Need to speak the truth....

Hello all, I need to speak the truth, even if some find fault with my truth. I had hoped my life would reflect at least some of the "good" news that WLS offers in the chat room and on line site. I've voiced my concern a couple times and received mostly negative emails for my effort---with many people ending up finding fault with my effort because no one wants to hear the dangers of this surgery, just mostly the positive side--saving our lives through weight loss. With hundreds of new posters to the main WLS site waiting for approval, frightened--hoping for health and a dream answered--my God and my conscience won't allow me to be silent any longer. I have steered well clear of my profile or interacting with any new posts because I like so many--do not fit the "profiles of successful" WLS patients. I meandered through the main board some days ago--finding a post that scared me because of what I've been diagnosed with. It was a question about neuropathy in relation to WLS. I tried to post an answer and the site wouldn't let me. A little later that day---the thread had been completely removed. It doesn't take a PHD to realize after so long a time, that negative feedback about this surgery is frowned upon by many. I'm not even sure how long the powers at be will leave my post for others to see and comtemplate but here goes anyway. I am in so much pain. I have been for so long now, trying to be brave for my friends and family. I haven't written about much of the downside to this surgery in my life because blame and responsibility inevitably land squarely on my own shoulders. How unfair for those strangers who have not been warned enough, not nearly enough information available to those that seek WLS as the only alternative to living a happy life because of obesity and bad genes. I am suffering now from many things that I hadn't been before WLS. In my case, longevity wasn't in the cards either side of the fence taken. But I must do now what I can to speak the truth for what it is worth. The many diagnosis of painful side effects of WLS have come to bear. My neuropathy is now half up my legs, I live in pain every moment of every day in it. I walk the pavement to foolishly hang on to the 50 pounds I had originally lost but to no avail. The numbers are going back up and I am suffering malnourishment on a major medical scale. I cannot remember when I ate something that didn't cause pain. I cannot remember post WLS what a day felt like without nausea and constipation. Unlike some who live with the daily problem of diahhera, I almost scream with pain once in seven days because I CAN'T void and I swallow nearly 8 Sencot laxitives, 2 stool softners and 6 pain pills a day. The test results are coming in now from blood work.....dispite my adherance to water and protein---my body is slowly dying and I'm gaining weight every day now. My surgeon has washed his hands of any responsibility and my PCP is saddened when so much was hoped for. I have nothing to say in my own defense except that I should have rang a bell LOUDER and more often in making this decision. My surgeon gave me no warning of any of this.....he continues to make handfulls of money with new lab rats and his web site is booming from the business. Please......read Dani's book and then put it down and pray before doing this. There are days when I think dying in the beginning would have been easier than eight months of suffering. As God is my witness (and the tears fall now), I have made a dreadful mistake and had this surgery. Moreover, my bigger sin is encouraging strangers to have it done as well. Hoping the enthusiasm of the many boards would prove finally to be my success as well or so I prayed. Please don't do this.....I was dying when I had this surgery. Or so my physician told me...from excess weight and it's complications. No one told me I would be dying faster after the surgery and it seems I am. Please forgive me....to any and all that I kept the painful truth from....Getting your protein in, water and excercise is no promise to a better life even though many would say otherwise. I refused to believe that these problems were anything but my own fault and failure from the onset after surgery. This surgery kills people----please know what you are doing before you let them cut on you. There are worse things in life than being fat and I am sadly becoming a statistic in the "WLS" tragedies. Please forgive me, father in heaven. I sought vanity as well as health. No tears running down my face right now will ever replace the 100 cm removed from the body you gave me. No one is smarter than God....not even WLS surgeons and the money making machine that drives us all to seek more than we need.....Your word says....."All good things comes to those that seek God".....May you bring good to any my life has touched......thy will be done. Amen. Love to you all, Katherine

Katherine, I hope they do NOT remove your post; what you have to say is heartfelt and heart breaking. None of us would ever wish to see anyone experience what you are going through; it hurts simply to read it. I wish I had some wonderful words of advice, or the answer you so desperately need. I'm so sorry that this is what you have come to. I have read how hard you tried (far more than most of us) to make a success of the surgery you chose and I'm devasted to know that it did not do all that you had hoped for. I knew many of the complications that were possible as I had read and studied at length prior to choosing surgery, but I agree that there are many who never hear about the possible consequences and that is dangerous and worse, deceptive. I try not to encourage people to have this surgery; it is a personal decision to be made only after significant soul searching. I appreciate your honesty and will keep you constantly in my prayers. Julie

I'm with you, Julia. Katherine, I'm truly without words. I feel lucky in many ways. I was free of complications and feel better than I have for several years. I'm 35 years old and free of 120 pounds of ugly, suffocating fat. The decision to have WLS was my own. I feel lucky that my family supported me and that I woke up after surgery. it's not just another DIET, as some would say...it is a major life altering medical intervention, not to be entered into lightly. I have felt that I need to be frank with myself and others. So far, I do not regret my decision to have had WLS. I do find strength in your words, thank you. Denise

Katherine, You are in my prayers. I hope things will get better for you. When I talk to others about the surgery, I try to relay to them that there are risks. My SIL was in critical care for 5 weeks following her surgery. So I am very aware of the complications that may happen. My surgeon was extremely open about the possibility of complications. For most, there are none. But, for a few, they can happen and can be disasterous. As with any surgery, it is important to be knowledgeable about the risks, what the surgery will do and not do, etc. I did major research the two years before my surgery so that I went into it with open eyes. For me, the surgery has been a true miracle. I feel blessed that I had the surgery and now have my good health back and have been able to rejoin life doing things I haven't been able to do for years. Wishing you the best. Mary

Katherine - I, like the rest of the people who have posted, hope that they don't remove your post. I don't think they will (or at the very least they SHOULDN'T)... I'm sorry to hear that you have had problems, and also saddened that your surgeon has washed his hands of it. I know you aren't necessarily looking for a revision, but have you thought about consulting with another surgeon to see if they have any ideas what might be causing the problems you've been having? That would be my first recommendation if you aren't happy with how you're being treated (or not treated) by the surgeon who did the surgery; it definitely sounds like something is wrong at this point, whether it's a stricture or perhaps even (God forbid) a hernia of some sort internally. Get a copy of the operative report from the hospital, and find another surgeon that is willing to consult.. Although a hernia would require surgery to repair, the stricture can be done under local anesthesia I think, so you wouldn't have to be out (although some people prefer it). If you really want to make sure people know how you feel about your physician/surgeon, you should modify what you put about him in your profile, perhaps including any good points as well as all the bad. I would keep it factual, with as much detail as you care to share, so that people can make an informed opinion about him. I would also ask the moderators about the neuropathy post and what happened to it - you have a right to talk to anyone else who posted. The best way to make sure that a post isn't removed is to avoid personal attacks, and keep it factual. (from being moderator on other boards, not this site). Perhaps they can give you the ID of the person who originally posted it so that you can discuss your situation with them and compare notes, at the very least. I haven't gotten everything I've wanted out of the surgery yet (only about 85 lbs lost so far), but I am thankful for what I have gotten... Yet I do notice that I notice more hip pain, and some knee pain that are a result of not being as much load on the hip and knee, and so things that were worn before but pressed together (so didn't cause pain THEN under load), now "rattle around" more... From talking to some others, this happens and would have happened anyways at some point because the damage was already done. You didn't mention if your sugars were in control or not post-op; To date, mine have been without medication (again, which I am grateful for) and some of the effects of the diabetes have stopped, and some have come back a little as well - my vision cleared, but has been a bit 'gummy'/blurry again because of a cold, I think (translate to "I hope"). As far as I can tell from spot testing in the morning and when I feel 'off', my sugars are still in control, but I'll know more when I do my third A1c at the end of the month. If your bg isn't in control, though, or if the neuropathy has already done damage to a certain part, my understanding of the nature of it is that it may not reverse, and, like the joint/hip pain, may "progress" - not that more damage is being done, but just that your body is feeling it more. I'm not trying to make excuses or tell you what you're feeling; just offering possible explanations based on my experiences and what you've explained. I hope that you are able to find someone that can give you some medical help in finding out at least what's wrong, and that you can find the strength to do what's necessary to correct it, 'neutralize the problems', and find some peace for your poor body. Unfortunately, you're at the very least on the complications side of the statistics for WLS, but you'll never be just a statistic to us. Hugs and prayers - ...Nick

The tears are falling now Nick......I cannot thank you enough or type enough. What a wonderful post, I hope I will be able to reply to it in kind soon. Your words mean more than you know. Katherine

What is my plan? To live each day like it was my last. Who knows, it just might be. Intervention is an ongoing thing from specialists and physicians. I have been berated strongly in the privacy of email for not keeping up on "daily reports" on my profile. In fact, one lady has accused me of scamming the joint. I wish people understood.....when this surgery fails we all who are losing the race withdraw from the crowds because we become outsiders and are no longer welcome during the pep rallies. The fingers continue to point to "medical reasons" and why this not working. I am depressed, I am under several doctors care. I do not write in my profile or post often. I just don't have the strength to itemize the reports, diangnosis, fears and efforts so that some can be more comfortable with my posts. This one you are going to have use faith on. Search your heart, you'll find the truth.....one way or another. I'm just too tired and I need all my strength to fight this battle to pacify some. To the wonderful lady that I wrote this morning, thank you for being God's answer to me. You have given me back my hope and I will forever be in your debt. Don't lose my email address, dear.......I would like to always add your name to my prayers. Going through what I am going through has left you stronger than many.....God has answered us both. Oh no, I used his name again. Oh well. We are not alone. Katherine

"I'm just too tired and I need all my strength to fight this battle to pacify some." Sweetheart, you can't give up. You do sound very depressed and I knwo what that is like. I live with chronic depression. Been like this my whole life. But the good Lord gave you intelligence and will. Use these gifts and find someone to help you. Who cares if you don't lose weight. You are not a failure. The most important thing to do is to seek help from another doctor. There is one out there who will help. It is a matter of finding him. Don't give up. Life is good. How can it not be? God is the creator. (can I say that here?) That alone is what life is about. Don't stop fighting. We love you and can't bear to see you giving up. I will not take an answer like no doctor will touch me. Someone can and will help you. As for your doc, report his sorry butt to the medical board. Don't let him get away with it. I do not tell people to get this surgery. Like everyone else said, it is a personal decision. I am a slow loser. I have lost about 83 lbs in 9 months where most others are at 100. But that is ok. He has plans for me. Please give yourself a big hug and know that He loves you. Remember the saying...let go and let God. When things get tough for me I think of that. Joanne

Katherine, I am so saddened by your post. I also think that there are many folks *****ally don't get the proper amount of information (especially about complications) to really make an informed decision. All of us, on this board anyway, know that you have done everything required and then some, and then found out that your surgeon really did fail you by purposefully making a large stoma and not telling you. I agree with Nick that you must be your own best advocate right now and try to find someone who is compassionate about your situation and truly believes they can help. I'm not sure if the neuropathy caused by the malnutrition can be reversed, but I sincerely hope there is something you can do. I'm not a believer in God, but I know that you are. Please don't think you're being punished for having some vanity associated with your decision to have surgery. Everyone would be a liar who said it wasn't even a small part of their decision. It's just human nature, and for your belief in God, He would know this. My heart continues to go out to you and I keep you in my thoughts. I may not always respond to your posts, but I always read them. So many times I just don't know what to say. All I can say now is that I truly hope there is someone out there who can help you, and I will continue to keep you in my thoughts. Linn

First and foremost, I am truly sorry for the things that are happening to you and my heart goes out to you. This surgery certainly is not to be taken lightly and anyone who does this without learning all that they can about the bad things that can happen, learn how you will have to truly do your part to make this work, and learn every darn other thing about it that they can lay their hands on is simply a fool. I suffered some pretty serious complications myself (pneumonia, collapsed lung, abdominal infection, sepsis, septic shock, hematomas, pinched nerve C-Diff, etc.) I almost lost my life in order to get healthier. I spent weeks over a month in the hospital and several months more recovering. I too have seen the ugliness that this surgery can bring. The thing is that I also feel that without this surgery I was doomed. My weight had ballooned and as the number on the scale went up; my quality of life went down. My weight either ruled or effected what I did, where I went, how long I did things, and pretty much every other aspect of my life. It was simply no way to live. I educated myself about the surgery and then I made an informed decision. After much soul searching, I decided that living the way that I was with the weight was horrible and a chance at a healthier, longer life was worth the risks. I am lucky and I feel blessed. Things have totally turned around for me now. Life is coming flooding back to me. I do my part though. I eat and drink what I am supposed to and I push myself to exercise even when I am tired and I really don't want to. I still have the usual occasional problems that we all share. Things like pain, throwing up, diarrhea, constipation etc. are a part of my life at times, but so are things that others take for granted like taking a walk, sitting in any chair I want without worrying that I will crash to the floor, shopping, going to the park, and keeping up with the ones I love so that we can really share life again. With all the things that I have had happen to me and the pain that goes with it, I would not hesitate to do it all again to feel the way that I do today. Please remind yourself that if you meet with anyone who finds fault in your attempts to warn others about your troubles, to try to understand. For a huge amount of people this surgery works and it incredibly changes lives for the better. That alone makes people passionate about their fight to defend this surgery. Know that you have done your part and from there they will then have to make their decision. As I said earlier, my heart goes out to you and I truly wish that I could make your pain go away. Unfortunately, for now all I can do is listen, empathize, encourage you to see other doctors, and most of all encourage you to keep your head together to do what you need to do to make things better for you. Keep your hopes high and push back even when there doesn't seem to be an end to your problems. I tell you this from first hand experience because it honestly saved my life. Keep your chin up my friend. Best to you, Amy