Back on track?? Hopefully...

Okay, I have been hiding this for the past few weeks, but I think the only way to get over it and on with it is to come clean. I have been totally off the wagon for more than a month. It all started when we went on a dream vacation. While away I got off schedule for vitamins/minerals, etc. and have not gotten back on track. In addition, since we returned (although not while we were gone) I have been so bad with my eating habits. I don't know what to do... I eat all the time (although small amounts) and they are not always the best choices (can you say Easter candy?) I came clean to my husband the other day because I had to tell someone instead of hiding in the closet. And today I have meant business: Cream of Wheat for breakfast (with 1 TBSP procel powder). Lunch was some left over chicken and spinach from last night. And about 40 oz. H2O so far. I will admit it, because I have to, but I did have 3 cookies also. That is the part I have to change. And, I went into the gym today for the first time in a while also. And I am getting a personal trainer. But basically, i am fearful of myself and scared of what I may have done to my pouch -- did it stretch? I need help. Can anyone help me feel better and not so much like an out of control loser. And not the good kind of loser. Maybe other people have had this problem and advice on getting back on track? Just tell me, have I ruined my surgery? That is my biggest fear. Aargh... Emily

Emily...of course you haven't ruined surgery! At least you know you have a problem that you wanna change. Feel free to post anytime, about anything. It seems like you got back on track today...Step 1. Sometimes, we have to allow ourselves little indulgences here and there so that we don't overdo it later on. I've gone back to basics and I've had some cookies here, chips there, a piece of candy or two. The thing is that I have what I want and then I'm over it. You're doing fine. Maybe start posting your menus with us may help. Give it a try. April

Hey Emily: Welcome! Let me tell you...I am in the same boat. I think a lot of us are, actually. I think many of us are at the point where we CAN eat more so we do. I have been eating horribly lately and I have no idea why I am doing it. I need to get back on track, too, so let's do it together! This board is the best place in the world for finding support! It is the best group of people I have ever known. We CAN do this! I hope to see you post more often. I have to do that, myself. When I post regularly, I am much better with my choices. I dunno why...maybe it is because I know everyone is rooting for me. Just like I am rooting for you! Love and hugs, Jersey

I'm so glad that you are back in the boards, it is where you need to be... it is the best place to regain your focus! I have started BTB last week, too... because I was "off the wagon" and not really watching what I was doing. I worry everyday that I have stretched my pouch and abused my surgery. I get teary when I think about all I've been through, and that this surgery was the last straw, and most drastic step, and I even screwed that up. Isn't it amazing how many ways we find to mentally abuse ourselves? But I found that when I am eating the right things, and I refocus my diet... I am not "super hungry" and I can "live" on my little portions, and be just fine... so my pouch must still be there and in working order. You are doing the right thing... by not hiding in the closet and by admitting to what you've been doing... it sounds little to some of us, but I know it is huge to you. Secrets always are, even if it is just a little bit here and a little bit there... it means a lot to you, because you couldn't or didn't stop yourself... and obviously you wanted to, because you want this surgery to be a success. And I think it is fantastic that you're going back to the gym... it is a hard place to be... I know... I'm there, too. But I love it. I love that I am making time for ME! I love that I am stronger. I love that I can get through an hour of weights or an hour of kickboxing and live to tell about it. You will too... spend time with the trainer, find what you like to do and do it until you can't do any more... you will probably hurt... but it feels great! (((biggest hugs))) Emily... keep coming in here... there are always new faces (people who've reappeared), and I've found that sometimes I get more out of giving encouragement than getting it... I really enjoy cheering my January Sisters on... especially the ones who are low... because I know how it feels... and will probably be there again... but for today... I'm good. Life is good. So put on that beautiful smile... focus on taking your life back into control... you can do this... ! Love you lots, Angela

You are in the best place you can be by coming on the boards....we can not do it without the support we find here. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY TORI