I need to change my name to.........

KATHERINE COMPLAINS ALOT. I've avoided the scales for three weeks, I've avoided these boards for three weeks and the only thing I have lost in OVER EIGHT WEEKS NOW.......(drum roll please) is hair. Yes, that's right.....I've 1 pound heavier in eight weeks, five very small inches over all in two months and nearly all my hair. Didn't have alot to start with, so I guess that's only fair. I mean, after all.....I'm nearly fifty, have diabetes (yes the monster is back even though I consume less than 1000 calories a day.....pancreas is toast, doc says), excruciating pain in my feet and legs with diabetic neuropathy, on six different nerve and pain meds a day to prove it and have the priviledge of NOT being in a wheel chair 24/7.....have to go to the gym and work my ass off, remember? Hoping this "honeymoon" will begin again after the initial jump start major surgery removing a large part of my plumbing took away, the pain and infections afterwards, the inability to eat hardly at all.....Dr. Melkonian's an ass in Charlotte, I'm not afraid to say it. He mollycoddles all my complaints, I've asked for an endoscopy for an ulcer twice and he ignores my complaints. He says go to my PCP, he says there is nothing wrong with me without checking and will not check, my PCP says he not a surgeon and knows nothing of the complications, go to my Surgeon! I put my life savings into this lifesaving surgery......I didn't want to be a size 10, I wanted to live. I lost 54 pounds in four months. I'm up to almost six months and I've gained a pound and shed too many tears. I absolutely do not resent anyone who this surgery has helped and I'm so glad it has changed your lives......but I'm tired of smiling in email and crying myself to sleep at night. This surgery......even if you are lucky enough not to DIE with complications....does not work for everyone. FOR ANYONE WHO ASKS ME ONE MORE TIME.......pouch rules, excercise, vitamins, water? My husband yells and curses this surgery because I am so DAMNED obsessed with following the "pouch rules". No more excuses......I just need to go away and admit I've failed at this too. When strangers ask pre-op.....and you send flowery emails of support, please do not forget to be honest......dying isn't the only bad thing that can come from trying to save your life with this surgery. You can just prolong it a bit longer, and live with just as much pain. May God forgive me and you, too......I'm running out of hope. Oh yeah......I am on antidepressents, too.....have been for a couple months, just in case anyone can think of ONE MORE THING I MIGHT BE DOING WRONG. Katherine

Hi Katherine, I just read your post on the main board and just wanted to tell you that although I don't know how you feel, I certainly can sympathize with your pain. My pain was one of the main reasons I had surgery. I honestly would tell your PCP that you feel like you've been getting the run-around and ask one more time to order a scope. That's what I ended up doing when I had a stricture. I never tell people here they're doing things wrong. Our bodies are all different, and what works for one doesn't necessarily translate to another. Besides, if you are having complications, there's no way you can feel good. I'm truly sorry you feel like you've failed, but maybe it's the surgery or surgeon that failed you. I truly hope you get the answers you need, and please know that I am thinking of you. Linn

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((KATHERINE)))))))))))))))))))))))))) I'm here if you need me. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I know how you feel. I lost 8 inches in 2 month. I got tired of hearing everyone say that you'll lose inches if the weight stops! Yeah right! Feel free to email me any time. That is what we are here for. And this board is the MOST supportive board I have been on. Love, Joanne

Katherine, There is no excuse for either doctor not listening to your concerns and then taking action to find out what is wrong. If you are feeling like they are not listening, can you go a step higher and file a complaint or see another doctor??? Is there another surgeon who would agree to seeing you as a post-op???? I hope you find some answers. I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time with all of this. I had heard of people being on plateaus early on even when following all the rules and plateaus can last anywhere from 1, 2 or more months. For me this surgery has been an absolute miracle. I have my health back, I wish the same for you. Mary

Hi Katherine,I am truley sorry you are going through this. I had the surgery and doing well.I still have knee problems they ache every day and night but I do feel better.My Sister just had her's on the 29th of june and is not doing too good. She, like you had many problems, your post sounds just like her history. She is right now in the hospital,she was is extream pain since the surgery.She had a procedure yesterday to open the port where the drain was and he found a puss bag that was going into the muscle,and the bowel looked swollen, so he will wait until today to see what else will be done. She, in my opion feels like you wondering why and why is she having all the problems. We both had the same Dr. too. I know in my heart she did the right thing and I pray that things change for you too. Just try and keep a little positative outlook, I do know it is hard I have had my share of problems too. I won't say things will get better because I know it don't always work. I just pray they will for you. I wish you all the strenght to get through this. I will keep you in my thoughts...Marion

Katherine, My heart goes out to you right now. I can't even begin to fathom what you're experiencing right now. I agree with everyone else that you need to keep on your surgeon and PCP about doing some tests to see what might be the cause of some of the problems you're experiencing. But you bring up some valuable points about sharing good and bad about the surgery. Death is certainly not the only negative complication of this procedure. I for one, needed that reminder that not everyone is having an easy time or finding success after having surgery. It's easy to get caught up in my own success and forget that other's may really be struggling. Know that you have lots of people sending you positive thoughts and prayers! This board is such a welcome resource and a supportive group, I haven't it anywhere else on this site, continue to use this group as your support. Vent when you need to, that's why we're here, to be strong for others, when they're having tough being strong for themself. Michelle

Hi, Katherine. I'm really sorry to see that you're feeling so down right now. I guess we all have to admit that we put our lives and dreams into this surgery; everything was at stake. Then when things don't go as we want them to, we feel cheated or we think we are failures. Maybe neither of these outcomes--being cheated or being a failure--is true. Maybe each of us just experiences a different outcome that was never predictable from the onset. My surgery was about 3 weeks prior to yours, and I had a difficult surgery and a prolonged hospitalization (10 days). Then I got a bowel infection that gave me liquid diarrhea for 5 weeks. I was TOTALLY exhausted for 4 MONTHS after surgery. During the first 2 months I just kept saying outloud, "I just want my old life back!" By the third and fourth months I kept saying/begging/praying, "How long can I go on like this??" But then, at the very end of May, a miracle happened. It was as if a cloud lifted and one day I woke up and was myself again. Yes, I still have diabetes but one oral med and Lantus insulin once a day keeps it in good control. Yes, I still have neuropathy in my feet but I knew it was unlikely to improve with surgery. Yes, most of my hair has fallen out, but I am hopeful that it will regrow. Yes, at 220 pounds I am still fat, but it is a world away from the 292 I used to weigh. Now I feel normal and have the ability to do pretty much whatever I want. For the past 3 weeks I've bounced back and forth between 219 and 220 pounds. This has me really scared. What if it's not just a plateau??! What if this is all I ever lose??! How can this be happening to me??! Why is it always ME that these things happen to??! Why have I failed??! How could I manage to screw this up, too??! I could go on and on, but I'll bet you get the picture. We all share your fears and frustrations and guilt based on a lifetime of struggeling with obesity. I'm no one special. I'm just an obese sister who has taken the same path that you have chosen in an attempt to live a normal life. I can offer no special advice that will make you feel better or solve your problems. All I can do is say that you are not alone. The path is filled with many WLS sisters and brothers who can support you and each other. Good luck to you as you continue on your journey. Good luck to us all!!

Lynda, What a wonderful post; how gracious God is to send others who truly understand what we're going through when we're feeling too down to pick ourselves up. Fondly, Julie