OT - To all the Moms...HELP!

Good morning, Everyone! I need help! You all know about my son...Jersey Kid...light of my life, blah blah... Now, I understand that he is only 2½....but he has become SUCH A BRAT! I mean it...he is a full-on brat! He can be so sweet and loving...but he does not listen to us...ever...and he is so headstrong that it drives me crazy. He has now taken to screaming his head off in public if he does not get his way. And when I say scream, I mean B-movie horror flick scream. It is royally embarrassing! Got any tips for me on parenting? Apparently we are SUCKING at it because we are completely losing control of our son! I NEED NANNY 911!! Still wildly in love with my son, even though he is a brat, Jersey

Robin, You have my sympathy. Believe me the looks you are getting from other parents isn't judgemental, it's understanding. All parents have BT-DT at some point. Tought love works wonders in these situations. As long as he isn't a danger to himself or others, let him scream. Put him in his room as soon as you can get home and keep repeating that you can't hear him when he screams. When he quiets down, then go in and talk to him. I've taken my kids out of movies, theme parks, malls, even birthday parties because of their behavoir. They learned very young that I wasn't tolerating any crap from them especially in public. And yes to my daughter's friends I'm known as the toughest mom on the block. I wear that hat with pride. RobinNJ, mom of a teen and a pre-teen.

Hey Robin: Thanks so much! I know I have to be tougher with him...we will start trying to take control of the situation...tonight! Hugs, Jersey

I hate to tell you this, but it doesn't get any better. Just when you think they are turning into sweet little people, WAM, they act foolish. My 6 and 10 year old boys spent the better part of yesterday evening in their rooms. I had fixed supper, after working all day and they decide they want to go get pizza withth eneighbor kids. I told them no, we would go another night, that I had supper ready and BAM, you would have thought I had beat them. The fit throwing was unbelievable!!!!! My husband and I were asking ourselves where we went wrong, do they think the world revolves around them????? Hang in there, they have their moments but they are still my baby boys!! Wendy

Jersey Mom, This is said with all of my love and care so read it that way please. Remember, you are the parent and you have the control the child does not. Do not allow him to act like a brat. Period, end of story. They learn what you teach them and will do everything you allow them to do and a little bit more. I am strict and firm and do not believe in only being their friend - I am the mom, I am the boss, what I says goes and that is how it is. Yes, I want my kids to like and love me but more importantly, I want them to grow to be respectful and well-behaved. I am by no means an authority but can tell you when I am in public with the 4 kids, I get tons of compliments on how well behaved they are. They act great 75% of the time. If we are in public and one of the kids act up, they are taken to the car until they can control themselves. At home the same standard applies, throw a fit and go to time out, to your crib/bed or into the office (this room has glass french doors - so we can see them but don't have to be subjected to the verbal tirade) or into the dining room (we have multiple spots because if all the kids act up at the same time - then they all go to "relax") I also take things away when they are not listening. For example, Miss Gracie is potty training, she likes to go potty and leave her underwear off and run into the playroom with a naked bottom. I tried time outs to correct this and it did not work. When she goes potty, she gets three stickers to put on a chart (1 - potty, 2 - wipe, 3 - wash hands) when the chart is full, we take it to the store and she uses her chart to buy a special treat. Well, as cute as here hiney is, I was at my wits end as to how to get her to put her pants back on. I started taking stickers off her chart and making her throw them in the trashcan and told her she would have to re-earn the stickers before she could get a special treat. And sometimes, I am just plain mean. Last week, I was in the potty, the kids were in the playroom and I had been doing paperwork at the kitchen table (the back half of our house is basically one room - kitchen, bfast nook and playroom) and left a pen on the table. Well, Miss Grace got the pen and drew circles and scribbles all over our sofa and loveseat (they are leather and butter colored) This was the 3rd time she had colored on something besides paper. I took her favorite doll and a sharpie marker and proceeded to color it as she did the couch. This was much more effective than a time out. She then felt how it was to gave something ruined. She was sooooo upset but it got through to her. Yesterday, she said "mommy, I only color on paper, right?" My sister took Gracie to CVS yesterday, there was a boy around 5 there acting like a maniac, Gracie looked at her aunt and said "me no act like that at my house." She is 33 months and recognizes bad behavior and how one should not act. There is a good book that is highly regarded in Christian parenting circles - The strong Willed Child by Dr James Dobson. I bought it but did not read it yet. He has another book called Bringing Up Boys. I am not sure what the focus is in that book but it may be worth looking into. Do you spank? With the foster kiddos we are not allowed to spank so we have to use other methods. Personally, I see nothing wrong with a swat on the butt. Due to our cir****tances though this is a punishment that is off limits for us. Maybe you could try giving him one firm swat on a bare bottom - not when you are angry though. Give "the brat" a kiss from me and tell him I said to behave! One more thing, I have read that if you do not have discipline under control by age 3, it is pretty much hopeless after that. So now is the time to reign him in.

Jen: I was rather looking forward to your response to this. To me, you are pretty much Mom of the Century so I really value your opinion on this (well, I value EVERYONE'S opinion but you know what I mean)... I fully understand that Jersey Kid's lack of control is 100% our problem. Don't yell at me but we do not even make him sit at the dinner table. And he never sits in a stroller. I am full of excuses but I think because he was sick for so long, we were far to lax with him. I KNOW this is 100% our fault. No..we do not spank. I am not against it completely but my husband hit my son once and he (my husband) will never get over it. It scarred him. I am surprised because I thought my husband would be very strict. I know we need to have him sit at the table and eat...and sit in a stroller and a shopping cart but HOW do I do that now? Is it too late? When he is really bad we do put him in his crib but we get him pretty quickly. How long is an acceptible amount of time to leave him there? My kid is already bright enough (and manipulative enough) to use the "sorry" card. He does something wrong and says "I am sorry" immediately...so it is kind of a worthless gesture. Also...he does not play with toys...he plays with vacuum cleaners and my make-up and stuff like that. I don't know what to let him play with or not! Thank you for the book recommendations! I am struggling BIG TIME with my faith but I do know that Dr. Dobson is a very gifted writer. I will order those books from my library ASAP. Do you think 2½ is too young for a sticker chart? If not, I will start one right away! I WILL TRY ANYTHING!! Thanks again, Jen!! Hugs, Jersey

I have a lot more to say now .... I told hubby I would help put the kids to bed and then take care of him a bit. I will reply later tonight or tomorrow but I do have some ideas and suggestions for you. God Bless! Jen

I am sorry for writing the novel .. but have more to add. If I am going by myself with all the kids somewhere and I have to complete the errand. Sometimes, I bribe them. I always try to have dum-dum lolipops im my purse and diaper bags. I tell them on the way in if they are good, when we are almost ready to leave they will get a lolipop. This is not every time and is not a habit - but just one of my tricks that helps maintain order when I venture out alone with all the kids and HAVE to get it done. Another things I always carry is multiple portable size magna doodles. Target sells ones by the check-outs that are about 5 buck and fit nicely into a purse or diaper bag.

Jersey, Coming from a Mom of a child who was sick as a baby.... Johnny was always sick and when he was 2 months old he was hospitalized for two full weeks with failure to thrive and then when he was 2 he had pnuemonia 18 times and the list goes on. My husband did not want to dicipline him and was very leinent (spelling) I was always the mean one so....today at 15 we are dealing (he is a good kid but needs guidance) with not being consistant with the dicipline and now I wish we could do it over. Say what you mean and mean what you say. I do not think it is too late for you but you and hubby must stay strong and you will wear HIM down. Be consistant and back each other up. I wish you luck. I think my son is too old for nanny 911. Hugs, Chris

Hi there Jersey, I have total sympathy for you. I had one of those brats.... my youngest, who is now nearly 9 years old was born with an attitude! He was colicy and cried for 3 months non stop. And has been easily agitated (type A personality) ever sense. When he was about your son's age, he would pull the same crap on me...screaming at the top of his little lungs. I am surprised that no one ever called child social services on me during that time. One time when he was about 3, he was screaming in the cart at K Mart and I decided to just ignore him and continue to shop. I bent down to pick a box of hair color off of the bottom shelf and when I raised back up he suckered punched me in the eye...HARD!!! (So hard in fact that I saw stars and ended up with a black eye!) I kind of blacked out for a second and slapped his little face, which made him scream even harder!!! I picked him out of the cart, left the store (with people staring at us) and got in my car and drove home crying. My older son, (who is 3 years older and at the time was 6) my self and my youngest cried the whole way home. I dont know what to tell you, except for that it will get easier with age. Be persistant, if you say NO...stick with it. If you give a punishment, stick with it. Even if you are tired, beat and feel like you are loosing the battle with him, hang in there... you are the adult and you have the final say. I always say that if my youngest was born first he would have been an only child... He is still type A personality. He still has a temper. He still tries to push my buttons and tries to get his way, (and sometimes does...) but for the most part, he is a really good boy. My little man, growing up so fast. And it does get easier.... with time. Gotta love them little guys.... Cath