Hmm, Your Expertise Please?

*~*Jaci *.
on 11/27/08 11:39 pm - Central Valley, CA
Hi everyone!  At an attempt to be more active over here I am asking for your help.  I am in the process of transfering out to Duquesne University in Pennsylvania and would love it if you'd read my personal statement and give me some improvement ideas??

Thanks!!!
xoxo


Tell us something unique about you, why you chose your particular major, and how you expect Duquesne University to help you achieve your academic, personal and professional goals.  Please include any examples of your research, shadowing or volunteer experiences.

Prior to 2006, my life was headed in a different direction. At a young age, I threw myself into a field that put the focus not on me in any way, but on the animals I worked with. They accepted me for who I was, they never judged me or questioned my abilities. They cared not what I weighed, nor what I wore or how I looked. By age 8, I was a member of 4-H and in high school I was a part of the Future Farmers of America.  Throwing myself into every animal project available I won many awards based on my management, husbandry and leadership skill.  I was named Master Showman my junior year of high school, elected Treasurer in the Merced-Mariposa Sectional FFA and exhibited champion rabbits across the country along with Brown Swiss dairy cattle.  I’ve had the privilege of being Merced County 4-H’s Small Animal Advisor since 2002 and continue to work with the local 4H and FFA programs in my county.  I’ve also been able to represent California in the National FFA Band.  In 2001 and 2002 I was named first chair tuba and performed solos at the National Conference in Louisville, Kentucky.

 

I was good at what I did, but I was not happy. I truly loved music, but lacked the confidence to make it my future career goal. I was overweight and I used that weight as an excuse to tell myself that I was not good enough to be a performer. In music, the focus is not on anything but the performer and I was not ready for that attention. I wanted to continue to hide, to live in my shell, and the small world I had created for myself. This all changed in 2006 when I decided to make a drastic change.  Being morbidly obese I was destined to have physical pain, medical issues, and a shorter life span; to save my life I underwent gastric bypass January 6, 2006.  My three year anniversary is fast approaching and I can only see great things happening.  I am no longer borderline diabetic; I can walk, stand and run.  I’m able to enter a room and not cower in a corned in an effort to keep attention away from me.  I am strong and know life is not a horrible thing, it is an everlasting rollercoaster with opportunities at every turn and loop.

 

Upon entering junior college I was determined to major in agriculture, specializing in education.  I took the necessary course load and managed to do satisfactory at the beginning of my career.  As life happened, I had lost and regained multiple jobs, went through the normal new student blues and finally decided agriculture would not be beneficial to me as a career path.  Although I loved working with livestock and educating young children about California’s fruitful soil, my heart yearned for more.  After high school I still played with local ensembles whenever I could.  I accompanied my grandmother’s church choir on flute and played tuba in the college’s concert band as well as trombone in its jazz band.  After my gastric bypass I decided to make music my ultimate goal.  I’d love to be a performer, providing the bass to every well known Broadway hit, but before I get there I plan to teach.  Teaching has always been my passion whether in agriculture or music.  I adore seeing bright young faces taking in every new thing I bring to the table.  As an educator I will plant the seed that will continue to grow through high school, thus inspiring tomorrow’s greatest musicians, composers and directors.

 

I have come full circle in every aspect of my life.  My goals have cemented and I’m completely ready to tackle them head on with the help of Duquesne.  I have always wanted to go away to school, yet keep the same down home feel of my small hometown.  I fell in love with Pittsburgh the moment I stepped off the plane in October.  The hilly streets, colorful leaves, crisp weather and not to mention the many suburbs.  A ten minute drive led me from quiet family life to downtown hustle and bustle- sublime!  Prior to falling in love with the campus virtually, I didn’t consider religion based schools as a possibility.  Although I’ve led a Christian life, I haven’t made it a huge priority in my day to day living.  In doing my research I felt a sense of belonging and realization in learning about the Spiritan way and how Duquesne came to be one of the three great universities in Pittsburgh.  I would love to continue the development of my spiritual life.  Duquesne sports a phenomenal school of music.  I expect great things to come from my studies under recording artists and upper degree educators.  It will definitely be an honor to study under the direction of tubist, Craig Knox.

 

I am aware that my past is dark and may be a concern to those considering my acceptance into Duquesne University as well as the Mary Pappert School of Music.  I have failed at many classes and have been slow in dropping courses I was sure not to finish.  My attendance as well as performance in the classroom has been poor.  The last three years have given me greater visions of my future and what I want to accomplish. I no longer have the issues of self doubt and the lack of confidence to hold me back. I see Duquesne University as the door to my future and I am ready to step through it and progress. I have broken out of my shell and am prepared to be part of a university and a community with a diverse student body and many activities, both academic and non-academic, to participate in. It is my time to shine and know that I will be successful after college and be able to make a name and place for myself in our society. I am hoping that Duquesne University is the place that helps me accomplish that.

 

 

*~*Jaci*~*

The more things the change, the more they're still the same.

Alejandro Gonzalez
on 11/27/08 11:55 pm - Zapopan, Mexico
Hey JACI!!! what a wonderful opportunity to say Hi!!!

I loved your description of the change you have had. I am very inclined to numerical data. You have said the hard information of not having helth issues as pain, and diabetes. But for me it is really impresive to state how many pounds you have lost. It will put in persepective that you have made all needed to come back to a healthy life. If you say the number they will not have a doubt what you are capable to change in ordet to put you life under your conditions.

It's impresive what you have achieved. My respect and admirations for you. I hope your goals will come true very soon

your friend

Alex
*~*Jaci *.
on 11/28/08 8:00 am - Central Valley, CA
Thanks Alex!!!!!!

*~*Jaci*~*

The more things the change, the more they're still the same.

Ms T.
on 11/28/08 6:18 am - Northern Chicagoland, IL
 I have a number of thoughts which I will send offline in a direct email. xoxo
*~*Jaci *.
on 11/28/08 8:06 am - Central Valley, CA
Should I be worried about the number of thoughts?

*~*Jaci*~*

The more things the change, the more they're still the same.

Ms T.
on 11/29/08 12:13 am - Northern Chicagoland, IL
 Oh no, no worries!!  I will detail in an email.  Your story is warm and compassionate, it shows a lot of work and change.  But weight is a personal issue and not something I suggest including in a college application.  It is none of their business, you are asking to be evaluated on your academic credentials and potential and while weight has influenced where you have been, I suggest removing all references to it.  You have a very strong style of writing that brings out who you are.

This reminds me of my nephews application to NYU - he wrote a similair essay but about how NY and the school would be an ideal atmosphere for him because he's come out as gay.  One can relate to the self discovery involved but it really was irrelevant to his academia and what he as a student would bring to the school.
*~*Jaci *.
on 11/30/08 9:55 am - Central Valley, CA
I understand what you're saying.... but I am a poor student as of right now.  I am highly embarrassed of what I haven't accomplished in school and weight is directly related to it.  I was at 3.8-4.0 student in high school and now have a whopping 1.89.  Booooooo

*~*Jaci*~*

The more things the change, the more they're still the same.

Ms T.
on 11/30/08 12:21 pm - Northern Chicagoland, IL
 This is about the FUTURE not the past.  We are here to help you shake loose the beliefs of yesterday and onto a new tomorrow  - based on who YOU are and what YOU have ACCOMPLISHED in your PROFESSIONAL life. YOU are a WINNER!!  xooxox
Rose Reinhart
on 11/30/08 12:01 am - Boone, NC
Jaci-

Let me know if you get in.................I would love to have you in the 'STEEL CITY'!!!!!!!!!!

Rose from Pittsburgh :-)
*~*Jaci *.
on 11/30/08 9:56 am - Central Valley, CA
I have my audition January 30th, we soo have to meet up!

Go Pens!

*~*Jaci*~*

The more things the change, the more they're still the same.

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