UGH!

I have been away from the boards for so long because I have been feeling like a complete loser and not a good one. I got down to a size 36 from a 54. I am now back up to a 42. This year has just been complete crap. We moved from Dallas to California which is a complete culture shock. I got a DUI back in May (first offense ever)...I went into rehab for alcohol and drugs back in June (which I started doing after surgery). I was down to 180 a year ago and now back up to 248. I have court tomorrow regarding my DUI, money is really tight because I am not working yet. Food is OUTRAGEOUSLY priced here in California. I really can't afford to eat anything healthy. My meals for the past two days consisted of peanut butter crackers because they are cheap. I was eating potted meat sandwiches and chips but got sick of those. I kinda regret having the surgery because I had a taste of what it was like to be skinnier and I feel like I can't do it again. I try eating just a little bit of food and I am still hungry. My partner *****es at me for eating late at night when I take my bi-polar meds but they make me hungry. He fusses about me eating 5 or 6 meals a day. I get hungry to the point where my tummy growls. What happened to the whole, "ooh I forget to eat sometimes"? I admit I haven't been exercising but I feel so depressed the thought of going out and walking just makes me feel even more depressed. Ok. I'm done *****ing. I've not said this to anyone and I just needed to get it off of my chest!

Jody, I'm sorry to hear what a hard time you are having. Hope you can turn it all around. The "I forgot to eat" syndrome left me about 18 months out. I now definitely get hungry. I have found that eating 5 small meals a day works the best for me. Then less chance of additional snacking. So I really think you are OK with 5 to 6 mini meals a day --- many surgeons recommend that. I find that if I do carbs like crackers, bread, rice, pasta that I get hungier more often. If I do higher protein, low carb then I do much better. There are many protein choices that are pretty affordable like chicken and turkey. Do you like tuna or egg salad or hard boiled eggs? Do you like protein shakes? The shakes could be used as a meal substitute if needed. You need 60 grams of protein a day just to maintained normal muscle mass. Remember your heart is a muscle. So protein is sooooo important. Do you qualify for unemployment? When we left CA to move here, my husband could still draw unemployment from his job in CA. It might be worth checking out. Your pouch can still work for you if you let it. Get back on track (a meal at a time), get in your fluids, and start exercising. The exercise should help with your depression too. Whether you go out and walk OR dance to some music at the house, any exercise is better than no exercise at all. You can get the weight back off, don't give up. Remember you are not alone. We are all still having to work hard to maintain or not gain. We're here if you need us. Just let us know how you are doing.

hey, Jody! chin up! sorry to hear you are in the dumps right now. Sucks, I know. Don't you think that you are eating out of stress and anxiety and anger and sadness and despair and frustration? I know I do. Look at the big stuff that's been happening in your life. You've dealt with more in a short period than most would deal with in a lifetime. You took a big step in having surgery to better you life. So, you took some side steps, but you can get back on track. Take one day at a time. I'm sure your partner is trying to help - he needs to back down a bit....I think. perhaps asking doc. for another med that may not add to hunger? good luck to you. You've got a lot going on. One day at a time. Denise