To tell or not to tell?!!

Now that surgery is two weeks away I have told my parents, sister about it. Mum is typical mum and worried and concerned as she wold be for any major surgery and that is OK. Sister was awful and does not talk about surgery but abuse to my own body as i will be removing part of a healthy stomach. It has made me hesitant to share with more people but as the date comes nearer I am wondering if it is right. My husband and kids are very supportive and I know I need support. But most of all positive and encouraging support, if I spend more time 'educating' and put on the defense maybe it is better to keep quiet about it all. So proud and be out or keeping it all private- how are you all handling this? Anneke

that's a hard one, anneke! i think it's individual--on you and the people you would tell. this is a great place for support. (isn't it good to have a place without judgment?) and maybe you could tell a few friends who know how hard life is? for my part, i'm a talker and have told just about everyone i know. it comes with just a few draw backs. the biggest one is from my boss who says i should just join weigh****chers because there are people there who are even bigger than me. i wish you well, and hope that you keep trying to find the support you need! toni (lap band 1/15/08)

I had similar concerns, especially about the workplace and then decided it was better for me to let people know what was going on than to have them wondering and jumping to conclusions about the time off and subsequent weight loss. While I feel it's no ones business but mine and my family, I presented the information in a manner that let them know the decision was not up for discussion but also freely offered solid information to questions asked. At least this way, no one will be wondering if I've got cancer or some other disease.

Hi there, Anneke -- My son and my mother would prefer that I did not have the surgery based on risks associated. I totally understand how they feel, but I do my best to point out the pros and cons and risks associated by not doing the surgery. The hospital that has approved my surgery has a great support group. I have been going to meetings once a month and will continue after surgery. I nearly lost it when I got up to speak last month. It's important that you surround yourself with positive people. It's also good to talk openly about your fears. My husband offers excellent support! He is also a gastric by pass success; he had surgery in 2004. He looks awesome! Keep the faith and good thoughts.

Hi Anneke, My mother is having a very hard time accepting me having this surgery. When I first told her she got very upset with me and told me I was taking the easy way out. This is in NO WAY the wasy way out. I understand now it is just her way of expressing how worried she is about the surgery. I have had a weight problem all my life and I am 43 now and have had enough. I feel it is time to make change, Im not getting any younger. I am also hypothyroid which makes it very hard if not impossible to loose weight, so it is time to do this. As the time gets closer for your surgery (mine is in 3 weeks) you will worry more and 2nd guess yourself if it is right....all I can tell you is the decision is yours and no one elses. If youre a praying person, pray about it...the answer will come. And if you need motivation...read what others have put in here and look at their before and after pictures...thats what I am doing. I am doing this, my husband is behind me 100%. My mother will have to accept this, it is my decision, she will just have to understand. Good luck to you, whatever you decide..God bless, Cindy

I haven't told many people, except a few that I'm close with. I'm not a very public person as it is, and it never crossed my mind to share to the details with a lot of people, the same way I wouldn't tell everyone if I was going in for a different kind of surgery. Everyone is different, though. My hospital has a great team, and a few of them have mentioned how relationships change when weight loss occurs. I've thought of this, and how it might impact certain relationships...I think that people get so used to others being a certain weight and the difference might be too much to take.

I have also had a mixed bag of responses. All those I have told at work, however, have been very supported and excited for me. Ofcourse, I have not shared the news with everyone. I have asked my mom to keep it to herself and let me share with other family memebers when I feel the time is right. My husband has been supportive from the beginning, but unfortunately some of his relatives made some comments that put doubt and concern is his mind. I told him that I did not take the decision to have the surgery lightly and would not have put myself through all the months of hard work for precertification if I wasn't ready to make the necessary changes.. I have educated myself and feel that I will be in a worse place without the surgery. He is nervous but is still supportive of my surgery. Good luck and share the news with whom you feel comfortable with.

I chose to tell my husband and my best friend and that is all. If I tell my mom she will get all worried and turn into a drama queen and tell the whole family and it will just end up being about her and I'll end up taking care of her. I do feel a little guilty about not telling the people that I have worked with for years and who have been wonderful loving friends but I am already on an emotional roller coaster about this and I want to spend my energy taking care of myself right now. It just feels a little like lying by not telling them. I don't want to have to explain or justify or hear people who mean well try and tell me to just try "exercise" or "eating breakfast" or whatever. I can't think of a diet that I have NOT tried. Good Luck. Everyone has to make their own decision about who to tell and when.