Jealous

I'm incredibly jealous. I don't know why I'm feeling this way... but for anyone to tell me how close they are to goal or Onederland I totally get this pang of jealousy. I've always been so happy for everyone, but lately I've been cold to them. It is worse when the person who is so close hasn't done anything within their doctor's suggestions, is eating the crappy stuff and drinking whatever they want. I'm jealous cuz they're so close and here I am struggling to stay under a weight when all I want to do is see the number one in front of two other numbers. I don't really have anyone to turn to... I feel like I have to be some kind of tutor or inspiration at my support group. I don't mind being there for the newbies, but who do I go to for me, ya know? Thanks for listening guys... I really appreciate it.

Jaci, You are not alone. I am no where near my goal of 180 (current weight 232). 180 will still have me as overweight if not obese for my height. I have lost 130 pounds and am still an 18W, not a two or four or "sixes that just hang on me". I remind myself that everyone has to live thier own story and I have to live mine. I am healthy. I am able to eat well. I have had no complications. I can move. BUT I WANT TO BE A SIZE 8!!!!!! Oh, sorry, forgot I was being supportive! Maybe some day that size 8 will happen. Maybe not. Either way is okay. Just know you can always contact me to vent. Teresa

That Size 8 will come to us one day...

Hey Chickie! Jealousy is an ugly emotion, isn't it? I consider myself *extremely* lucky that I spent the majority of my life NOT being jealous. Even at my heaviest I was never *jealous* of skinny people...I knew that it would be up to me to get there. Having said that, I felt my first pang of jealousy when my friend had WLS. I was always comfortable knowing that she was the heavy one (I was 5'10" and around 280, she was 5'6" and around 310). That green monster reared its VERY ugly head once she started to lose weight. I began to actually hate her! I am SO ashamed of feeling that way but I have come to terms with it. I got over it and never looked back (well, sadly, I got over it because I now weigh less than she does again!). But, sister...I have to say, from time to time I get little pangs of it even now. I am a solid size 10. I am not necessarily jealous of those in a size 6...but I DO feel pangs of envy for those who have been able to get plastic surgery. I am SO happy with my weight loss...thrilled! But my thighs and tummy are DISGUSTING and I feel almost as ashamed of them as I did about my fat. What I am trying to say is...I totally understand and I totally empathize. It kind of bites that we went through this entire process and are still not completely happy with the results, right? But you, Chickie...are an inspiration! And I KNOW you will reach your goals...you just have to believe you can! All my love and big, bug hugs! JM

Yes, I am most jealous of those who's plastics come out perfect. They're adorable, they have tiny waists and nothing to show they were once large. I'm better today, but still in pain.

Hi Jaci, Although, I can definitely understand your feelings, personally, I try to view each person's journey as their own... anyone else's success or failure is there's, alone. Of course, it might be easy for me to say this, because I consider my own WLS journey to be a complete success... 100%. As a matter of fact, the jealousy concerns that you express is a big reason why I don't post personal updates much on OH any longer. If I pop in and say "I've been below goal for almost 2 years!" or "Hey Guys... I just signed up to do an IronMan!", I feel like I'm just bragging. (Honestly, I kinda feel like I'm bragging, just by typing that stuff, right there!) I realize that I've worked hard to get to this point, and should not worry about this... But, I do see so many people struggling and I really don't have much to offer as far as advice goes. I doubt that, "Hey... just get up at 5 AM every day and log 100 miles each week" is much of an option for most others. I care very much about everyone here... It does seem that, even though we all started at a similar point, that the farther out we get, the more our roads diverge. Be Well, A.J.

That's the thing... I'm incredibly happy to hear updates! I'm usually genuinely excited for other and congratulatory. Its just lately I feel the jealousy. But seriously, congrats on all you success!!!

There is a huge deal about this right now on the TX board. They are calling it Adopt A Grad. Everyone supports the newbies and the old timers are struggling. I never made it to goal. My goal was 175. Obviously, with the pregnancies, I am not near and will not be near goal for quite some time. I will probably have 50 - 60 pounds to lose after this baby is born to get to 175. If I could back to 190ish, I would be happy. OR WOULD I ??? I did reach my size goal. I wanted to wear a 14, when I got pregnant the first time, I was in a solid 12 and had 3 pairs of 10s. But now, even if I got to 175, I doubt I could get in a 12 - my body shape changed with the last preg and I can only imagine after this one. I was in a 16 when I got preg this time and just went to Lane Bryant - a store I never wanted to shop in again and bought some shorts to take me through the pregnancy. I bought a 20 - that was so depressing. Yes, I will be able to wear a 20 at nine months pregnant and with Grace I was in a 30/32 when I was 9 months pregnant but still a size freaking 20... I asked about a panni during my c-sec and the ps said it would not be a good time to do it too much residual baby fat. I wanted to tack it on b/c I will have met all my deductibles and max out of pocket for this year once I pay for all the preggo stuff. One of my problems is I still use food for comfort. Unlike being 6 months out, I can pack away the goods. I had a craving for a sub. So, I did what any pregnant woman does ~~~ Went and got one ... ate 2/3 of the bun and nearly all of the meat. At six months, I could the meat and that was it. I also do not follow the rules ... protein first - BLAH ~ I am back in the carb cycle. Of course, you need carbs when you are pregnant - but I did not need the lolipop this morning for desert after my whole grain toast. I do something good - good toast, good carbs, fiber to help my bm's - then I eat a damn lolipop - why? I drink while eating too which I know is why I can eat so much more - I just keep shoving it past the pouch and into the limb. This question kills me ... how do I stop my weight loss - oh shut the hell up ~~ is exactly what I want to tell "those" people ... I know I would be struggling with out the pregnancies ... then I would really have to be accountable and responsible. I would have NO excuse at all. Ok, those are my ramblings ... I am sorry you are struggling ... love ya hun!

I was so upset last night, I ate an entire 6 in sub, waited and then other half. OMG!! Right then and there I had to fix something. So I just said outloud I'm letting go. This morning I feel sooo much better, its weird. I love you too Jenn!!! And your babies, what a blessing.

Hey sista, I am right along with you.....so frustrated that I flirt with the 200 number despite eating well. I have too much wine which is sugar but overall, I eat very well and still dont see the numbers change. My surgeon assured me I'd be around 140 when all was done and I cant get back to the 180's which was my lowest. I hear success stories and like you, wish them all the best but feel jealous inside that I have not achieved more. And it is not limited to WLS friends - friends who can be disciplined with their diet and exercise plan....I just dont seem to have it. My PS turned out fabulous - the woman who is doing my bikini laser hair removal says I have the best scar she's ever seen of hundreds - but to me, I see those nasty thighs and arms and cant take the beauty of what wonderful gift I have received. So know we're in it together..... I get to LA on Saturday afternoon and am there until Thursday morning. I've got some time during the week so if you can make it that way, I'd love to see you and have a hug. Lots of love and friendship, Tiffers T