Unsure

I do not regret my surgery MOST of time. It gets to me when people say "you look so good since you've lost all your weight" It makes me think What did I look like before?? Does that bother anyone else or is it just me??

Hi, Thanks for your support on my post. Yes I think about that too when people say that. I actually didn't realize I had gotten so big, until I see the old pictures and now. Don't let it get to you, whatever it was in the past is gone and just keep thinking about how you look now. Keep up the good work! Jill

I think most people don't mean it the way it comes across when they say things like that. I think they mean it as a true compliment ... kind of like when we tell someone something like " Wow, what a change with the new haircut .. you look great". It could be misread to mean that they didn't look great before the haircut, even tho we didn't mean it that way at all. Mary

interesting. I've had some difficulty accepting and internalizing compliments that seem to fly out of people's mouths. I then love to see them react when I tell them that I've had surgery. They usually say, "Oh." and that's it. The other thing I've been thinking a lot about and looking at other very heavy people, is...I want to tell people with obvious weight issues, to look into surgery. It's socially unacceptable to approach someone heavy and spill my guts. I would have freaked out if someone came up to me a year ago and said, "Hey, Denise...you should have gastric bypass surgery, it'll save your life." I've been thinking about how I looked and felt a year ago and how I look and feel now. So, all that being said, yes, I'm unsure of what to say and when and how much to say and how do people feel about me now versus before when I was bigger than a house. Denise

Wow.. thank you for saying what I have been secretly thinking for a while now. Sometimes, people do not recognize me, which is OK. In the beginning, I thought it was totally awesome that I had changed so much. Like most of us, I worried that I would be the only one the surgery did not work on. But, as time passes, I hear a lot of hurtful comments about the "old, fat" me... I see the pictures, too. But, what I see is a woman who is trapped, and hurting. I don't see "a fat slob, a cow, a blimp" or many other names I have heard. In fact, sometimes, I wish I could go back in time and hug myself, and say "It is OK, help is on the way....You WILL lose weight." I feel so sad sometimes just thinking about poor old heavy me, struggling to just walk, to run for a code blue, etc.... Another thing... My husband, who initially thought I would fail at the surgery, but was there for me anyway, has been aggrivating me with his comments lately. He called me vain, and self absorbed last night, and I felt like someone yanked a rug out from under me. Is it so wrong to LIKE what you see in the mirror, or to WANT to go to the gym, or buy nice clothes? For Pete's sake, you would think I spent all day grooming and dressing. I work 12 hour shifts, 4 days a week. Sometimes, I think he is insecure, like I used to be. Ninety percent of the time, he is cool. But, when he makes these comments, I feel like putting my foot up his a**! Thanks for the vent, I will get off my soapbox now. Andrea

Andrea, You need to get out of my head. I too work 12-16 hr days at the local hospital. My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me because I lost too much weight. I guess he likes them bigger, un happy and most definately UNHEALTHY!!! I actually had someone approach me and ask me if I "HAD THE PACKAGE" (HIV OR AIDS) because they havn't seen me in @ a year. I am real quick to tell people I have had the surgery

I have wondered how many of us post-op people felt this way. I do not want to sound vain, but I do like hearing how good I look. I spent my whole life up to this point hearing how I was not good enough or pretty enough because of my weight. For the first time I really feel that people are looking at me - not my blubber. I know a lot of this is my response - I have more confidence now so maybe people were nice to me before and I did not know it because I was so unhappy with myself - I just don't know. It is weird though. I wanted the surgery to make myself healthy and prolong my life not make myself prettier or more socially acceptable but that was a side effect of the surgery that I really had not considered. P.S. I don't think Andrea's hubbie is the only spouse that feels threatened and makes negative comments. I can not count how many times someone has told my husband that he needs to watch out now that I have lost weight. As if my prior fattness was the only thing keeping me in my marriage. Again, I do not think people mean it in a negative way - just as a compliment but it sounds bad. Hope everyone is having a great day! Liz (-109)

yup people checking you out and flirting eith you really ticks me cause im the same person as before just skinnier.though people are init for looks.

I was just trying to explain this to my partner the other night. For the most part when people say something about my weight loss I feel pretty darn good about it, but when someone who didn't talk to me before says something it aggitates me. I feel like if they didn't have anything to say to me before then they need to stay away. A simple how are you or hello would have been fine, but to suddenly want to say something about the weight loss after nothing before and I just want to scream. Then there is the way that people say things. I know that they mean well, but if they would just listen to what they are saying. Wow! I am still the same person inside and that person just doesn't like it. Now don't be confused, cause I LOVE it when I get compliments about how I am looking now. This surgery has changed my life so much, and so much of it has a mental tug that goes along with it. I will keep on smiling though, but this mental thing sure wakes you up concerning how people really are. Amy

Amy, your feelings seem to be right on mine. I keep telling my husband that although I truly appreciate the compliments and their support, sometimes I feel so resentful. What's so different that they talk to me now? That they are so nice, so interested? I'm still the same person, I haven't changed inside. Obviously, it was always just about the weight. I'm tell my husband that my emotions and personality haven't changed, that I don't feel different. But this weekend he finally sat me down and explained that although I don't feel different inside, I am. He says my weight loss is a domino effect and alot has changed, even if I don't feel it. I lose weight...I feel better...I wear more attractive clothes...I'm more concerned of my looks...I get out and am physically involved in more of our life...I'm more confident...I smile more... People notice all these changes, not just the weight. And when you smile more, you are perceived as easier to talk to. When I'm happy with my changes, other people are too. Gees, I always knew my husband was smart, but I never took him for a psychologist. He pretty much hit the nail on the head. My whole outlook seems a little different now. Aileigh 265/160/150