Identity Crisis - No Newbie Here

Hello all... This is me, Windy. I decided to change my name back to my real name in my profile. All my life it seems I've had an identity crisis. I think it stems from no one ever calling me by my real name, and some folks that are very close to me never calling me by anything at all. I just don't have a name I "feel good in". Also, I think I was being over-cautious about protecting my real identity on the net after a close call incident with identity theft and some other issues. But my name is my name. I'm tired of trying to get out of it. Tired of trying to be someone else who I'll never be. Tired of trying to make people see me as I am instead of what they think they see. Tired of trying to fit into their molds. Sorry... this is getting to be much deeper than I anticipated. Anyway, I'm still me. The profile name is official, but I'm still Windy

Hello Windy. I read your profile, hope you don't mind. I just wanted to let you know that I am sorry and I would never intentionally ignore anyone. I haven't seen you post (about yourself) too often. I figure that the people that don't post too often about themselves are out and about, getting active and just dealing with the hassles of life. I started at 325, being 5'8. I wouldn't consider myself being a lightweight. I have lost 74 pounds so far and have been working out twice a day to get there. I think a lot of us are using pant sizes as descriptions on how we look after the weight has gone. If someone says that they lost 74 pounds, you can't really visualize it because you don't know if the person was tall or short or where they carried their weight. I like to hear the posts where people say that the wedding ring that they have not been able to get off for 6 years, fell off of their finger...or how they can fit into the tub now...or how the joint pain is gone and they can keep up with the kids. These are things that skinny people take for granted. I never wanted to be the center of attention because I thought that people would talk about me and be disgusted by me, but as I lose weight, it is nice that people recognize the loss. But just remember that no one is perfect and just accept any notice or appreciation of your weight loss as that. Some people don't know what is appropriate to say, but at least they are recognizing the fact that you are changing and sometimes they feel as uncomfortable saying it as you feel hearing it. I have already turned my life away from getting obesity-related diabetes, heart disease and am on my way to being able to feel any lumps that may be just under the skin. The 60% cartilage that I had left in my right knee has stopped bothering me and my back and neck have stopped hurting. My son and I are getting active almost everyday (he is overweight too). I fit into all of the seatbelts in my vehicles now..so I have reached the main goals of the surgery. Now, anything else that I achieve is bonus and more on the cosmetic side than my original goals. All I can say is that you have to look for the small changes and don't take anything for granted. Some small things that I am happy about this week: I can lay on the couch next to my son without falling off, I will have to buy new underwear soon, I can almost fit my husband's leather jacket, a couple more inches and the bath water will cover all of me and my husband told me that I don't snore anymore. I am sorry that this got so long, but you are a very valuable person and you have done a wonderful job!! 65 pounds is an awesome accomplishment, I am very proud of your hard work to get here. ((((HUGS)))) Dorothy

Dorothy, Thank you so much for spending the time to answer my post. And no, I don't mind that you read my profile. I know its there for everyone to see. Its my feeble attempt at not hiding from anything anymore. Acceptance is what it is, and people who genuinely like me will accept me no matter what I think. Those that read my profile should feel honored that I am willing to share it with them. I'm sorry if that sounds egotistical, it is not meant to be. I never thought about pants or clothes sizes in the way you described, but that makes perfect sense. Your post gave me a chuckle or two. Especially the part about having to buy new underwear. Just this week I realized it wasn't enough to start wearing smaller pants. They do no good if your underwear is falling off your hips. Do you know what it feels like to have your underwear bunched up around your hips when your pants fit nicely? Talk about panty lines! All hugs are appreciated Windy Pat

It took me a week or two to figure out what was wrong with my underwear...Some of us are a little slow on the uptake. Julie

Hey, Windy Pat! It's tough sometimes to figure out exactly who we are. My youngest left home this past year and for several months, I wandered around feeling like I served no useful purpose to anyone. I'm sure this would offend my husband, but once you're not a mother anymore after doing it for 20+ years, what are you? It's been a good year though and I think I'm finding out alot about me..some I like, some I don't. But, at least I'm finally comfortable with who and what I am without feeling like I need to apologize to whomever that offends. I think that's progress! After reading Dorothy's reply, I also read your profile. I'm so sorry if you feel like we've not been attentive; I'm always glad to see new posts (it seems like we add more every day) and I'm going to go out on a limb here and tell you that I think many of us feel very vulnerable when we post on here. While we share things on line, none of us (I don't think) have ever met personally and our lives outside of WLS are terribly diverse. Everytime I post something, I wonder if it will sound shallow or stupid to whoever happens to read it, but still...it's what's going on in my head, heart or life on that particular day. I'm sorry if we've offended by listing sizes, etc. or talking about shopping but it's such a thrill after a lifetime of plus sizes and shopping for clothing that fit and cover rather than clothing that we actually LIKE! And counting wrinkles? Lord, if I started counting wrinkles, I'd never get done. Not going to worry about it; My husband has promised to love me even if begin to look like a bald-headed Sharpei puppy and by gum, I'm holding him to it. Sometimes being a "lightweight" (strange... I never felt lightweight) puts you at a disadvantage on these kinds of boards as people treat you like you're just a vain, arrogant snit who only did this to be beautiful and the only valid reason to have WLS is to be a minimum 350+ lbs. It's important to remember that some of us had some pretty serious weight related health problems even though our starting weights might have been alot lower than expected. I've talked enough...We're glad you're here. Share whatever you like; this IS a safe place where we love and value everyone Julie

Julie, Thanks so much for your support. I was having a very bad day yesterday and for the first time in many years actually had a place to put down what I was thinking and let it out. I truly admire the "lightweights" who have made a decision to do something about their situation before it gets to the proportions mine did. I keep having to remind myself that those folks had to justify and prove themselves to their insurance companies just as I did and many of them don't get the approvals they deserve or require. I spent many years trying fix myself while the problem was just getting worse, all the while thinking I could do it myself without help. My bad day yesterday was a result of my frustration in finally realizing that while I've made some progress I still have a long long way to go. Its not easy knowing that I did this to myself. I can honestly say that I have not met anyone in this group I consider to be vain or arrogant. I came to this group because that's what I was seeing on the main board. This group has been nothing but welcoming and supportive. You'll be seeing me around here more... it takes more than one bad day to scare me off! Windy Pat

I'm so glad you felt like you could let it out here...there aren't too many people outside these boards who understand the myriad of emotions that run through our heads every day. I know my husband is getting tired of hearing, "On my chatboard today, someone said.....", but I count on you guys and I get alot of comfort from seeing someone else write down exactly what I am experiencing. Here's hoping you have a great week! Julie

I agree, Julie. Couldn't have said it better. However, I do have something to say about underwear: I understood about the bottom half, but never having lost anything off my upper half, no matter how much weight I lost, I'm at a total standstill when it comes to finding a bra that fits! I've been a "walking mammary gland" for so long, I don't remember how to figure out the size numbers! I don't want to buy really expensive bras yet (where some strange albeit informed woman would measure me and let me know what I need)...hopefully, I'm still changing in that area..but buying a bra at Walmart or Target ain't getting it either. What to do? What to do? Bras I wore 20 years ago (and packed away in a box in the basement) fit...but those pointy things are definitely out of fashion...and bloody uncomfortable at that! Cheers, Rusty

Windy, I'm sorry if you are feeling ignored (from your profile). It definitely is not intentional. I used to be on the board daily but now have to fit my computer time in. My hubby was laid off from work last month and life has been a little crazy looking for work and determining if we will need to move or not. I've lost 84 lbs as of this week (50 pre-surgery, 34 since) and the process has taken me over a year. I still have over a 100 lbs to lose. I have been heavy my whole life and when my journey started my BMI was 57 (I'm 5'2") and I'm now 52 years old. There are days that I look in the mirror and can see the changes, other days I feel like the old me. My biggest hardship is the mental weight amount. My brain and the scale are way off from each other. I now weigh 221, but find that if I go to write my write my weight or have to think my weight that I mentally add in 20, 50 or 100 lbs. The other day I logged in my weight and showed it as 321. Luckily the program caught my error, but at first I just couldn't understand what was wrong. Keep posting. Your input is important too. We are all family here and share so many common issues in this journey. Mary

Pat, I too read your profile, I understand how you feel but please dont take it personal, I too post with few responses on several boards sometimes with no response at all. Alot of people read them they just may not have to much to say. Glad you are feeling better and Remember you really are not alone. Its just that some people dont know what to say to you so they choose to say nothing. I hope you do have at least one person you can talk to, I have found that as time goes on I dont really want to talk about it that much now. And i have freinds that dont even acknowledge my surgery at all but i still hang out with them.I come here everday read the posts but don't always answer. But they make me feel better. sorry this might seem rambling its just that I dont want you to feel alone. take care and keep up the great weight loss! kelly