ot: i feel desperate & pathetic!

i just needed a place to go w/ this info.  i could have blogged but i want input.  this is about relationships.  i've been in several long-term relationships and i'm tired of waiting for marriage.  it's sad but i'd rather be pursuing married life or be alone!  my first serious relationship was when i was 20 and lasted for 4 years, he was bad news-drugs, i supported him for 3 years and he was pulling me into a life i knew i didn't want.  i was engaged to him for 2 years and i finally left him.  after that i had a 2.5 year relationship w/ an amazing guy but he felt he wasn't a man yet and couldn't commit long-term to me and going down a path that didn't involve a family i couldn't see the point so we went our seperate ways (this was in 2007 and he's getting married on sunday).  i let my current boyfriend know at the very beginning of our relationship that i'm looking for a future husband and a family.  i let him know i was tired of failed relations and i wanted more than just a short term thing.  he agreed and was seeking the same.  well here it is 1 year and 2 mons later and all talk.  he does want to marry me but there's no action.  i told him today that 'i'd rather be alone than wait on my future'.  he said, 'really' and walked away.  i am livid and that's fine.  i feel like a pathetic failure and i have the 'me' part down.  i'm okay w/ being alone and if that's what i'll be, no problem.  i want a family more than anything so there's a part of me that thinks-if a man seriously asked me to marry him i would.  that tells me i'm sad and desperate-maybe have some more internal work to do.  what the **** is wrong with me?

oh, and i'll be 29 this year-doesn't help matters.  i'm not getting any younger. 

You're NOT pathetic, you know what you want and the men that have been in your life don't.  It took me a long time to figure out just how different men think, but it's true.  Your current boyfriend may really want to get married to you, but they are so scared of change or the word commitment (even if you are all they want) that they feel comfortable the way things are and don't want to change it.  I knew it took me to get up enough courage to tell him that I couldn't wait any longer and that I needed to move on.  We separated for about 6 months and when he seen me getting on with my life, he couldn't handle it and couldn't imagine his life without me.  The rest is history.  My mom always said if it's meant to be it will be, not that it helped at those times you need their support and encouragement but I do beleive not that it is true.  I did think that the breakup was the hardest thing I ever had to do since I felt in my heart that he was my soulmate, but it did make me a stronger person inside for it.

Not sure if that helps or not :)  We are here for you no matter what you decide to do.  You are a strong woman so no matter what you decide you will get be just fine.  Hey you are on a path in your life that is making you happier, healthier and stronger :)  Hang in there.

Kim

So sorry you are going through this Sooner.  There is NOTHING wrong with you ... you just want that security feeling of being married.  My hubby and I have been together since August of 2000 ... we got engaged in December of 2002 & we just got married July 2007!  What is it that will be different if you guys get married tomorrow or in 2 years?  The only thing different will be the security measures.  You will still have your ups and downs and do everything the same.  I know you love your boyfriend and he loves you ... maybe you should sit down and talk about the future with him.  Ask him where he wants to be in 2 years and go from there.  Why would you ever call yourself a failure because you are not married???  ... it will happen if it is ment to be, this I promise luv!

Sooner,
I have to agree with both the posts. It will happen when it is supposed to. I was dating my now husband of 8 years for 6 months when he said he loved me and I told him that he couldn't. He didn't give up on me then 3 months later we were engaged and married about 10 months later. I wasn't ready to admit my feelings, but I knew that I liked him alot. And he was willing to deal with it because I told him. We talked a lot about the future once he said he loved me. If a guy will say they love you and mean it (you know when they don't) then that is a special thing to hold on to. Just talk about the future and what you both want for yourselves and as a couple. Sounds like you just want some reassurance that he is really in this for the long haul and family.
You have made some great and hard choices recently by having the surgery. Let this be the beginning of the new you and a new life... Take it day by day and remember to always communicate.

Hope it helps!! We'll be here for you!!

Chrissy

I don't know if you believe in God or not but you will have the man of your dreams soon and it won't be fake, it won't be forced, you won't have to force it, he'll want to marry you without you even discussing it marriage is a serious thing you should just love the idea of marriage itself you may say now that I just want to be married for the sake of being with someone but marriage is becoming one with someone his pain, is your pain, your his emotional and mental support as well as he is yours I don't know you but you deserve someone who man enough to take care of you when your sick, stick by your side through the stuff times, financially help you and make you laugh even when there is nothing funny. Your man is coming soon, and when you least expect it be patient