CONFESSIONS OF A FOOD ADDICT

Yes that's me. Food Addict coming clean. I guess it took awhile to really understand what was going on here. The problem I think is that ever since surgery I have never experienced hunger. That's right, no hunger pangs at all. Before surgery, I was instructed by the nutritionist to eat when I'm hungry and to stop when I'm not hungry anymore. Well that sounded all well and good but I am never hungry. And not eating is not an option for me as I have to watch my blood-sugar levels as I take insulin shots daily. So for me it seems to be an issue of appetite versus hunger. Even though I am never hungry, boy do I have an appetite. I can eat and eat and eat, even after WLS. And I don't want to stop when I don't feel hungry anymore; heck I'm not hungry to begin with. I want to eat until I feel full. The problem with eating until I feel full, besides getting just too many calories is ........I then feel just awful and usually vomit. But still this is what I do time and time again. I just keep the wastebasket nearby, just in case. As an example, last night I had a very nice dinner, about 3 oz of grilled chicken breast and ½ cup of steamed broccoli. I wasn't at all hungry when I started dinner and especially not when I finished. But I wanted more. So I proceeded to eat about 4 cups of watermelon (a whole bowl full). It's full of water and went down really easy. Boy was I full when I was done and sure enough......I lost my dinner. Why do I do this to myself time after time? That is the question. Now it's not a daily occurrence but does happen at least twice a week. It never happens when I am dining with others just when I am on my own. Maybe that's the issue, I really don't know. I only know that I want to feel full and keep eating until I can't anymore. Maybe I need to take my own advice and start seeing a therapist again? I need to do something. I am eating too much and I know that I will never loose these last 20 pounds until I get control of this. Are any of you doing this or something similar? Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Ronna, You are NOT alone! I have been doing a terrible job of eating. I'm making terrible choices in food. I eat continuously. My husband keeps saying I'm eating more now then I did before surgery. Bad part is I'm eating the same bad foods and haven't been exercising either. I can eat anything sugars ..non sugars...any foods. I never really feel hungry...I do stop when my stomach starts to hurt ! I guess that's something..but I never throw up or dump. 143lbs was my lowest weight so far..and today I weighed 148lb... It makes me sick to think I could gain it back after what we went through. I have an appt. with my surgeon on Thursday for my 18month checkup. I'm going to tell him that I can eat like I always did. Maybe not as much at one time..but definately eating more than I should! Don't get to discouraged Ronna I know we can get ourselves back on track! HUGS, Anna

thanks Anna Boy does it help to know that you're out there. I guess I'm just going through a rough patch lately and falling into old bad habits to get me through. And it's not working. I know I'll get through this. I just need to be kinder to myself I guess. Thanks for the encouragement Sending hugs, Ronna

Amen, sister, Amen!!! Teresa

Thanks Teresa I miss you - where have you been hiding?

Hi... I feel your pain, I do the same DUMB things. I eat the wrong stuff, I eat when I am not hungry and I stuff myself until I fell just HORRIBLE! The problem with me is that I DONT get sick... ever. I feel nausiated, pain and I feel lathargic after stuffing myself simple, but I dont get physically sick. I want to change. I want to loose more and stay on track for life, but I fell like I am slipping into a big dark hole that is called food addiction. You are not alone... we can do this together. Cathy

thanks Cathy It's good to know that I'm not alone. Thanks for the encouragement. Sending hugs, Ronna

My confession ..... TUESDAY .... SONIC DRIVE-IN 2 cheesesticks 1/3 banana split 1/3 chili cheese tater tots ............ WEDNESDAY 1/3 Italian Sub with extra mayo .............hello you beautiful white goddess .... on both days .......... I know if I eat too much crap I puke - especially with being pregnant ... somehow my mind wins over the body. No words of wisdom - just tons of love sent to you! God Bless! Jen

But Jen, You've got a great excuse! At least for a little while longer Thanks though for the love - it's appreciated Ronna

Hi, Ronna. I'm positive that you don't remember me....we talked before I had WLS which was a year and half ago and I post every once in a while. You were an inspiration to me though and still are. I read, just don't post very often. But I am completely in understanding of your post. I, too, make bad food choices. I don't really eat to the point of vomiting...I think I've vomited three times since having surgery and it's basically because what I ate just didn't sit well with me at the time. I, too, as someone else said, can eat sugary type things, etc. and it doesn't affect me at all unless I eat too much of it. I want to go back to the basics and am going to look through my things (we recently moved) and find my WLS "manual" that was given to me prior to surgery. I think that I need a refresher course, some good old fashioned will power (but if we had that I guess we wouldn't have been over weight to begin with...smiles!) and just trust in myself. I need to lose the 5 pounds that I gain/lose at times and then I'd like to lose another 10 pounds, just so know I can and be a bit more fit. I started at 282.5, went to 176 and am at 181 now. I do NOT want to weigh over 179 and really would like to get to the 160s because I haven't done that yet. I can definately see how people can put the weight back on and am proof that this is a TOOL not something that just does it for you with no maintenance. But I'm with ya...making bad choices, eating things that I know I shouldn't eat. I am thinking of counseling as well for various reasons. Kim P.