives ... because of this surgery you are healthier and stronger than ever before. We put too much emphasis on how much weight we have lost at times. You say you are a failure at 80 lbs gone. Does that make me a failure too at 76 lbs since surgery????? I certainly don't see myself as a failure and I would hope no one else does either AND I definitely don't see you as a failure either. I have Keratoconus in both of my eyes. One eye is far worse than the other. But I can still function, drive, enjoy life. At some point I may lose my sight. The only possible cure/solution is a cornea transplant and there is no guarantee with that. Yes, at times it is disheartently and at times I get scared. BUT I have done lots of research, joined support groups on line and it truly as helped. You would be amazed how many others will have the same problem as you. The message boards can be so beneficial with sharing of knowledge and new discoveries. You still have hope, don't give up. Now, I'm sending you big hugs. It's OK to feel bad for a while but don't let it take over your life or push you down. You are a success. Mary

I FEEL like a failure. I should have lost more. I have been on too many plateaus and long, long ones. This was supposed to be my honeymoon time. The time that I lost the most. But I spent most of that time on plateaus. I feel cheated. And EVERY carb I eat messes me up. I hate reading when so and so lost 100 lbs in 7 months. I am very angry with the way it went for me. I do regret it. I honestly don't think I would have broke bones if I weighed more. i think it would have "cushioned" me. I am not saying at all that I want to be fat. I guess all I wanted was that first year, that honeymoon without plateaus. Now it is gone, over, my chance of a honeymoon is over and I have only lost 80. Actually you have lost a lot more than 80. You lost quite a bit pre-op. I am not saying either that others are failures. I am saying I am. Joanne

Joanne, Yes, I did lose 50 lbs as a pre-op. I had absolutely no choice. I was told that if I didn't get the weight off the surgery would be cancelled and I knew they weren't kidding. I did Weigh****chers for 6 months (lost 26 lbs) and then South Beach for 3 to lose the other 24 lbs. It was hard and I know I wouldn't of been able to keep the weight off without the surgery and my "tool". I have been going up and down 3 lbs since November. I'm just now down 2 lbs to a new low. I had plateaus too, but I keep on going. Sometimes I felt like a failure too, but regrouped and focused on what I had accomplished. I have lost 126 lbs total and have another 50 or more to go to get my BMI to a normal range. My surgeon believes in an average of 2 to 3 lbs per week. So now I am below the average as a post-op. Up until October I was right on average. I know you weren't saying any of us were failures. I just wanted to give you some perspective to the big picture ... because if you are a failure then I am too. I was told our "honeymoon" period is 18 months not 12. Also I belong to a group at UCLA that are old timers (surgery done back in 1999 for many of them) and newbies like me. I have seen post after post of people with stalled weight loss and being 3 years or more out from surgery that have gotten back to losing weight by following the rules. So you still have hope and your losing time is not over. Don't give up and don't feel badly. Stay on track, follow the rules of high protein/low carb, and exercise. You will lose more weight. I just want to show you that you are not alone. Mary

Joanne, Please don't feel that way! I was feeling that way just a few months ago when I realized my neurapathy had gotten so much worse than I ever realized. It was because I was a uncontrolled diabetic for over 10 years and neglected my health yes now I don't require any medications but the damage was already done so I must suffer the consequenses. You are doing great look at all you have over come with the broken bones and you have still managed to mantain a weight loss I think you are doing great, you aren't through yet just kick that nasty plateau in the butt and you will get it started again, it will happen for you. You are looking so beautiful and happy in your new picture married life must really agree with you, Nancy

I love married life. That is the look I give when I look at Dan (he was taking the pic) As for the diabetes, I am having surgery soon to take care of the left eye. The damage I have now will not go away. But....I feel let down. The easiest part of losing weight is over and I missed it all. Cause of plateaus and carbs. Anything over 20 carbs and I stop losing. And it doesn't take much at all to gain. Yes I lost 80. I have 30 more to go and it is near impossible for me to lose anymore. I am finding it so hard to stick to 20 carbs. I wanted it to be easy to lose in the first year like it was for most people. Joanne

joanne, i too felt like such a failure in this new way of life... i was so jealous of everyone losing so fast and of those who had started out at a weight i wasn't even at yet! but, i wanted to do this for me... i was taking 100+ ml of insulin a day last year with blood sugars in the 400's! today, i only take one actos, and have blood sugars of 106-110. my doctor said he will probably take me off of the actos soon. i guess what i'm trying to say is you NEVER know what is going to happen on this crazy weight loss ride. my only advice to you is.. YOU ARE A WINNER! we have almost made it one year... and we are lighter than we were 1 year ago! i know how frustrating it is, but try not to give up.. i don't even count carbs. try just eating what you know you should eat, and don't get obsessive with the carb/protein thing. i might be giving you wrong advice, but, try it for a few days and see if that helps. heck, one day i ate a whole lunchable (minus the candy), and thought my life was doomed... but i ate less the next day, and lost weight that week too! so............... keep fighting, know we are all in this together, and go buy yourself some new panties or something special just for you.... i hope i helped..... patricia

Joanne, You should be happy with what you have accomplished and keep a good attitude. I am sorry about your problem from the diabeties and hope things go well. Reading your coment though didn't sit well with me when you said it was easy for people to loose 100 pounds. No Way was it easy..... It was anything but easy it took work and will still to get to goal. I feel bad that your not having much luck but don't say it was easy for others that simply is not true! Hope everything works out ok and keep the faith

I think you took it the wrong way. let me explain. Now you know very well that it has been easy for some. Now of course they had to have surgery, diet, exercise, eat protein. drink plenty of water. Just like I did. But they lost soooo much more. And it does come off easy for some in the beginning. Those who lost 100 lbs in 4 months. Yup, they had more to lose than I did. But I have seen people on here that had the same or less to lose and already at goal. These people were not more dedicated than I am. They were just as dedicated. But they lose easier. I am not saying this is the easy way out. I'm not stupid. I know it isn't. But it IS easier for some others. Joanne

You're right Joanne. It IS easier for some than for others and no one seems to have an explanation for why. My sister in law needed to lose approx. 200 lbs; she lost 115 in the first 6 months and stopped. She's nearly 2 years out and hasn't lost anything else. I only needed to lose 112 and have lost 105. That doesn't seem fair, but apprently it is more common that many suppose. I AM sorry to hear that you're having health issues again. Your new picture looks so spectacular that I almost didn't recognize you and I had hoped that all was going well at last. I wish you felt better about what you've accomplished. Of course it's easy to say from so far away, but you look great and I'd think you'd be thrilled. (However only you know how you feel about things). Please keep us posted on the status of your eyesight. I'm trusting that it's something that can be treated. Love, Julie