LONG - Change in Plan & Cultural Differences

Hey Everyone! I had posted a controversial topic a couple of weeks ago so I thought I would post another one today...in my effort to keep our board alive! First of all, though, let me give you an update. My husband and son went to Florida on Wednesday. While I was waiting for their plane to land, I was a nervous wreck. I was nervous about them flying...nervous about how my son would react to my parents and how he would react to a different environment, climate, etc. Well, let me tell you...when my Mom called me an hour after they got home, all my fears were put to rest. You should have HEARD my son! My Mom was on the phone inside and my son was outside but I could still hear his laughter! He was running around the first step of their pool (it is not really a step...more like a big wading area) and he was splashing and squealing with joy. Talk about a weight being lifted from me! I could hear my Dad ask my son if he wanted to go under the water and my son screamed, "YEAH!" Then my Dad said, "Okay...then we have to put ear plugs in! Let me digress...I am sure you know that, once a child has tubes put in his ears, they cannot ge****er in them. My son is VERY difficult about putting anything on/in him (sunscreen, ear drops, eye drops). I mean...anytime I have to put that stuff on/in him, I have to use my whole 5'10" body to hold him down. He is one tough cookie. Since the surgery, my husband and I both give him a bath...and my husband cups his ears while I wash his hair. My son freaks when we do this...every time. So I did not have high hopes for the ear plugs and the head band to hold them in. Well! When my son said he wanted to go under the water (which is really brave of him, anyway!) my Dad said, "Only if we put the plugs in your ears." I was expecting WWIII. But, wouldn't you know, my son bend his head for my husband to insert the plugs and let him put the head band on! No problems! WHOO HOO!! So that is amazing...a ray of light in my otherwise cloudy day. That same night I got my haircut. I am still pretty happy with the hair. Admittedly, I have not washed it yet (!) so I have no idea if I can do it, myself, but those are my big plans for when I get home. So two of my issues...worrying about my son and stressing over my lousy hair...are better! And then the other shoe falls. And here is the controversy. As you know, my Mother-in-Law (MIL) is coming to stay so that we can keep my son out of daycare. I am okay with that. She does not speak much English but that is okay...I love her dearly...she has more energy than I could hope to ever have. She takes great care of my son (she was here last year) and she is the best cook I have ever known (I NEVER thought I would enjoy Indian food but I LOVE it now!). She will, no doubt, make my life MUCH easier while she is here. At first my husband wanted to bring her here for 9 months! I told him no. That is too long. For us and, mostly, for her. She will be here without her family (aside from us) and friends. That is not fair to her. So, instead, she will be here from May to September. I was okay with that. And my husband's father (FIL) was going to come in July to September. And here's the rub. It is not that I hate my FIL..I really do not. But it is his culture to sit on his ass and do nothing all day while my MIL waits on him hand and foot. And I cannot help it, it REALLY ****** me off. When they were here last summer, there were days when I had to leave the room because I was so pissed. Again, let me stress that I know it is their way of life but I cannot let it go! AND...let me tell you what happened last year. My MIL wanted to take a shower (I was in the back yard hanging out laundry). My MIL asked my FIL to watch my son for 10 minutes while she went for a shower. Well, I came into the room and my son had OPENED A BOTTLE OF MY BIOTIN and was playing with the pills. MY FREAKING FIL WAS ASLEEP ON THE DAMNED COUCH. I was livid. My husband just brushed it off but I am sure if MY parents did something so irresponsible, I would have heard about it. If my parents HAD done that, I would have reamed them. But my husband said NOTHING to him. His falling asleep could have been FATAL to my son (not sure Biotin would be but that is irrelevant...it could have been my Wellbutrin or Levoxyl) if my son starting eating the pills. My FIL's daily schedule is...get up in the morning, get fed breakfast by my MIL, take a nap. Get up, get fed lunch by my MIL, take a nap. Get up, watch TV, get fed dinner by my MIL, go for a walk and then go to bed. I KID YOU NOT. That is how USELESS he is. Now I know it is not right to call another human being useless...I really know. But I have not gotten over the whole falling asleep and Denver potentially ODing nightmare. Bottom line is...I was not happy he was coming for two months but I was dealing with it by thinking, "Okay...my two favorite months will be a wash this year...just like last year when he was here...but it is only two months." HOWEVER, his FIL has been having heart issues. Why, do you ask? Because he has diabetes yet he eats crap all the time and drinks like a fish. So it is making his heart weaker. So to keep him from temptation, guess what the new schedule is? He is coming with my MIL in May and staying for the duration. GOD HELP ME! Thanks for letting me vent. At least while I am venting my son is happy and my hair is sassy! Love and hugs, Jersey

Hugs Jersey Mom I totally agree with you about the FIL issue. That culture bugs me that the women do all the work & the men sit on their A**'s all day. I know it is the culture but it still is aggravating. Hang in there, so glad to here your son is happy & doing well. Carly

Thanks so much, Carly! My husband just sent me a camera-phone message with a picture of my son! He is apparently running around naked...eating a chocolate bar! No more worries there! Yay! Love and hugs, Jersey Mom

I agree with you on the FIL issue and I feel for you having to deal with it for 5 months!! Maybe you and your husband can use the 5 months for some quality time together...maybe get a hotel room for a couple weekends...I'm sure your MIL would take wonderful care of your son during that time. I'm glad your son is doing well in FL and I love your new look Hugs, Anna

Here is the kicker...when my MIL and FIL are there, I spend LESS quality time with my husband. They are alone (granted, with my son) all day so he feels guilty (somewhat understandable) ever leaving them! So they come EVERYWHERE with us! As a matter of fact, if my MIL stayed 9 months, my husband said she would have had to come on our upcoming (Sept.) cruise with us!! Our marriage is going to take an even bigger hit with them there. I will try to be strong, though! Thanks, Anna!! Love and hugs, Jersey

Aside from your FIL, you sound soooo much lighter than the other day. See...things can only get better! Thank goodness your fears about your son being away have been allayed(sp), and it's so good to hear that he's doing so well. Guaranteed I would have been livid if my child got into something so dangerous when a capable adult was around. His being lazy is, unfortunately, his culture. We may not agree with it, but it's thier culture. I'm sure foreigners can't stand most aspects of our culture that we see as everyday normal life. Hopefully his time in your house will go by fast. Make the most of it, honey! April

Hey April! I do feel better than I did the night I posted my misery...thanks! I am so happy that my son is happy. That is 90% of it, you know? I am still ROYALLY stressed at work but, hey, it's Friday! You know...I do agree with you for the most part. I am sure people from other cultures may not agree with ours. But, I'll tell you...when I was in India, I tried to acclimate to their culture...I felt like a performing monkey, actually. You would think maybe my FIL would see all that my husband does and maybe get off his ass just ONCE to lend a hand. But, nooo. That is the part that bugs me. Ah well...there's always next summer!! Hugs, Jersey

Glad things are going better ....sorry about the FIL thing maybe you can use his time here to ease him into some more constructive habits for his health and well being and your MIL's............... I have a friend who went to India as a misionary and married an Indian man, Syam is wonderful and they have built a great church and childrens home together, his family is difficult but he is the greatest guy and is not the least bit lazy or chauvanist, I guess it depends on there age maybe ? HAVE A GREAT DAY TORI

You do sound better and I bet you love your new hair-do. I'm glad your son is happy now. I understand how you feel about living w/ in-laws. I would go beserk. Hope it goes okay for you. Karla