Enough BS and games...it's time to get back into gear!!
Let's call this my confessional of sorts:
First and foremost...all the people here that name called and fingerpointed at me this time last year were 110% RIGHT! They saw tendancies and behaviors that I didn't.
Ok...here's my deal. This surgery physically altered my eating, but not mentally. In the beginning I truly feared what would happen if I ate something high fat or high sugar. I was terrified of what would happen if my serving size was larger or if I ate bread/pasta. That kept me in line. The fear of the unknown. What happened though was the fear was replaced with curosity. In time I gave in to each temptation...each time pushing the limits further and further. My current fear now....I stretched my pouch. I can easily eat a sandwich with two slices of meat, one slice of cheese, and two regular pieces of bread. Ok, ok...2 years ago I could have downed 3 or more at a time...but even still...a WHOLE sandwich is scary.
I want so badly to have the will power I used to. I now work in THREE gyms as a personal trainer and group exercise instructor. People look to me as a motivator. I feel like such a hypocrite...if they only knew that I can't even practice what I preach.
So that's what's brings me back "home" to OH...you guys have known me through each step in my journey...it's time that I have a place that can hold me accountable for my actions. I REFUSE to be a member of the board for failed surgery...second time around! I'm on my way there people......I am 12 pounds higher than what I weighed on my one year surgiversary!!
Starting tomorrow I will post my menu on Angela's b2b group 2 thread. If I don't...CALL ME OUT ON IT!! Please....PLEASE....hold me accountable for my actions!!
**muah**
Dawn
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It's good to see you back. We all knew the time would come when we would not have the same measure of inability to eat that we had at first. Putting on a few pounds back on at one point or another is not uncommon. The failure comes only if we just let them keep adding up and not doing anything about it. I don't see anyone on this board that is a failure. We need to keep contact with each other and help everyone stay accountable. I don't know about anyone else, but I don't have any support system except for this board, and I need the support of others that have faced the same things that I have. I refuse to give up my 2's and 4's. I'll hold you accountable if you will do the same for me. Don't stray away again, we really did miss you.
Hazel
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Girl....I honestly think everyone's in the same boat. You are NOT alone. I mean, over time we're all gonna be able to eat more "normal". A whole sandwich is very normal. It's when we eat 1 sandwich every 2 hours, along with cake, some cookies...3 times a day..THAT we may worry ourselves a little bit. I just want to stay with "normal" portions, not my WLS portions I was eating 9 months ago. That damn carb monster is a *******! I'm desperately trying to control him
. For me..I splurge 1 day a week. Lately it's been every damn day! Carb monster
! Just make sure you post with us, so we can continue to support you and you can support us. Good to have you back!
April
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Thanks April!
How are you hun? Last I remember you had suffered the loss of a loved one and were in a lot of emotional pain.
I guess your right about normal portions....I just don't know what that is...it's been either one of two extremes for so long that I'm not sure what that happy medium is.
ARG!!
Dawn
Thanks for asking. I've been doing alright. I could always be doing better, but I've realized that life has to go on even though it royally sucks. I think that's why my eating has been outta control...I have an "I don't care" attitude, which I really need to change!! I just need to get back on track for real this time! You doing soooo good with your personal training and group exercise! I wish I could do something like that...I'm too scared
!
April
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Hey Dawn, glad to see you back. Just some encouragement. It is normal to gain back about 10lbs from your lowest, most everyone will or has done this, so you are ok at that right now, it is part of learning how to maintain. Now, as to how much you eat. Remember when we use to diet before and suddenly smaller amounts made us full because our stomach shrank? I bet it is possible with this too. So go back to basics, mainly measuring your food. I have learned to never put more on my plate than I should eat. For me, I feel yucky if I eat more, but I do eat it.
Are you using fitday.com? Even if you eat more, doesn't mean you have to eat the calories, so try working with that too. We are going to get back to somewhat normal as time goes on. Dame Tooter has section on her web page about how she eats as much now as she did before the surgery. I have never read it, but it might be something to take a look at. I know I will be soon enough. www.bariatricbytes.com Anyway, good luck with it and glad to see you back.