Input needed

Let me start by saying that I have been so incredibly fortunate to not have this problem (yet), but I'd like to head it off at the pass if I can.

The issue is this: I have noticed several of our ladies having difficulty with gaining and losing the same 10 or so pounds, or just steadily gaining over the course of a few weeks. I would be terrified to have this happen, so I can only imagine how it must feel to go through it several times over the past year.

I guess what I'm wondering is, what are you doing differently or eating differently to have this happen? I am curious what is happening to cause the gains. Are you eating emotionally, too much junk, too much food altogether, not keeping active? Is it a combination of some or all of these things?

I really hope that I can gain some insight from those of us who have been there, done that. I'd like to avoid this phenomenon if I can.

Thanks so much ladies...I can't wait to hear some of your honest responses.

~Suz

Hey Suz..First I will say that see a lot of ppl read your post but none replied....it is a bit much to admit  your faults in public but anyway....I don't mind....for me it has been too much food.  I still work out each day during my lunch break but I noticed that I am a binge eater..I can start eating something and just not be able to stop...most days I am afraid to even start eating..I am fine until I get that first bite of whatever it is and it triggers me to binge and graze all day long.  It does not matter if its protein or carbs...I will binge on it...even carrots.  And unfortunately, I have never had the dumping syndrome nor have I ever had restriction. The first year after surgery I was just blessed to be given the will power to make the right decisions.  Now I just don't make the right decisions and eat once a day...all day long..empty calories like hard candy or gumballs....and I can say that I will get my daily caloric intake in gum or hard candy before I even eat food....and then I will have my meals as well....Basically, I was able to modify my crazy eating behavior right after surgery and it came back with a vengence and all the support groups or therapists that I have been faithfully attending have not been able to help me get to the root of why I am sabatoging my weight loss....and I continue to eat mindlessly...I would say to just keep doing what you been doing cause it is working for you. 

Steph

Oh, Steph...you're right, it is so hard to publicly admit our faults. I think that we as WLS survivors are also extra critical of ourselves, and sometimes others. This makes it amazingly difficult to reach out and ask the hard questions...and also to listen to the answers.

I am finding myself making more "less healthy" choices as time passes, and although they are usually small portions, of course they add up. I am starting to fear the possible day when I will be making all "less healthy" choices and start to gain again. For instance, for Thanksgiving we went out of town to visit relatives. It was non-stop, wall-to-wall food and sweets for four days. I couldn't seem to stop myself from indulging in cookies and cake. I didn't dump once :o(. Even on the 13 hour drive home I bought and consumed two packs of M & M's. I don't know why I did any of it. The worst part for me is that I left Sac without planning...no protein shakes or bars, no foods that I could lean on when I needed to. I did it purposefully. By the end of our trip, I did feel a bit out of control.

Anyway, I (somehow??) didn't gain any weight while eating like crap. Most would think that it was a good thing...but for me, it just reinforces my ability to sabotage myself and my choices, because after all, I didn't gain so it must be okay, right? Ugh!! I am so afraid that I am heading down a path that I might regret ever trying.

I just have to say to you that I am so sorry that you have been struggling like you have. You are such a wonderful woman, and I know that you want to remain a success...you deserve it. These issues in our heads really seem to want to hang on and stay incognito. It sucks this can't be easier for us to figure out. I am so grateful that we at least have each other to lean on and look to for honest discussion without judgment. This board means the world to me...even if I sometimes get too busy to post or respond. It weird really....because I always have oodles of crap to talk about!! Honestly, I could drive everyone crazy if I talked about everything that goes through my head! Anyway, thank you soooo much for taking the time to respond. Maybe that will prompt others to come out of hiding? lol.

~Suz

I agree that this board means a lot to me too....and I am glad you asked the hard question and I had to write an even tougher response...but maybe publicly writing my issue will help me get a better grip on things.  I don't know.....And you know I almost came back on here and deleted my answer so that it would only have gone to you...but I decided not too...

I was just reading a devotional about Elijah and it talked about the roots of despair and one of them was success....believe it or not.  It stated that "there is often a let down following moments of great success and in the after glow of victory, it can be difficult to face the challenges of normal life"....I think that pretty much sums up where I am at this point...Fatigue and disappointment and loneliness were the other roots of despair listed and see parts of my current struggles in all these things.  Its like the first year was so easy and then when it got to the point where I had almost reached my goal..I got scaerd and tired and just gave up....and not able  or willing to cope with "normal life". 

Some of the responses to despair were -desire to escape (using food to escape from "normal life" and thus the weight gain, desire for solitude...I do find that I want to spend time alone more and more here lately and I am usually sitting home and end of grazing, desire for death-even thought about dying..not killing myself or anything :-) but just thought it would be nice not to have to worry about anything anymore, and then their was self pity....I am definitely all into that one..not taking any positive actions towards my poor eating behaviors just thinking whoa is me and watching the pounds pack on

And of course there was an action plan for the remedy of despair.....care and comfort, confrontation with God, which is hard..I don't really want to face up to my issues, but in order to get over them I have to, Call to help and clairty in truth were the others. 

When I was reading this morning I saw so many parrells to my wls journey that is was weird....the ending was saying that Elijah thought he was strong but found he was weak and how despeartely he needed God...I know part of my problem was that I was thinking "I' was doing all that work the first year but I know it was God grace and His Mercy that gave me the will power and help me make wise decisions...I definitely know now that I cant do it on my own or alone...And God has given me so many wonderful resources such as you....and others on this board who dont mind sharing and listen with out judgement.
End the end God rebuilt Elijahs life out of ashes of despair and I know He is going to do the same for me now!! 

Okay..so I did not mean to write so much but this is what was on my mind.  Thanks agin for always being there.

I'm so glad to hear that you have found something that speaks to you and gives you comfort and guidance. We could all use a little comfort sometimes...we just can't allow ourselves to use food to do that anymore! I know that you will find the answers you seek...it may be tough, but I am certain you will prevail over your issues. :o)

I so related to both of your posts.  Suz- I started like you- just a random day having too much sweets on an unplanned day.  I didn't gain the first few times- but I kept it up and it does show eventually.  My exercise is consistent for the most part- is that an oxymoron?  Sometimes the triplets get sick... but I usually get 3 times a week- sometimes more- sometimes less.  I tend to go in spurts.
I think mine has been just the poor food choices and the quantities.  A few weeks back I even started the fast food back- now there's a stupid self-sabotaging route...
I tend to set small goals for myself and sometimes that helps- but if I set too lofty ones- then it backfires on me.
I will struggle with this all of my life.  I know some RNY-ers who don't- but I will.  I used to think maybe I should have had the DS- but at the time they told me I wasn't heavy enough.  Plus I've heard that those of us with these issues can eat their way out of pretty much any surgery- and with the vitamin and absorption problems I have with the RNY- I can't imagine what it would be like with a DS...
Kinda- off track there-
I'm also drinking too close to eating.
I think mine may be partially hormone related or something cuz there are groups of days when I'm not nearly as hungry and some when I am totally out of control.
Thanks for posting this-
Brit

Ditto to almost everything that you said. I drink too close to meals...but still not with meals. I eat sweets...but usually just enough to feel really guilty about, never enough to gain or to make me sick. But, I still don't eat any fast food, mostly because the thought of it makes my stomach turn...I didn't like it at all pre-op either.

Anyway, the gain that finally catches up and doesn't leave is what makes me most fearful. I know that it will happen if I don't closely watch what I do and eat. I wondered for a quick moment if the DS would have been a better choice, too. I knew that I couldn't eat that much protein all of the time, or cut the carbs so drastically. It just didn't fit my life...RNY does when I do it right. So, here's to doing it right!