Jen Jen - I Need Your Motherly Advicse (or any Mom's Advice!)

Okay...so my son is in Florida with my parents. I feel like a complete empty shell but that's another story... My parents are facing some challenges with my son so I am looking for suggestions... When my son grabs something that he is not supposed to have, we take it away from him. However, he has a full meltdown at that point...not because we take it away but because HE wants to put it back. Sometimes we let him. Sometimes he puts it back...sometimes he keeps hold of whatever it is he shouldn't have. What is the right thing to do in this situation? Just take it away and deal with the meltdown? Is there anything we can SAY to him to make this situation better? It is an every day/several times a day occurrence. Any suggestions would be appreciated! Hugs, Jersey

Hi there Jersey, My suggestion is to first give him the opportunity to put what ever it is back with a warning attached. For instance, .... I need you to please put that back, and it you do not you will have to sit in time out (or what ever it is that gets his attention ) Simple and to the point is the best. Then we deal with the melt downs. I have learned that it is easier to deal with the melt downs now while he is young, then to let it go on until he is older and then the real trouble begins...... Patience is the key...believe me... I know. My youngest was a hand full when he was younger, but now (at 9 yrs) he is only a half of a hand full. God bless! Cath

Jersey, I am not Jen-Jen but will give my two cents if that is ok? I think I would take it from him and put it back myself, for this reason: If he is not supposed to have it in the first place then allowing him to put it back gives him the right to touch it? I think I would listen to the melt down and eventually he will learn from it. I think it sends mixed signals if you allow him to do it. I also feel if you explain it to him eventually he will understand....Good luck... Hugs, Chris

I would make him put it back (unless it is something dangerous). In our house it would go like this ... You must immediately put ... mommy's drink, remote, sister bink, etc.., back... on the stand, in hermouth, by the TV, etc. If they did not move immediately (and I mean immediately) like within 3 seconds, I would take them by the hand and make them put it back. Depending upon the level of defiance, I may use a time out in addition to making them put it back. Also, we have a fit throwing/whining/crying/pouting/let's calm down spot. We have a small hall way from our entry way into the laundry room and downstairs bathroom, it is around the corner form the playroom. If they are having a fit I make them go in the hallway until they are composed. They are far enough away that they cannot see me but I can hear them so I know they are safe. They have to sit there until they are done with their issue. And I tell my kids that only adults ... use the remote, drink coffee, open the gate and so on, so they are learning when I say that is not for kids, they cannot have it/do it. Often they will counter with only adults right? Good luck, Gracie turns 3 in a few days and she is giving me a run for my money! If you have a chance I posted a link with her 3rd B-day pics, take a look at my cutie patootie. Well, they are asking to go out back and play so off to the yard I go.

Hey Jersey! I have to say all of these ladies gave great advice, BUT only you(or your parents) will know what is going to work best for your child. I have been working in daycare for 12 years and can tell you for certain that every child is different and how you handle a situation can be what's best or NOT what's best for your child. I do agree however that nipping it in the bud NOW is what's most important, they longer the problem continues, the worse it will get! Good luck sweetie! Karyn