A POST ON MY PROFILE

I posted this today. Can anyone relate? Or is it just me being ? I have lost -53lbs at 3 months. Yesterday was my anniversary. I am happy about that. But I have mixed feelings since shopping yesterday. I had to bring my son and Dan to walmart so they could pick up some work clothes. So while there, my son said that it's time for me to get something too. I was hesitant since I am afraid to try things on but I went with it. he picked out something...personally kids taste and mine are different. he wants me to dress like an 18 year old and I like the things more for a 30 year old. I'm 40 BTW. So he got a plaid seeksucker shirt with somewhat flared sleeves. in a size 16/18. I tried it on right there with my cami and heavy knit shirt on and I can see that it was a little big. So I tried on the 12/14. Now I KNOW I am not a 12/14 but it fit. The other 12/14 shirt did not. This proved to me I was not a 12/14. So I ended up getting two of the same shirt, different colors in a 12/14. I also got a white knit shirt for underneath cause my son said that those shirts are to be worn unbuttoned. I liked them buttoned better but I got it anyhow. I brought them home and tried them on without my own shirts underneath. The fit fine. Not quite snug but not loose. Here is where the problem came in. Basically it is WHAT THE F**K AM I EXPECTING???? I put them on and hated them. Not the way they looked but how I looked in them. Was I expecting to look differently now that I could put on ONE 12/14 shirt? Was I expecting to look thinner? Was I expecting the "OMG...I am wearing this 12/14 and I look great!"? NONE OF THAT HAPPENED!!!!!! I looked at myself and still saw the fat me. Even to this second, I think they were really not 12/14's but actually 16/18. They HAD to be mislabeled. I AM STILL FAT!!!! I DON'T LOOK BETTER IN A 12/14! I thought when I got into a 12/14/16 that I would see a thinner me. I thought that when I put them on my family would be like "WOW...YOU REALLY HAVE LOST WEIGHT!" But that didn't happen. Nothing happen. What the he** was I expecting???????

I think all of us want an overnight miracle to some extent, but that just doesn't happen. What I have found tho for me is that I have a mental image of myself and that image still has me very heavy. I found when I get on the scale my mind still thinks I'm much heavier but the scale shows differently. For example: Before I get on the scale I might say to myself. Oh, I hope I'm 257 today. Then I get on the scale I'm really 227. Now no way in the world do I want to weigh 257, but my mind thinks I am heavier many days so it is taking a bit to release that from my brain along with my mental image of myself. One of the biggest helps in this area has been photos. I took a photo of myself last July and then now have been doing it the 1st of each month. I take the photos (front, left side, right side, and back). Then I compare them side to side with the July photos. Oh my gosh, what a change. It really joggs my brain and makes me realize that I have come a long ways. Still have a ways to go, but I'm on track. Sizes: I use to wear a 4X/5X from Lane Bryant catalog. I now can wear their 1X and some L with no problems. However I have found that going into stores I can buy anywhere from a large to 3X depending on the style and manufacturer. I try not to focus on the size, but how I look and feel in the item. Buying clothes and finding the right size can be so frustrating to say the least. There is NO consistency any longer even with the same manufacturer. Now go back and look in the mirror ... is it really the clothes you don't like or is it your mental image of yourself rather than how you actually look. I highly recommend taking photos, you will be amazed at the changes. I found I saw the most change in the side profile photos. For the first time in years, my breasts stick out further than my tummy (smile).

Danluvsme 2, I can really relate to your post. I still think of myself as an extremely obese person. Sometimes when I glance in the mirror I do not recognize the woman looking back at me. I know that I am changing both physically and mentally as I go through this process but I think the mental changes are going to take longer. For example, my husband took me out to dinner a few days ago and the waitress escorted us to a booth. I thought to myself - daggone it I am going to be embarassed when I have to ask to change to a table because I will not fit in the booth. Well who would have thought but I sat right down in the booth with room to spare! I actually had to lean forward to reach the table. I just think we have to give ourselves time to get used to the changes. I do not see the emerging woman that others see yet, but I am catching glimpses of her! Liz

I see the difference when I look at my pre-op pics. But it seems like almost every day that someone makes the comment that I am just vanishing. I'm buying smaller clothes, and I get compliments, and stares, but I don't think of myself as someone who gets those things. I guess it's from years of being "invisible", as if someone weighing near to 400 pounds is invisible, but you know what I mean. People look at you like you don't exist, if they aren't making rude comments. Now people look right AT me, and sometimes I find it a little disconcerting. And old habits creep back, LOL, I was hungry the other day, and my partner was ordering mexican, so I asked for refried beans and nachos with beans and beef. What in the hell did I think I was going to do with all that food???? Keep in mind, pre-surgically, that would have been a warmup for me. So yeah, I guess it's taking me a while to really notice, or maybe I was so used to the "fat" me, I'm not ready to see the smaller me yet. I like her better, though - she can walk without wheezing, and she can do yardwork!! She can even bend over and pick stuff up without worrying that her back might go out.

Yes, I can relate. When I buy smaller clothes, I think that I should LOOK alot thinner. What I see, is still a woman with clothes that are tight and show bulges and bumps that shouldn't be there. The only way I really FEEL thinner is by putting on old clothes that are now too big. 16's that fit snugly look just as bad as the old 20-22's did when they were too tight. Because I know how much weight I've lost, when I go shopping, I tend to pick out things that are too small because "I''ve lost so much weight..." Unfortunately, then I feel lousy because the clothes that DO fit, still look so big to me. I hope my mind can catch up with the rest of me. Julie -54

You should try a new style. Something that wouldn't have normally worn before. Something that shows off your new figure. We all need to get a new since of style. The old clothes that looked o.k. on our bigger bodies just don't do the new bodies justice. Take a chance! Go shopping by yourself and try everything on in the store. I guarantee you will find something that you really like and makes you feel smaller. Hang in there! Susan