floundering, and so sad.......

Hi ladies-
Its been forever since I have posted here,mostly because I have stayed away, because I am afraid to show my face. I am almost 2 years out. I have lost 80 lbs, but havent lost anything in around 6 months. I am still 70 lbs from my goal. On the plus side, I have made permanent life changes, decaf coffee, lots of water, protein shakes and bars, on the minus, way too much carbs. I have 3 sons, including almost 4 year old twins.. One of them has Asbergers syndrome (a form of autism) Needless to say, life with him is hard. I struggle with depression on my best days. I see everyone who had surgery when I did who have lost so much more than me. I want to get back on track, I just dont know how... I want to get to goal and have my body lifted, or at the least, I dont want to go for my 2 year in Jan, and have the Dr tell me what a failure I am... Thanks for listening.

Jen
Roux-en-Y Jan 7, 2007
SW 299
CW 219

Jen-
Your doctor won't tell you that you are a failure, because YOU ARE NOT!  80 pounds is AWESOME, and you are re-gaining!  Please give yourself some credit for your successes. 

I can imagine your frustration at stalling when you haven't reached your goal, but I sincerely believe that it is not too late to get there.  Have you tried the 5 Day pouch test?  It is like a crash course back to the basics of post-surgery.  I have done it twice, just to get back in touch with what I am eating and how much.   Here is the link.

http://www.5daypouchtest.com/

Also, if you haven't talked with your doc about an anti-depressant, you might consider it.  It is hard to make good choices sometimes even when life is great, but it is near impossible when life has you feeling beat down or exhausted.  I have 4 kids, including 2 year old twins, and although my kids are all healthy and happy, they can really wear me out.  I notice when I am tired or stress, I immediately find myself standing in front of the fridge.  It is terrifying how easy those behaviors surface.

BUT every day IS a new day!  Focus on what you HAVE done, not what you haven't.  You can do it!

Jen-
I really liked what Belle said...
I just wanted to add and reiterate a few things...
You are not a failure!!!!  You've lost 80 pounds- go try and lift it- bet you can't!!!  You will follow what you tell yourself.  For every time you say or think I'm a failure- you HAVE to say I'm a woman who's lost 80 pounds.  I STILL have to do this every time I look in the mirror and I really do think it helps.  My mind says you still look fat and I have to say to myself you are NOT fat.
Now- on the multiples front- there's a bunch of us on here and we can all back you on this one- I don't care how many kids you have or how close together they are- Multiple children are tough.  They require more.  One of my triplets has mild CP, another one is SPED, and another one is so good at everything he's lazy... but I know the Dr appts and meetings and everything else they entail and it adds up.  Add to that a little depression and you've got a problem.  If you haven't tried an antidepressant- nows the time.  I've been on them previously and they helped tremendously.
The other thing I wanted to say was I want you to know how much easier my life has gotten since the triplets entered Kindergarten this fall.  They only go for 3 hours- but it is divine.  It is MY time and I can do whatever I want.  On MWF I usually go and exercise and T and Th run errands.  I want you to look forward to that time coming...but in the meantime- do NOT hideaway.  Not sure if that makes sense to you- but that's how i got fat.  I literally was overwhelmed from the triplets, my husband, my 2 step-children and especially myself.  I hid for years just eating away the time.  This past spring when I had gained 12 pounds- I told my husband I didn't want to go to a party (and we NEVER go out) because I was too embarrassed about my weight.  Can you believe it- at a freaking normal weight and I'm still acting like a nutjob?  You have to hang in there, get out and be proud.  80 pounds- seriously- you lift it!!!
I just started tracking again- that's an easy way to start fresh.  It shows me where I'm going awry and reinforces my good choices.  I also stay active here on this forum- especially Mondays- keeps me on track and focused...
Sorry to ramble- but your post touched me...
Holly

Aw, Jen....I'm so sorry that you are feeling defeated...but you are not a failure. You have, thus far, lost more than 1/2 of what you wanted to lose. 80 pounds is a lot to lose for anyone! If you aren't gaining, then you should look at what you are doing right, and do that more often. In contrast, you already acknowledge that the carbs are too high and must be tamed. This is a great first step. It is hard to get back on track when it is so easy to get off track...but just because it's difficult doesn't mean that it's impossible. A journey begins with a million little steps...so, don't be discouraged!! You can do this!!!
I have to admit that I don't know the demands of having twins or triplets, but I do know how much it takes to raise three kids. It can drive anyone to fall away from good habits and to forget to put ourselves first sometimes. However, you are worth fighting for!! You are worth the time that it takes to log your food and to plan your menu for the coming day. Once you are in the habit, it will only take a few minutes each day...and believe me, the accountability of just logging your food does wonders on the scale.
My biggest piece of advice to you, though, is this: Make time to connect with others for support. Someone is always here to talk to about what ever is happening in your life...even if it seems trivial or unimportant. We live to support each other and love to see "new" old faces around here! Also, use your profile! Get those thoughts down on "paper" before they pile up and sabotage your weight loss efforts. I think that we all can agree that for many, if not all, of us, emotions played a huge role in us becoming fat and unhealthy. Believe me, I post some things that may seem silly or trivial to some (a lot of crap about school) and that is certainly only important to me...but I write it down anyway. It really does take some of the pressure away for me.
Come back for Monday Morning Weigh Ins!! That is when we all touch bases for the week, and I find that I don't feel complete without it after all of these months and weeks! I look forward to seeing you around more often.

~Suz

Hey there! 80 lbs is wonderful and nothing to feel like a failure over. It would have been extrememly hard for you to lose that without having surgery. Also, you mentioned that you eating habits have changed, that's awesome. 

Try going back to the basics, protein first and then water, water, water. Vent here anytime you want.

Hey Jen:

I just wanted to encourage you to come back to the boards.  That was one of my big mistakes...I stopped posting and stopped keeping track of what I was doing and eating and started going back in to seclusion and those months that I was not doing what I had learned to do to be work my tool, I back slide big time and gained lots of weight.  I am still struggling but the more I post, the more hopeful I become.  I know I can get back on track and loose the regain I have and also to get to my goal.  And you can too!! Don't give up and posting this thread was one of those million little steps that is going to take you closer to your goal! Know that you don't have to do this alone and we are here for each other!!

Steph