You Know You've Had Gastric Bypass/Lap Band When.......

My friend emailed this to me and I thought it was so hysterical that I had to share it with you all. Enjoy! Feel free to add to it as well. YOU KNOW YOU HAVE HAD GPB/LAP BAND WHEN......... * I have a date" does not mean you're going out. * You have baby food in the house and no baby. * "I'm a loser" is a good thing. * "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death. * New clothes fall off in a week. * You get excited about hand me downs. * The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please". * Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing. * "Jus****er for me please". * When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide. * When you get excited that your incision was "only 4 inches". * When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club. * Other women are calling you names behind your back. * When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't "belong there". * When you really don't have a thing to wear. * You have to prove you are the person on the driver?s license. * You start being in the pictures not behind the camera. * You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeon's card. * You are never parted from a bottle of water * When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal. * Being too small for your britches. * When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder. * When you go to the mall and take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door. * You truly are a "cheap date". * When one drink makes you flipping floozy! * When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound. * You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar. * Vitamins feel like a meal. * You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction. * You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?" * You can cross your legs... both of them * Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra * When your obsession from food turns to your scale. * They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile. * No more Velcro shoes * When your Stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables * your mother says "You don't eat enough" * When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have success with this." * Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him. * You can wear corduroy pants without igniting a fire * When you wave and your upper arms wave back * You safety pin your underwear * Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress * Cannot blame the cat/dog for shedding * Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card * 3 Lean Cuisines a week and that's your total grocery purchase * The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god...did he die??? * Having to constantly BLAME the dog for your gas!

"rofl" Crystal that was too funny!! Thanks for sharing. Anna

Thank you so much for sharing this. We can always use a good laugh... Pam

Thank you for sharing! For most people that list would not be as exciting as it was for me. That is a definite keeper!

I can relate to so many of these. I love it...I just hope I don't have trouble with my boobs...the whole pony tail holder thing does not sound pleasant.... Lori