Does anyone else feel like a liar?

I was just talking to my mom about how surgery is definitely not the easy way out. That is so true, although I think many people don't see it that way. A friend yesterday was telling me about another friend of hers that had lost 70 pounds "BY DIETING". She very much seemed impressed and stressed that she did it without surgery, and I have to say I felt offended my her implication that her other friend worked for it and I did not. But perhaps I am being too sensitive? I am not sure... she is one of only 2 people at work that I told about the surgery. Which brings me to my question... Why do I lie about having had surgery. Not technically I guess, but I still feel like a liar. If anyone asks how I am losing weight, I tell them that I am lo-carb dieting and working with a dietician. These things are true of course, but I don't ever confide in them that I had surgery. I think internally I feel ashamed that I could not do it on my own? I am not sure. Does anyone else struggle with this? I feel like such a hypocrit. I am so glad I did this, but obviously I must have some hidden feelings about this that I haven't dealt with since I don't want anyone to know?! We are having a birthday party for my 3 year old next week and I will be seeing many people that I haven't seen since I had my surgery. I know I am going to have people comment on my weight (and that is a good thing!) but I know that I won't tell anyone how I have been doing it. Am I nuts?! Does wnyone else want to keep it a secret? I feel really crappy about this. I have always tried to live my life that I never do anything I would be embarassed by, yet now I feel embarassed to tell people that I had surgery. Jeeze, PLEASE PLEASE don't be offended anyone!!! I am just curious if I am alone in this? Belle

HI Belle - I totally understand where you are coming from, although I have to say I'm not embarrassed about my surgery. I choose not to tell people about the surgery because people don't get it. They don't understand the whole concept and procedure that it entails. Unless someone is overweight to being with they will never know what it is like to be in my shoes. We all have tried countless times to lose weight on our own, and unfortunately for us it just didn't work out. I applaud those who can lose weight w/out surgery and had really hoped that I could be one of those people, but as it turned out I wasn't. I feel that as an overweight person we are so used to having other people be so critcial of us, that this one more thing we feel we need to hide. I don't know the answers.......I hope you have a great time at your party and do not let anyone take away how good you feel about yourself for losing weight. You worked hard for it !! Marta

I understand how you feel. At first I was very secretive, but am learning to open up about it. You never know how someone might be touched by your story. In his weight loss seminar, my surgeon shares this statistic... 95% of all people who "diet" by changing their eating habits gain back some, all, or even more weight than before within 5 years. That was me before WLS. I am not sure that we all have the same story, but I believe that for me this was an opportunity to lose the weight and keep it off or atleast have a tool to aid in keeping it off for good. My health was getting worse and I had a desire to be thin, God opened the door for this surgery, and I ran through it. Many people see surgery as the easy way out, but unless you have dealt with weight loss and gain your entire life you are likely not even going to consider having any type of WLS. What works for one, doesn't necessarily work for all. In my opinon, it's wise not to share with everyone. I'm not sure about you but for me, I'd prefer not to have to justify myself to anyone. If I know someone well enough I'll tell them all about my surgery, otherwise in response to the question "how are you losing so much weight?" I will answer "portion control"....

Thank you both for sharing... I agree very much with what you both said. Marta- I think you really put it into words better than I did. I really don't think I am ashamed that I had to have surgery to conquer this, but I definitely don't want to open myself up to criticism from others by them finding out that I had this surgery. I just wish I had the confidence to open up about it. I know that I occassionally see people that are extremely obese, I part of me wants to tell them about the decision I made. I feel like it is intruding though, and I don't... Belle

Hi there! I know how you feel. People can be so judemental. It it totally up to you wether you tell them how you lost your weight or not. I wish people would ask me more about it though, I want to tell the world about my surgery! I couldn't be happier. But you disclosing that you had surgery is a very personal decision and don't worry about what other people say or think. You are doing awesome BTW!

Hi Belle: Your post was not offense at all! And I am sure that your thoughts and feelings are more the norm than not. While I am one to talk openly about my surgery to anyone who will listen...it is your personal choice to share or not to share. And with ppl like your friend insinuating that you took the easy way out, I can see why ppl are hesitant to share how they are losing weight. You should not feel ashamed that you "could not do this on your own".....this is not an easy way out...so they way we are losing weight is just as hard or actually I think it is harder than the way others lose it. Not only did you put your life on the line to become healthier, you have had to make some major adjustments to your eating habits and it will be a struggle from here on out to stick with it. You have a tool to help you lose weight but it is only a tool. If you did not make healthy food choices, you would not have the success that you have experienced. You make the choice what to put in your body everyday, just like everyone else, with or with out wls. So your choice is to watch your diet and do lo carbs and work with a nutrionist and you are seeing exceptional results. just know that there will always be ppl who just don't understand and will have closed minds and make comments with out thinking about what they are saying. Keep on doing what you doing and enjoy this wonderful time in your life and the years to come!!

No - but I feel more like an infomercial... I've never been good at keeping my mouth shut about things I feel strongly about. Maybe it's cuz I went to Columbia for my surgery- but I wanted as many people praying for me as possible!!! I also know that EVERYONE knows atleast one obese person and my story can be a positive one floating around since there are so many negative ones out there- and maybe it might help someone. Holly

Sorry Belle, I really can't relate but I do feel your pain. Here is how I dealt with it. Before the prospect of surgery I felt sad and hopeless that I was always going to be so fat that I would never be able to take my son to an amusement park, or just play with him. Just planning it and making the appointment for the consult seemed to give me new hope. I do know where you are coming from though. I debated on if I should tell anyone....you know what.... I told everyone heck I meet people for the first time and I tell them. I guess I just want the word to get out that there is hope and a chance to have a new life. I really think you have to go on gut feeling. I really felt that my co-workers would want the best for me and I just happened to call it right. My supervisor sent out a message to all the employees on our whole forest and you would not believe the number of cards I got.....I feel so humbled to work in a place like this. Everyone was so supportive and I have not heard one negative thing. They all know that I have to work at it as well. When we have a pot luck they see that I am unable to eat much and it is mostly protein and I absolutely cannot have desert and man do they have some good ones. They all see this and I really feel like a lot of them feel they couldn't do what I am doing. I have even had people tell me how courageous(sp) they think I am.....wow! I don't feel that way but I do know it was something I had to do for myself and my family in order to have a quality life. I find I am spending more time with my family these days rather then losing myself into some computer game. Thank God!!! I wish you all the best in coming to grips with this but don't feel like your liar. It is nobody's business unless you choose to make it so. Go with your gut feeling. Don't ever feel it is the easy way out...I think we can all agree it is anything but easy. Hope this helps!! I do love it when a co-worker or just someone I know comes to me and says hey I have a friend who is considering this can they call you? I refer them to this site and say absolutely. I simply love how this has changed my life. ((((hugs)))) Anna Anna

Well, it definitely sounds like I am the only one not sharing this journey! This is what I suspected and adds to my feelings of dishonestly. I am VERY happy that so many of you are so at peace with this and are so glad to share with others. I think I just don't want to open myself up to negative criticism, and if I am totally honest with myself, I am a little ashamed that I couldn't do it the old fashioned way. I am such an overacheiver in the other aspects of my life, that I feel like I failed myself a little. I think I just need to deal with those feelings and come to terms with it. Maybe because I have been thin the majority of my life and I still cannot explain why I doubled my weight in 5 years? I am not sure. I do know that 3 people mentioned how much weight I was losing yesterday at work and it felt great that so many are noticing. (Also I went shopping for pants on my lunch and I officially wear a 22, down from 26/28... so YEAH!) Of course, I still felt those pangs of dishonestly again when they asked what I was doing and I stuck to my old lie and replied "lo carb, working with a dietician, gave up sugar, etc..." All things are true, but you all know that is not really honest! Anyway, thanks so much for your feedback. I am very glad to have such great women to share this journey with! I wish I would have found you during those first 2 months!! Belle

Hi Belle - I don't share w/ everyone I talk to as well. Just yesterday someone at work said to me " you've lost alot of weight" I said "thank you" - b/4 I could finish she asked if I'm feeling ok. I said I feel great..... but I did not elaborate. I have only told my closest family and not everyone in my extended family. I feel too judged - and I too at one point felt the guilt of not doing this on my own. I no longer feel guilty about that. I also wonder if I'm not telling people because you get those who expect you to gain it back.... like I have done in the past. I do know that it is a "hot" subject and everyone has an opinion whether they research it or not. I also think it is hard for some - not all - over weight people to see you losing weight I used to be so jealous - because then I was always the biggest in the room. If another overweight person sincerely asks how I lost my weight I will without a doubt share my positive exprience. Maybe as time goes on and you become more comfortable with everything that is happening to you - will feel comfortable sharing your experience. ((hugs)) Marta