Depression

Ladies, I am so very depressed right now.I am crying my eye's out. Today I ran into a an old family friend whom had not heard about my youngest brothers suicide last xmas eve. When she asked an I explained what happen she refused to believe me.Called me a liar. It hurt so much to have to go through the whole thing again , then to be called a liar.She called my mom up to find out the truth and got my mom all upset as well. I thought I was doing okay with everything but all I have done today is cry.I haven't loss any weight in awhile, I have actually gained 4 pounds. Everything I have put in my mouth the last several days has came right back up. My parents and only other sibling have moved away and I am here all alone. I dont even have my old friend food to comfort me right now and that I guess is the only good news cause Id probally eat 20 pounds of food right now. I have been feeling sad for days an cant seem to snap out of it. I truely donot want to celebrate Xmas this year ....I just am going thru the motions everyday. Am I doing the right things? Is it okay not to celebrate? Take Care, Trisha

Trisha, Sending you lots of hugs. It is very hard to lose a loved one, especially as a result of suicide. It is very unfortunate that the family friend did not believe you and also realize what pain you were going thru. We had a dear friend commit suicide a few years ago. So many of us went thru a great deal of quilt on why we didn't see it coming, what could we have done to prevented it etc. There is no answer with suicide, it was the person's decision and we as individuals really have no control over their decision nor can we accept blame for their decision either. I think the holidays are hard especially when family is not around. It is OK not to celebrate, however are you sure that is what you really want to do???? By not celebrating the holidays are you just making yourself more miserable???? Do you have any close friends that you could spend the holiday with? Is there something special you could plan for the holidays??? My family lives in another state. The first couple of years it was hard. But Hal an I always made plans for Christmas and made the holiday special for us. This year we have just moved to a new state, so know very few people. We are in the midst of building a home so our things are still packed up too for the most part. At first it bothered me that we didn't have a tree or room for one here at the rental. Then I realized it didn't matter, I got the cutest snowman tablecloth and decoration for the table and that is the extent of our decorations. We've been out viewing the local lights, decorations, and celebrations. It has helped me not feel homesick and it is fun to be around others who are enjoying the holidays too. There are many organizations that need help on Christmas serving meals to the homeless, needy etc. Would volunteering at something like that help you get thru the holidays??? For me it would be far worse to sit at home and do nothing as it would cause me to feel worse and feel more sorrier for myself and the cir****tances. You have to do what is best for you. But really weigh the pros and cons. If you can, I highly suggest getting out and being involved with others if at all possible. Many people find help with counseling too when dealing with a suicide of a friend or family member. No need to respond to my questions if you don't want to. I just wanted to give you some things to think about. Also to realize that you are not alone. I'm sorry you had to go thru such stress and especially the treatment by the family friend. I found that when I am stressed that my tummy can be terribly upset. Pepcid sometimes will help with that and I use the chewable one, taking it at night before I go to bed. Again, many hugs coming your way. Mary

this message is a hug from far away. the loss of a loved one and the holidays are not good combinations but if handled with care you can make it through these times. i dont know first hand about suicide but my brother was murdered several years ago and right before thanksgiving i found out my father has terminal cancer. I live in NC and he lives in OH so I am going to be spending the holidays away from the person that i need to be with. This makes the holidays somewhat depressing plus i like you had wls in feb 04 and have become extremely emotional. i think maybe you ought to consider talking to a professional or just trying to make a friend..just to have someone listen. I am very depressed this holiday season but making myself get into the holiday for the sake of my children. I have noticed though since forcing myself i am starting to feel a little bit better. I dont know you but if you ever want someone to talk to and someone to just listen to you email me and i will give you my number good luck and my prayers go out to you and your family

Trisha, of course you know that when there is pain in the air, people want to reach out and give hugs. Mary and Tina expressed their support and I want to as well. I am often shocked at how people behave. I am very shocked at the response you got from a "family friend" when you shared a very painful experience from your very recent past. I wonder how that "family friend" is feeling now. My guess is that he/she is feeling like an ass (pardon my French). Can't the world learn that there are some things that people just shouldn't say to other people?????? I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed. It's a very real emotion that many on this board are experiencing now. Please talk to someone. There are many professional therapists who could help you by talking or prescribing medication (I'm not an advocate for medication). You deserve freedom from your pain and sadness. I'm about 6 hours from you and am sending you a warm hug. My problem is that I often cry when someone in my company is sad. I can't help it. I'm a little sappy. My husband loves it, though! NOT! Wishing you strength and warmth, Denise

Trisha, I know how you feel when the passing of a loved one is assocaited with a holiday, but when we have children we sometimes have to bite that bottom lip put on a happy face no matter how hard it is and celebrate even though we are falling apart on the inside. I would go and and talk to your DR about this and see about getting some anti-depressant to help you through this sounds like you have had a really rough year and could use a break in the form of some emotional relief. Remember stress can make our bodies do crazy things even gain a few pounds. Sending you a big hug. Nancy

Thrisha, I am sorry for that ignorant person who said and did those horrible things to you and your mom. How awful, I feel sad. I know about the holiday blues my mom just passed away last summer and it's been a nightmare for me. I too have kids and they are great but I try to smile and be happy but inside I am so torn up. Getting to your doctor for anti-depresant meds is a great idea they do help some and someone to talk to that understands. Try some grief support groups too. Try a nice warm bath Be strong and call your family often. Best wishes, Jill

(((((((((Trisha)))))))))) I know what it feels like to lose someone close. My mom died on Sept. 27, 2003. That was the day before my son's birthday. I hurt so bad for the longest time. Still do. But it does eventually ease up some. My mom loved, loved, loved christmas. Her house would have decorations all over it. She even made christmas curtains by hand. She didn't have a sewing machine so she made every little stitch. Her and I are so much alike. I look in the mirror and sometimes I see her. It is heartbreaking around the holidays. But you know what? A few months after she died (it was christmas time) I decided to go ahead and celebrate it. It was hard. Everythign I pulled out was hers or had some tie to her. But I know my mom. She loved christmas and would have hated me giving it up. I celebrated it in honor of her. I smile when I see her picture now. She was so beautiful. Good hearted woman. Her curtains hung all year in the upstairs living room even though they were christmas. I look at these things and it makes me feel closer to her. This is as close as I will ever get now. I will not have that taken away. It is very obvious that you loved your brother very much. Cherish all the good times, beautiful memories, and laughter you shared. Don't let it go. Hanging on to the pain of your loss is overshadowing your happiness that you had with him. Fight it. Do not let that be taken away. Crlebrate your love. Celebrate what a wonderful person he was. Would he have wanted you to be like this??? I try to live my life with that question. I ask myself, would mom have wanted me to do this? She never really went away. She's in me forever as your brother is in you. What would he want from you now? If the depression is ongoing please see your doc. I suffer from chronic depression so I will have to be on meds the rest of my life. Remember, honor your brothers life, don't mourn his death. From someone who knows, Joanne

Oh My, words can not express the anger i am feeling right now. I hope you remember that there are idiots in this world who only think of themselves and dont care about others, I am so sorry about your brother I wish i could advise you but I can't, maybe there is a support group that can help you through this hugs kelly

Hi Trisha, The holidays really are a very stressful time anyway, and when you add the difficulties dealing with deaths it's that much more. In fact, here in my little world one co-worker just lost his grandmother, another couple had a car accident in which one of the parents died, and my sister just had a miscarriage. These are all tragedies that we have no control over, just as your brother's suicide was. One of the things I did this past weekend was watch Frosty the Snowman and remember the fun my sister and I had during the holiday times. I even sang the songs just like we did when we were kids. I was so sad, and still am, when I heard she lost her baby, but one of the things that I always try to do is remember some positive thing. Either doing something that reminds me of the person, or looking at things that I have that used to belong to the person. I have things that my great-grandmother made, and other things that belonged to my grandmother. I was very close to both of them when I was younger, and cherish those things that remind me of them now that they are no longer with us. I realize your pain is very recent and this really is the first Christmas without him, but I agree with trying to go out and do something. Of course, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, but I would suggest a way to have even a small celebration of the holidays if that's all you're able to muster and spend time really looking at all the wonderful things and people in your life. They are also worth remembering and celebrating. We don't have much money, but I make lots of phone calls this time of year. I live in Montana, my parents and sister are in Arizona, and my brother is in New Jersey. We don't get to see each other much, but we enjoy the conversations. Take care of yourself, and make it a point to remember that it's okay to mourn, but it's also okay to celebrate. Trying to enjoy the holidays does not mean that you've forgotton your brother or that he is unimportant. It just means that you are still here and have your own wonderful life to make the best of. I'll be thinking of you, Linn

Trisha, I am so sorry to hear about your brother commiting suicide. That must be a horrible pain to you and your family. For it to happen on Christmas eve it is natural to feel depressed now and probably every Christmas. The holidays are difficult to get through for a lot of people, including myself. The old family friend turned out not to be a friend at all. What she did is unthinkable. Why would someone lie about the suicide of a loved one. Then to call your mom and upset her as well is cruel. It's sad that you are all alone and not around your family to support each other during these holidays. I know what you mean about not having food to comfort you. I am trying to figure out how to cope with stress without food. Haven't figured it out yet. This year I too decided my daughter and I would stay at home alone for Thanksgiving. It would have been better for me to go to a friend's house just for dinner and to talk for a couple of hours. I had too much time on my hands to cry about the son I haven't seen or heard from in 6 years. It's your decision as what to do if you don't want to celebrate. I'm not sure if you are a religious person, so please forgive my suggestion if you are not. How about going to church to celebrate the reason for the season - Christ's birthday. You might feel less sad. Please, Is it possible to talk to a counselor for a few sessions? They can help with your depression. While antidepressants are wonderful for people with chronic depression, you have situational depression that could be helped by talking. I think counseling following a loved ones suicide is important to work through the emotions. You might even be able to identify how you will spend future Christmas's so they will be less stressful. God bless, and I wish you well. Paula