How do you deal w/food police?

Okay, I am cranky. How do you deal with the food police? My hubby overate today. He acted like I had too. No, I couldn't--I asked for a to go box when my food came and loaded it up. I ate as I normally would. He ate most of my plate and then announced to the waiter that WE had eaten too much. He ate the entire bowl of salsa with chips. I had two. He acted like I had eaten the entire bowl. He then asked how I could eat so much? Had I stretched out my pouch? I looked at him and said "are you serious?" I opened my totally packed to go box and showed him all the food I was taking back and shoving in the hotel fridge. In the car, he proceeds to list my food violations: too much cheese (I limit myself to one slice a day); failure to eat salads (I still dump on lettuce) and how I eat too much starch--when I said "what starches", he said I eat beans every day. What? Several hours later I got a small package of pretzels and was nibbling on them. He got ballistic and pitched a fit saying this was just like before surgery and I was eating bad food and I would never get to goal if I ate those pretzels. I ignored him and kept eating them. He said I was putting food before him. Okay, I am not the only one in my house with food issues, apparently. My huge fear is that this is just the beginning of the food police moving in. I don't know how to handle this. I can't decide if I am angry, hurt, worried, or what. Has anyone else had anything like this happen? What do you do? Katy B

Hi Katy: I am sorry to hear that you had to deal with that...it seems very insensitive of your husband but I would think he was probably upset about something else and just lashing out at you (you know when we are hurting or upset, we usually hurt the ones we love and love because it is easier to do). I would have been angry and hurt by his comments and I would encourage you to discuss my feelings with him. You are doing a wonderful job ( the proof is in your weight loss) so continue to make the wise choices that work for you no matter what opinion the "food police" ( and there will be many, not just at home either) think! ((HUGS))

Katy, I'm sorry that your husband acted so hurtful towards you. I agree - maybe he was upset with himself for over indulging and took it out on you. At times my husband will "police" my intake, but usually he is right, I am eating too much or the wrong thing. He does it very lovingly and I know of out total concern for me. He hates it when I get sick from eating. Still, it is hard to hear sometimes. I think you are (or I know I would be) hurt over the way that he expressed his opinion of your intake. If possible you should talk it over and let him know that you appreciate his support but that was not really effective help. Hugs, Marilyn

Katy - that would bother me very much. First off, it sounds like you ate fine, second, even if you hadn't, we know when we are eating too much or the wrong things, we don't need a food police. Ya know? I'm sorry you had to deal w/ that. I would for sure have a talk with him and see what's up. Maybe he's worried about you gaining it back, but he's doing it the wrong way. You've learned to eat right now and this is no diet, it's a life change. Let him know that.

Thanks so much for the support guys! Ya'll are absolutely WONDERFUL!!! He says he isn't worried about the regain. But it has made me even more vigilant. So I guess, even tough episodes can benefit us. Hugs, Katy

Katy...I am so sorry to hear that your husband felt the need to criticize your eating habits. It sounds like he is feeling self-conscious with regard to his own habits and is projecting that onto you. He's not playing fair. But, as long as you know that you are doing what you need to do, that's all that you truly have control over, and he knows that, too. When he tries to police your eating habits, remind him that you are the one that had surgery, and that you are the one who lives with the consequences of your actions, but that you appreciate his concerns even though they are unfounded and baseless. I am somewhat fortunate in some ways...my husband is always telling me that I am not eating enough! Even on the days that I feel like I am out of control or eating like a pig, he tells me that I need to eat more and more often. Honestly, I think that he just misses having an eating partner. Could that be something that is a possibility with your husband, as well? This entire process and our new lifestyle changes so many more things than just how and how much we eat. It changes the dynamics of our relationships in some ways that we never truly expected...often for the better, but sometimes for the worse. All you can do is continue onward, doing what you know is right for you. Ask him to please support you in a way that feels good for you, and in a way that is not critical of you. ~Suz

Great points Suz, especially: "All you can do is continue onward, doing what you know is right for you. Ask him to please support you in a way that feels good for you, and in a way that is not critical of you. " I am thinking after trying to talk to him about it that it was an emotional blip on his radar. He was eating too much, transfering that on me, missing his eating partner, panicking at the thought that I would have the emotional roller coaster that I once was on (I think we ALL painfully remember that ordeal and thankfully don't miss it) and it all came tumbling out. Honestly, my hubby is absolutely brilliant but this much emotional analysis is so far beyond the male abilitiy that he doesn't recognise it. And I have become much more emotionally analytical since I am food dazed free. He has been wonderful since then. Men! Hugs, Katy