Heartbroken Holidays Coming

I would like to wish my fellow February members a very Happy Thanksgiving!! Keep on your portion size and don't over do it. I will be having a dificult holiday season, my mom passed away last summer and my whole life is devistating. She was 62years old and had Lupus for about 6 years. She was a strong woman and loving, slowley she became worse she had back trouble and devoloped Lymphedima. Her legs got red and weaping water. I stopped working to take care of her I lived 5 blocks away so I would clean for her, laundry,grocery shop, take her to the doctor,pharmacy and even bathe her she couldn't wash herself and my dad worked all day. When I took her to the doctor they all said the same thing there was nothing elsse to help her. She was on Morphinnnne extremley high levels and Steroids for over 15 years. She had her knees replaced but still couldn't walk. I have a younger sister that lives 20 min away and she never came by to help. She is to wrapped up in her own life and her family. It made my mom cry all the time. I was the one to get the phone calls she fell, and she went to hospital. Well we were visiting her for her birthday and she was tired but it was usual for her. She said she had trouble breathing and needed to rest. That nite she said she couldn't use the rest room in any way so she went to the doctor,well he ordered some blood teeeests for the next day. Well that morning she told my dad that she had to go to the hospital she was up all night with stomach pain. They found out that her white blood count was extremley high 3,000. Theygave her antibotic and went to do some tests cat scan. That night i called her room but no answer the next day my dad went to the hospital to see her and she was on a ventulator. They said she had trouble breating during the Cat scan so they did this. Anyway to make it short her kidneys,were shutting down and they made her sleep for a week. Finally they stoped the medicine to make her sleep and she didn't wake up. We waited for a week and they said she was in a Coma now and she had Sepsis!!! Oh my G-D. WHAT!!!!!!! My dad and sister and I met and they wanted to turn off the machine and I said NO!!!! He did anyway and shes gone.. No goodbys nothing,I laid on her in the hospital sobbing and my dad had to pull me off. I have a grandma that is her mom she is 87 yrs old and she also lost my uncle 2 years before to melonoma skin cancer. She doesn't know why and doesn't want to live any more. My dad said he couldn't live without someone, my mom and dad were married for 44 years. He met someone at a grief group she moved in with him and she is horrible very bossy and abrasive. He is busy with her and has no time for his grandkids. What do I tell them why he changed? They know about the loss but it's hard to make excuses for him. She changed my moms house and my dad he is at her beck and call now because he doesn't want to be alone. I am sorry to tell you my story but maybe this is good therapy. I can't find any grief groops for loosing a Parent. Why???? I have a wonderful husband of 16 years and 2 wonderful kids. They are very supportive about my loss and the surgery, they are very proud. I almost didn't do my surgery but i did, my mom wanted me to have it done and she didn't even know it was approved. My husband says she can see me and knows how great I look but I don;'t know, somtimes i smell her and they do to her wonderful clean smell and perfume. I love my family but my heart is so very broken for my mom, Ihope I didn't spoil anyones day, Jill

Jill you will be rewarded for what you did for your mom. My mom passed 2 years ago Oct, 6th. She had many health problems. She is missed and I thank God that I had the time I spent with her. I know you miss your mom, but she is in a better place now. No pain, no worries about who will take care of her, no more falling. She looks down on you everyday and sees how you are missing her. She wants you to go on with living and take care of yourself. She wants you to not worry about what your sister did not do for her. She wants you to let your father go on with his life and enjoy it with whomever he is pleased with. Her angels protects you and they spread her smells around you. This place is where you can come to vent or just get stuff out. It is ok to say a prayer for your mom each day and tell her how you fell about missing her. Cry even. She sees it all and wants you to live again in your new body after wls. She knew you were approved and she was with you when you had wls. You made her happy by getting healthy. Enjoy Thanksgiving and no you did not spoil my day. I think of my mom and when I am sad I release a blue balloon into the air for her. I write I love you mom on it and say a prayer. Be blessed. Irish

Irish, I just read your reply and you made me smile!! I think your right but the hard part is believeing it. I keep reading it and going over it in my mind. I am thankful for her angels and I hope they always do that. I am sorry for your loss too. I haven't met anyone else who lost thier mom to relate with. The ballon idea is great and if you don't mind I will do the same. Thanks for replying it ment alot to me.... Happy Thanksgiving!!! Jill

Jill, I to know what it is like to lose a parent, well actually both. I lost my mother 5 years ago and my father 2 years ago. I know nothing can replace that loss or fill that void so I do not try. I am the youngest of 12 children, I have no kids and have never been married. My siblings and their behavior since the passing of my parents have been horrible. They are extremely selfish and invovled in the lives of their own families so they have forgotten what it takes for OUR family to survive. They have given me no support with my decision to have the surgery, during the surgery or after. It is as if they could really care less. A couple of my sisters have even so far as to critize my friends, who happened to have been there for me every step of the way. The world is the lonest place for me now. I have a boyfriend that lives out of state, so we see each other once a month sometimes twice at the most. I am 32 years old and have finally decided to make every decision with no thought for anyone but myself and that started with the decision to have this surgery. My mother was overweight as well and died from a massive heart attack after suffering with diabetes, high blood pressure and actually survived 3 light heart attacks. I know that the only worrying my parents did concerning me "their baby" was pretaining to my weight. They prayed that I would lose the weight before it caused any serious problems concerning my health. I started at 335 lbs and am down (-102) to 233 lbs at 9 months and am elated. I love the fact I am slowly losing and it helps me control the extra flab (if there is such a thing). I feel wonderful and think I look great. The holidays have been ho hum for me since the passing of my mother. I dread the and deeply miss the . I hang on to fond memories of both my parents and know they live on in my heart and that their are with me every day. Keep your head up smile and know that your mother wants you to be the healthy and happy. You are blessed enough to have a loving family with a husband and children that are depending on you to help them be happy as well. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT......

Wow you really understand what I am feeling. I am so sorry for your loss. It doesn't seem real, it was suposed to be that nothing would happen to your parents until they were really really old. I know what you mean about the lack of support. My sister is overweight more than i and hasn't said one word at all. She is so full of jellousy that she says I will have lots of hanging skin and other problems. Well i'll take the lines under my neck and some flab it's worth it to me. You have the right attitude about making your own decisions and I am happy for you. My sister too is so stuck on HER family she has forgotten OURS too. Her kids are always better than mine and her husband too. Well you know what we are important and wonderful people and we did a brave and wonderful thing for US!! Keep up the good work and if you want keep in touch. If you want my e-mail let me know Thanks for the reply, Jill

I too know what you going thru My mom just passed away on September 27 of this year, I am not looking forward to the holidays at all! Hang in there though!

Noelle, I am very sorry for your loss! I know too how hard the holidays are. A grief counsler told me that setting a place at the table for Thanksgiving with her picture might help. I haven't tried it but I don't think it would help me much though. I wish you the best and you too hang in there, remember she would want you to be happy. If you want to talk more I would like that just let me know. Best wishes, Jill

Jill, i agree leaving a picture and an empty space at that table would not be a comfort for me or anyone else in family, it would remind us even more of the loss we feel . Its a hard thing to go thru but with faith we will make it thru! id love to talk anytime!

Jill, I really don't have any words of wisdom and can't say I understand your pain, but I want you to know that my heart goes out to you at this time. Linn

Thank you Linn just your coment helped. Have a great Holiday Season