CONFESSIONS OF A FOOD ADDICT

Hi Kim Thanks for the encouragement. I know I'm not alone and that alot of use are doing similar things. I just have to beat myself up a bit and get back on track. Next week will be my 18 month anniversary. And I guess I'm freaking out a bit as my Surgeon had said that the window to lose weight from the surgery was 18 months and here I am at 18 months feeling like I've wasted the last 6 goofing off and still have some weight to lose. I need to get back on "the program" and know that I will. You will too Sending hugs, Ronna

Ronna...been there...done that. I have to just reign myself in and do BTB or Plateau Busters every once in a while if I put on a few lbs. I always want to never put on more than 5-6 lbs., then make sure it's off. I try to limit carbs and sugar, but don't always. I rarely go hog wild or I'd be sick as a dog. I too, eat things my head tells me I want and then get nauseated, feel nasty, sweat, and then think "why did I eat that?". Hang in there. You may need to lay off carbs for a few days to de-carb yourself. Karla

You're right Karla! A de-carbing is definitely in order. You know that I didn't eat any bad carbs (only fruits and veges) for the first 9 months. Then I went "hog wild". I think the feeling of being deprived just did me in and I went nuts. I missed bread and crackers and pasta and rice. Luckily pasta and rice still don't sit well in the pouchy so I avoid them entirely but.....give me a basket of tortilla chips and a bowl of salsa and I am happy I think this "looking for a job" thing is just getting to me and I am reverting to old behaviors. that's why I think a shrink may help. I just am not being good to myself and I know all this is not good for me either. thanks for the kind words. Sending hugs, Ronna

Ronna....you are not alone!!! I also have these food demons sometimes. Some days I'll do really good, and other days I'm horrible! I don't understand what's going on. My worst times are when I'm at work. I just eat, eat, eat, and did I mention eat? I'll snack on saltines and grahams. I used to be sooooo good at work, and now I can really get outta control. One thing that has worked for me when I do it is I pack some grapes. Whenever I get the urge to eat carbs (my enemy), I pop a few grapes here and there. In my opinion, there's no problem eating what you want for a day or two, but sometimes for me it's every day. I've been pretty down about this lately. I just feel like I have no willpower anymore. I'm sitting here trying to rid these 10 lbs. for vacation and I haven't weighed myself yet. I think I'll be disappointed when I actually do step on it. The good thing is that I have been working out pretty regularly, but that should not be used as a substitute for my poor eating habits. If you find out how to fight our food demons....please share! Just know that you aren't alone. April

Thanks April! Why are we so rotten to ourselves? I guess if we knew this we would never have had to struggle with our weight in the first place. But we will soldier on and get through this rough patch too. thanks so much for your words of encouragement. It does help to know you're out there. Sending hugs, Ronna

Ronna, my love...I am RIGHT there with you! I have been eating like total crap and FEELING like total crap so why, oh why, do I do it!?! And the kicker is that I CAN'T vomit! I have tried numerous times to vomit when I ate something that made me nauseous (or I ate too much). However, nothing EVER comes up. I am physiologically unable to vomit...which bites. I did wonderful on the B2B last week...got back to 163. Today I am 167 AGAIN. It is a vicious cycle. And the thing is...I eat until I hurt EVERY DAY! What the hell is wrong with me?!!? Anyhow, sister...I understand what you are going through. If therapy helped you before, maybe you should go for it again. I wi**** worked for me! We WILL get through this together...let's do the B2B on Monday! Love you! Jersey

Oh Sweetie, Thanks so much. I can't tell you how much it helps to know you are out there, struggling too and also rooting me on. We WILL get through this. For me I know it's just a stress issue right now. I am so stressed over this job search. I really need to find something and fast as the "bucks" are starting to get a bit thin. SSD doesn't pay very well and my savings that I have been dipping into to cover the shortfall for the past 4 years is running out I don't know if I can do a B2B again. It makes me feel so deprived and then I just go bonkers But I need to do a better job of planning my meals, going back to fitday.com and logging what I eat (I haven't done that in months) to make me be more accountable to myself. And most of all, I need to start cooking for myself and not just doing the "grab and go." I hate but I've been doing it anyway. I need to figure out why I am punishing myself, cause that is exactly what I seem to be doing. And if I can't figure this out and make some positive changes and soon, then I need to go back into therapy. But, as you know, finding a good therapist that you click with is not easy. The one I had before that was just awesome retired so that's not an option. Anyway, It's wonderful to know that you're out there and in my corner. Please know that I'm always here for you too my "Not so Secret Pal". Sending lots of hugs, Ronna

right on sisters!!! That's me too!!! I can eat anything and everything... I still bounce 10 lbs. Always have... from 138-148ish. I get horrible horrible bloating too and I'm not sure why... probably cuz it's sh*tty food???? Anyways, it's reassuring in a way to hear others are dealing with this... sometimes I care... sometimes I really don't! Renee

I feel HUNGER and fullness....My stomach actually gets to the point it hurts if I do not eat and then it hurts if I do. I wish I had the answers too. Hugs, Chris

I read all the posts and and am having the same issues. Eating the wrong foods even though I am never really that hungry. I know after 18 months it's up to us to maintain this "tool" and knowing I still have that really helps me keep the faith. I think cutting the carbs is an excellent idea and probably will help our craving for food. Sugar is still hard for me-- pouch doesn't like it, and even salad at times doesn't stay long. So it's the carbs I turn to- popcorn and pretzals, bagels and pasta. We all know what we need to do-- and practice that moderation. We are indeed addicts- but having all of you here really helps. thanks for letting me ramble. cj