Depression Setting In
Hello Everyone,
Today all I have done is cry. The thing is on Christmas Eve of 2003 my youngest brother commited suicide. I have been dealing with that and my marriage breaking up . My wls has really helped me through this because I have had to concentrate on me. Over the last week or so people have been bringing up my brothers suicide and I was handling it pretty well until today when I went through some papers and one of his pictures fell out. It just hit me that I will never see him again or hear his laugh, that I am having a hard time remembering the sound of his voice.
We were very close and he had called everyone that day except me. I have been asking myself why didn't he call me? Wondering could of I said something to help him. Why didn't I see his depression? I just feel so very lost right now. I even feel guilty for actually having fun over the last two months. I know time is suppose to heal all but I donot believe that time will ever take away this hurt. Thankyou for listening, it helps to get it off my chest.
Trisha 340/ 220
I know exactly how you feel. I lost my mom in the end of september/03. it is the hardest thing to deal with. It is in my profile if you would like to read it.
I am very, very sorry for your loss. We go through spurts where they are on our minds constantly. I think of my mother every day but sometimes it is worse. Like today. I found out that I fractured 2 ribs and wanted to call my mom to tell her I was ok and to have her tell me how much she cares and loves me. Then I realized that I will never hear that again.
I don't think the pain ever goes away. She was my best friend too. I jsut wanted you to know you are not alone. There are those of us who suffer along with you.
God bless you and your family.
Joanne
Good morning, Trisha,
Here I sit and feel sorry for myself. I'm almost five months post op and have only lost 54 pounds. Everything has been at a stand still for weeks and everyone else on the February schedule is miles ahead of me.
But your loss is greater and a needful reminder to myself, thank God for every day I am given, thank God for everyone in my life, and thank God for caring for the spirits of the ones that are not. My heart goes out to you.....my parents have been gone since 17. I'm 45 now. Suicide is so hard to deal with. It's obvious that you loved him, believe that he loved you, too.
God bless,
Katherine
Katherine,
Please don't feel badly. Altho I have lost 101 lbs, only 51 of that is since surgery. So you are ahead of me in weight loss. My surgeon is adamant that he wants a 2 to 3 lb loss per week for his patients. So you are right on track.
Focus on the positive changes that have happened for you since surgery. I think you are doing GREAT!!!
Mary
Trisha,
You may never have the answer to "why" your brother committed suicide. You can't and shouldn't blame yourself. We have a dear friend who did the same thing 3 years ago and we often would say why didn't we see it coming. We know that no matter what, she was determined and did not plan to be stopped in her attempt. Focus on the fact that your brother, like our friend, is now in a happier place for them. There is no pain, no sorrow.
I heard this at a funeral a few years ago and it has stuck with me...When a baby is born, the people on earth rejoice as there is an addition to the world but up in Heaven God is said because one of his flock has left. When a person dies, people are sadden and cry but up in Heaven God is rejoicing because the person has returned home to him to be love and protected for eternity.
I hope you can overcome your grief. There are many types of grief counseling available too if you would consider something like that. My mom went to grief counseling after my father passed away. It really seemed to help her. Focus on the positives that were in your brother's life, the fun times you shared. It is OK to be happy, to have fun, to marvel in the changes to be healthy that you are doing. Be proud of yourself.
Sending you hugs.
Mary
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