Sorry
I just want to clarify that in no way was I running back to this board boo hooing expecting some great big hug and words of encouragement. I simply felt the need to express what my life has become.
As for the comment made by Karyn...hun, I don't remember not replying to your emails. I'm sure you wouldn't lie about it, I am sincerely sorry. It's not like me to not reply...I know for a while my OH was messed up and I wasn't getting any email notifications at all. I had emailed the moderator several times about it...that was around this time last year I think.
Anyway...yeah, the whole "you were an inspiration"...it was that that partially made me become this. It became overwhelming that people looked to "me" as a motivation. It made me feel like I had to constantly put forth 110% so I didn't let them down. I remember posting about that a few months back...that I had to leave the board for that reason. But it's in my social life as well. I now work at 3 gyms personal training and teaching classes 45+ hours a week. With that comes tons of yet more people that I motivate and inspire. It's very demanding.
No, I didn't have this surgery just to be skinny...that was said in a vent mode. I guess I was just unprepared for all this attention that would come with the "skinny" part.
As for my faith...that is something I would rather not discuss on the messageboard. Jen Jen...YOU...were one of the first people I thought of as I was lying in the crisis center...I could hear your voice in the back of my mind saying what you had said on the phone that day. I also remembered saying to you that I promised I would never do that...it was a mear thought but it would never become an action. I'm sorry I let you down. I'm sorry I let all of you down. My biggest fear with this surgery was that I would be a failure...at the time I thought that meant failing with the weight loss...I succeeded there, where I failed was at being a decent human being.
Dawn
I'm sorry too Dawn. I'm sorry I didn't respond to your first post but I needed some time to take it all in.
You say you regret having the surgery. Well, and I say this with much love and caring for you cause you know that I do, but that's a load of crap. You are blaming the surgery for your situation and that's not the reason you are in your situation.
You unfortunately have fallen pray to "addiction transference." This has happened to many who have WLS, most notably Carny Wilson who has recently admitted that she too is an alcoholic.
Many people who have WLS have addictive personalities and have used food for years to deal with issues and provide comfort. Once that source of comfort was removed they looked for other means to provide what food used to. It could be, as in your case, alcohol but others have turned to sex and gambling and even prescription and illegal drugs.
I am very glad to hear that you are seeing a therapist but concerned that you said that you continue to drin****il you pass out. I would recommend that you speak to your therapist about possibly going into an in-patient treatment program where you can "detox" as well as intensively work on the underlying issues that cause your addictive behaviors.
You know that I care about you Sweetie and it truly hurts to to read that your life is in such shambles. But to blame the surgery is a real cop-out. I hope that you will face the reality of the situation and do the hard work it will take to turn your life around. You owe it to yourself and your kids.
I'm pulling for you. And sending much love and many hugs,
Ronna
Hi Dawn,
I appreciate you apologizing but I feel like you shouldn't have to. Yes, you made mistakes, made some bad decisions but you are doing the right thing by seeking help. You are NOT the only one who has left the board and only return when you have an issue, question or problem. There are others who have done the exact same thing and nothing was said to them!! We should be here for eachother reguardless of our situations.. good and/or bad.
Your still my january sister and I have faith that you will get help and get back on track! Just becasue you made a lot of messed up choices doesn't make you less of a christian. There are christians making mistakes everday! It's their faith and belief that turns there life back around. People judge me Everyday because of my lifestyle so I refuse to sit here and judge you, question your faith of make you feel worse than you already do. I'm just going to hope from this point on that you make better decisions!
Love ya girl.. My prayers are with you,
Kay
Kay,
You are so right, I am one of them. But just so you know I log in everyday to read what is happening. I just can't post cause at work they have really cracked down on internet use. By the time I get home I am so tired I spend 2 hrs with my son and then go to sleep. What can I do but say you guys are always in my thoughts. I too have been going through alot since I have had my panniculectomy but don't feel like I should just return to the board and complain cause I too feel like a deserter.
~Norma~
This trip has not been an easy one for any of us. We have all had our ups and downs, some little and some big. We have handled them in good ways and bad ways. I will never fault a WLS sister or brother because they made a wrong decision, or even a million wrong decisions during this journey. I may well be the next one. After all this journey does not end until the day we die. I have already made more than one mistake on this trip through my new life. While the biggest reasons we had surgery was health reasons, I think we all have to admit that we were tired of being FAT, that for once in our lives we wanted to be skinny. As far as faith, we all fall short of the glory of God. That is where forgiveness and mercy and grace come to play. I for one will support Dawn and each of you no matter what you are going through no matter if it is something brought on by bad choices or just happened. We are a family. Let's all determine that we are going to be a strong healthy family and do our part to keep it strong and healthy.
Hazel 
Hazel,
I agree with you 100%!!! I have not always posted to everyones comments but I do get on here and read most of what is said. I don't always post a comment myself for lack of knowing what to say. I pop on once in a while to say i am still alive but that is about it. I believe as you do that we all make mistakes big or small or good or bad and I will stand behind each and everyone with support even if i dont speak it on here. I dont EXPECT anyone to say oh gee Steph I missed you so much, or where have you been cause I now that all of you have your own lives to lead as do I. I work at 4 in the morning and get home and chase kids and cook and clean like you all do, but I go to bed anywhere between 6 and 8 pm so I can start it all over, but the time I get on here I am just to tired to think of any kind of response to anyone. I do still read it all and I do learn from everyone. I also support everyone through their trials in my own silent way. Hazel, I am truly inspired by you, knowing personally what you have gone through, I have been there for you as I much as I can physically but spiritually I am always there with you!! Anytime anyone needs anything just email me, I do respond to those more than I respond here. Thanks all for letting me put in my 2 cents in. Love you Hazel, and Love you too Dawn!
Steph
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