ot: i feel desperate & pathetic!
You're NOT pathetic, you know what you want and the men that have been in your life don't. It took me a long time to figure out just how different men think, but it's true. Your current boyfriend may really want to get married to you, but they are so scared of change or the word commitment (even if you are all they want) that they feel comfortable the way things are and don't want to change it. I knew it took me to get up enough courage to tell him that I couldn't wait any longer and that I needed to move on. We separated for about 6 months and when he seen me getting on with my life, he couldn't handle it and couldn't imagine his life without me. The rest is history. My mom always said if it's meant to be it will be, not that it helped at those times you need their support and encouragement but I do beleive not that it is true. I did think that the breakup was the hardest thing I ever had to do since I felt in my heart that he was my soulmate, but it did make me a stronger person inside for it.
Not sure if that helps or not :) We are here for you no matter what you decide to do. You are a strong woman so no matter what you decide you will get be just fine. Hey you are on a path in your life that is making you happier, healthier and stronger :) Hang in there.
Kim
I have to agree with both the posts. It will happen when it is supposed to. I was dating my now husband of 8 years for 6 months when he said he loved me and I told him that he couldn't. He didn't give up on me then 3 months later we were engaged and married about 10 months later. I wasn't ready to admit my feelings, but I knew that I liked him alot. And he was willing to deal with it because I told him. We talked a lot about the future once he said he loved me. If a guy will say they love you and mean it (you know when they don't) then that is a special thing to hold on to. Just talk about the future and what you both want for yourselves and as a couple. Sounds like you just want some reassurance that he is really in this for the long haul and family.
You have made some great and hard choices recently by having the surgery. Let this be the beginning of the new you and a new life... Take it day by day and remember to always communicate.
Hope it helps!! We'll be here for you!!
Chrissy