Hurtful comments to my daughter......

As most of you know..............I have a daughter who is 19 (20 in Feb) Beautiful girl but low confidence.... she works as a greeter at a car dealership and works with a bunch of over weight, older men who get off in belittle ling her. OK MY problem is this: She weighs 147 lbs and is 5 foot 3 inches. By no means is she fat and according to the charts she has an overweight BMI of 26 (exactly) She needs to lose 6 pounds to put her at a normal BMI but right at the top of normal. One of her co workers told her to go outside and brush snow off the cars because it is good exercise and she is FAT and needs exercise! I am lost for words (this is a first for me) I usually am very good with comebacks when people would say things to me but I do not know what to tell her except to look for another job. Realistically there are people like that everywhere. I do not know how to help her and she has seen me struggle almost her whole life? Advice or opinions would be appreciated.... Hugs, Chris

I'm sorry she's going through this. That's awful for them to treat her that way. She needs to stand up for herself though and not let them get away with it. Is there a boss that she can go talk to? Someone she can file a harrassment complaint against. In the mean time she needs to be looking for another job. Hugs, Anna

Wow, this is a hard one. I can see where searching for a new job seems like the answer but as you said, there are hurtful people everywhere. One cannot run every time there is adversary cir****tances. I have faced this thru my life. The approach that tended to end it was to look back at the insensitive cad, offer the biggest and sweetest smile possible and nicely suggest that they join as clearly they also need the exercise. "it looks like you could also use some hard exercise, perhaps we can find you a shovel so we both have this opportunity to burn some calories" Just the shock of a (polite) response ended taunts and put people in their place. Encourage her to practice so it flows easily should it happen again. Remind her that people say rude things often to make themselves feel better, such comments are often about their own lack of self confidence and not a reflection upon her. Reminding myself of this at times of conflict usually gives me a grounded feeling to RESPOND and not REACT to a situation. If it happens again/regularly, I also agree that mentioning this to her supervisor is appropriate. Hope this helps..... ~Tiff

Chris, Gosh this is a toughie.....My girls struggle with confidence issues also.... I can tell you I have a very close friend that is a GM at a car dealership and he has told me stories and I have heard stories from others....those guys are rude stuck on themselves and very piggish. Since me friend is the GM lots of people we know have worked for him at one time or another and all of the women say its hell and they never last long with those guys....... I would suggest another job (hey what about MAC ) I think that would be an awesome esteme builder for a teenager... Tori

I guess the problem is that you can run into an idiot anywhere and changing jobs won't always be the answer. The best thing to do is ignore it. Obviously this person has a problem and your daughter has to learn how not to make other people's problems her problems. Usually when someone hits with a nasty comment it is usually a projection of their own self doubt and low self esteem. People that feel good about themselves usually don't go aroudn putting other people down. Let her know that. this person probablly feels so bad about themself that they try and feel better by trying to make other people feel bad too. To get back at them, well you just can't let them get away with it. And give her a big hug!

Hi Chris!!! I have thought all morning about this issue... I know it hurts a lot when our kids are suffering... but being objective, it is an issue she has to deal with. She needs to understand that her happyness and well being must not depend on other people's comments. I would talk to her and would explain her that there are people outside home who will be hurtfull and nasty. She needs to be prepared to deal with this kind of people and take life by its horns. Of course I understand she is ungry and hurted, the problem is the attitude she is taking to confront the situation and run away will never be a healthy option. I hope she will find the strength to go over this and will start to get wiser and not take these kind of stupid comments with the importance it really has. It is only garbage and should be treated like that!!! no importance at all... once again, I understand the self confidence issue... but she needs to start up to fight back... I am sorry not to have a nice good advice to her... just the wish that she will go over all these nasty issues and will become a strong, wise, confident young lady!!!... Best Regards Alejandro from Guadalajara Mexico

It really hurts when people hurt those we love, maybe even more than when they hurt us. I can understand and sympathize with you and your daughter. Just tell her that if that ever happens again just look them up and down and walk away or tell them that she wouldn't want to deprive them of the exercise. Or maybe simply "It's not in my job description" and walk away to do something that does fall in her job description in another part of the business. Don't let jerks chase her away or she will always be running from jerks. Hazel

Chris, Does this dealership have a personel office or human resourse person? Her coworkers are creating a hostile work environment and possible sexual harassment as the men in power positions are making comments that are not relevant to her job. She should go to someone in a charge position and use these words. She needs to keep a record of what is said to her by whom and when and who she reported it to. This can all be used if she needs to take this issue further. If you leave a job under these cir****tances you can often collect unemployment benifits. As a last resort a letter from a lawyer often stops this type of behavior. teresa