Such a failure and loser!!!

I feel like such a failure and loser and I don't know what else to do. I had my RNY Jan 23 2006 and from that I was 341 and went down to 206, I had a Tummy Tuck April 16 2007. The day of that surgery I had gained a little up to 210, ok 4lbs. I can deal with that. About 2 weeks after my tummy tuck, I was 201.5. They cut off 10.9lbs off of me. The lowest weight I have been since Jr High. I felt so great, looked even better. I don't know what happened since, I just can't seem to help myself. I eat in the middle of the night, my food demons are BACK in full force and now I am up to 232lbs.It just keeps going up and up and up OMG. I am such a loser and a failure. I am fairly happy, I have a wonderful boyfriend that supports and loves me. My daughter does stress me out sometimes, finances are getting to me, I am stressed from that sometimes. But its like when I pick up food ITS NOT ME and I can't stop it. I crave it so bad I HAVE TO HAVE IT. I just felt like I had to tell someone. I know no-one else can fix it but me. I do go to the gym 3 days a week and I really do a great workout for 1 hr. I mean I do treadmill, bike, & weights. But the days I don't go to the gym I do NOT feel motivated to get my butt up and MOVE. What is WRONG with me? I don't dump anymore, I wish I did. I can eat ANYTHING I want. I am not really depressed, I don't feel suicidal, I just don't know what I can do to NOT eat at night or eat the BAD things during the day and get my butt up and move more. I am NOT LAZY. My house is cleaned, all my clothes and dishes are washed, my daughter is taken care of. I pay my own bills, own my own home, etc.... I work full time and a single mom. Yes I have a boyfriend, but he does not pay my bills or take care of my daughter. I DO IT ALL!! ANY suggestions?? I can't gain this weight back, I JUST CAN'T but it seems like I am doing it, slowly but surely. WTF??? I AM A FAILURE!!!!!!!!!

Melissa....good to see you post even though you are struggling. This is the place to come for support. Are you getting enough protein? So many of us have found that to be the answer when managing our food cravings. Congrats on all your accomplishments - the gym (!!!!), work, taking care of your daughter. I think its a fallacy that our weight will drop equal to what's removed in a tummy tuck. I guestimate that they took off over 10+ lbs from my abdomen but have not seen that reflected on the scale. I dunno why, it seems like easy math to me...some say it is water/swelling/whatever. The point is not to beat yourself up about it. Stop calling yourself a loser and failure!! Rather, think of yourself as a winner, a gorgeous woman, in control and a champ. Mentally we condition ourselves and if you think positive thoughts your behaviour can change, too!! Is there some sort of therapy you can get involved with, just to vent? Keep coming here to post your food each day. We're here to listen and help.... ~Tiffany

I am sorry you are going through this........your in the right place for support. Tori

Melissa, Hugs to you! I agree with Tiffany - eat protein first - try the plateau busters to get rid of your carb cravings. We are here for you....keep us posted. Rhonda

Melissa, Be strong you can do this. You're not a failure you're human and stress is terrible for weight be it gaining or losing. If at all possible seek some professional help. If you wake up in the middle of the night and want some food try drinking some water first. Come online and post for a bit anything to get your mind off of eating. You have lots of shoulders here to lean on. Hugs, Anna

Don't think you are the only one that has put some weight back on. I went from 162 to 197 in the last 6 months. It is stress and I know it. Just keep plugging away. You'll get things back on track. You're only a failure if you chose to see yourself that way. So don't choose to see yourself that way. Focus on protein first and get your water in. Those oh so bad for you foods will always call your name, but you'll get better at saying no. And when you don't, there is always the next day. It isn't as if one day is your last oppurtunity to eat right. We all flub sometimes. Hazel

Hi Melissa!!! You came to the right place... the fear of geting the extra pounds is a ghost that is treatining us. We have discussed that in the past few days. I had an "accident" few months ago and gained 15 lbs without noticing at all... When it came to my attention that my pants were a "little bit" tighter and at last visited the scale it was too late... 15 pounds over me!!! What I did was to visit my nutritionist and ask for help. I did a detailed honest diariy of all my intakes, including water. I discovered patterns of missbehavior that were easyer for me to take care due to the fact that I had them before my eyes due to the aid of the diary. Bety my nutritionist told me that there were days I was having intakes of 1500 calories a day but there were other days that I increased them to 2500. Another issue was to deal with anxiety and depression. I looked for ways out of food to release the daily stess, ofcourse I have had therapy since then. It is good for you to work out three times a week. Why not to encrease the working out? if this is an option ofcourse. I am with Tiff too... you will find yourself with a better control of eating compultion if you increase your intakes of protein. Large amount of water helps too... My best wishes for you... you are not alone... we are here to support you... Best Regards Alejandro from Guadalajara Mexico

Hey Melissa. I think you are going through what most of us are. Alejandro said it best...try to keep a food diary. I did that, and I can say that it has helped. That way you can see how many calories you're taking in each day and you can see what your triggers are. You may not be depressed, but you're certainly stressed. That in itself can be a trigger that makes you eat more. Maybe consulting your nutrionist again?? That may help. If you'd like, start posting your menus with us. Not only can it help you be accountable, but it can also give you ideas of what others are doing. Make sure you keep us posted. You're not a failure...just going through a rough patch! April

You are not a failure or a loser. Be positive. Things can change. You have alot on your plate (no pun intended) Give yourself some credit. Look how good you are going to the gym. Sending hugs and hope things get better for you! Chris

Hugs Melissa, your not a failure. You've lost a lot of weight & can still lose more. I would suggest talking with a nutritionist & a counselor to help with your eating troubles and stress. I know that when I was stressed or depressed I didn't eat which can be just as dangerous. Please stop in more when you can & good to see you. Carly