Please Read! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!

Hi Everyone!

 

Remember me?  A year ago at this time I was the girl who was holding steady with her weight.  Sure, that girl had some personal issues…but who doesn’t?  The one thing that was going okay was that I knew I would start off the New Year not having to worry too much, for the first time ever, about losing weight.  I was holding at around 165…a comfortable weight for my 5’10” frame.  162 was my lowest weight but I was fine with 165.  I wore short shirts that showed my butt and tight dresses.  I tossed all my old sweats and, even if I had to run a quick errand, I put on full make-up and did my hair.  I stood tall.

 

Who am I now?  I am a terrified shell of myself from a year ago.  I am a girl who is tipping the scales at, am I actually admitting this? ...178!  I am ***16*** lbs up from my lowest weight.  I am only ***6*** lbs away from the weight I was in college when I called myself a “fat pig”.  A year ago, I NEVER thought I would get near to that weight again.

 

Today I sit here in a turtleneck sweater and a scarf.  Yes, a scarf.  I am always cold, it is true…but I feel like the scarf (it is long, black and bulky) hides me.  I have reverted to wearing a sweater again…all the time.  My dresses, even the ones I bought for winter, are relegated to the back of the closet.  I am thick-waisted and frumpy.  I don’t ever do my hair and I almost never bother to put on make-up.  At home, I live in sweatpants and an over-sized LL Bean flannel.  The flannel is a men’s Large.  Men’s medium used to be oversized on me.  Not anymore.  I am barely squeezing into my size 10 jeans.  My face is round and I always look tired.  I am miserable.

 

There are a lot of reasons for reverting to old, BAD habits.  Life, for one (being a Mom  - practically a single one – being a full-time employee, having debt and money worries…stress, stress and more stress).  But I think one of the biggest reasons is…I stopped coming to this board.  I did not realize until recently how much this board made me accountable (even though I did not post to Kay and April’s Accountability post often enough!).

 

So I am on a mission.  I implore everyone to come back to the board!  If you are afraid to come back because you have gained and are embarrassed, don’t be!  That is what we are here for.  I think we are ALL struggling…none of us are alone!  If you are too busy to come to the board, try to find time if you can.  My life is crazy and hectic but, if my sisters and brothers make the effort, so will I!  If you just don’t want to be here because you feel you have moved on, please reconsider.  Remember what it was like when you DID need us!  Well, I need you back!!  Finally, if you DO read this board and are a lurker…COME OUT OF LURKERDOM!  And just don’t say you will…do it!

 

I am going to send an email to everyone that I have an email address for and implore you all to come back!  I need my wonderful support system back!  Don’t you?  If so…THEN JOIN ME!!!!

 

All my love and hugs…and lots of pathetic begging!!

 

Jersey Mom

Hi Jersey,
  So sorry to hear about what you've been going through with your weight.  I think you look beautiful in your avatar picture.  You should still be proud of yourself about all the weight you've lost from your highest. 
  I know I've been a lurker on & off as I've been extremely busy with work, the holidays and planning my wedding.  I will try to pop in more often to hi.  I bounce back & forth between 135-137 from my highest of 265.
   Hang in there & if you need to chat at all shoot me an email.  I can't wait to start working on my Xmas cards. 
 Hope everyone else is also well.

Love,
Carly

Hey Carly!

Congratulations on both keeping your weight off AND your upcoming wedding!  When is the date?

Have a wonderful holiday season!

Love and hugs,
JM

Thanks Jersey, the date is set for 10/24/09

You also have a wonderful holiday season.

Carly

I hear you with the wait.....I am up too, but I know that it is my fault and I am now trying to fix it so that I am more accountable to myself and not just gobbling up whatever crap I decide to cram in my mouth. I am here a lot lurking, yes I am a guilty lurker, but I will try and make an effort to say more....I just never feel like I am a productive member....maybe that is just me. Anyway, I will be here more and try to respond to everyone. Thanks for the much needed kick in the pants!!!
 Steph

Hey Steph!

Anytime you post you are being a productive member!!  I am so happy that you will be around more often.  I am going to do my very best to do the same! 

Thanks so much for joining in!!

Love and hugs and happy holidays!!

JM

Hey Jersey,

You inspired me to post, you may regret it:) 

I think you look great!  You are tall and have great legs, see me being jealous!  We are all slipping up, but we all worked hard to get where we are now, we just have to keep moving along and supporting, even when we fall! 

Nik

Amen, sister!

And thank you for the kind words.  I am tall but I feel tall and fat!  :)

But, yes...if we keep supporting one another, I KNOW we can all get back on track!!

Love and hugs,
JM

OK here is my turn to share with you all.....

Last March I came back from vacation and was at a great weight of 134 lbs. I loved it. But I then started on Cymbalta for pain and not depression. (not looking for excuses) I then slowly gained weight over this time through my own fault .......I got myself up to a shocking 170lbs. None of my clothes fit and I feel like a cow! I gained 36 lbs and have no one to blame but myself. I joined the gym in June and went faithfully almost every single day through September. Everyone kept saying how good I looked but the scale did not budge. I enjoyed the gym and so did my hubby. I started back in school and things got hectic (again not looking for excuses) but I was busy with school and had less time for the gym so both John and I slacked off. Now I need new clothes because none of mine fit. I look in the mirror and feel like a failure. I come home and put on comfy PJ bottoms so I can hide. I also went back to wearing very baggy sweatshirts. I am ashamed and sorry to admit I have failed. I quit coming to the boards to post because I felt alone and there seemed to be no one else in my shoes. I still lurked but I was hiding.  I hate the fact that people judge us and I am afraid of getting together over the holidays and having people checking me out. Not necessarily speaking out load about it but seeing it in their eyes. Jersey and I recently chatted and we realize we are NOT alone! There are several of us gaining and perhaps we can lean on each other for the support we need.  I am giving a commitment to myself starting January 1st to get back on track and at least start losing again. I am not sure I want to get back to 134 lbs but I will definitely try and get back to feeling good about myself and begin going to the gym again. I owe this to myself as well as to my family!

I have missed you all!
Love, Chris

Hey Lady!

Yes!  January 1st will be our re-committment date!  I am supposed to see my surgeon at the end of January but, I have to tell you, unless I get my weight a bit more under control, I am not going!  It truly is a waste of time, anyhow.  I end up waiting more than an hour just to talk to him for 2 minutes.  I will get my bloodwork done, though...I just don't want to see him (well, I want to see his yummy face but you know what I mean).  Plus, my insurance changed and I don't think he takes it.  Ah well.

It was SO great chatting with you the other night.  I feel so inspired by it!!!

Have a great night!

JM