Absolutely Miserable - Long

Jersey Mom, Thanks for sharing your plight with us. We are always here for you, you know that. I, too, am having marriage issues. Your husband and mine sound very alike - it feels like we are just roommates at this point. I agree that you should do something for yourself - you are a beautiful woman and know that we are always here for you. Have a great day! Rhonda

Jersey, OK I thought about this last night and prayed for you. I am not sure what I can say I read through what everyone else said and I am not what I can say that hasn't already been said. I am so sorry about your son, I do know it takes time for these things to heal and start working like they should so maybe its to soon to tell ? If you are comfortable with your parents your son will be fine and maybe it will be good for you and your husband to have some alone time. I don't mean to generalize but men deal with things in different ways, your husband is feeling the stress of your sons illness and surgery and then the scare of almost loosing his wonderful wife coupled with a few financial wo's. Then you are dealing with your son, your surgery and scare, your feelings of guilt because you have to work and you are still recovering from a major life changing event in your wls surgery. On the mother-in-law thing this is a wonderful blessing in that your son won't have to go to daycare right ? and who knows you may become great friends with her and you will be on the ground floor with her teaching her english etc. About the hair I have never heard my hair described better, now if I could just be brave like some of the others and chop it off I am sure I would be better off it seems like the new hair coming in isn't so damaged. It is just hard for me because my hair has always been what I thought as my best feature. So maybe just a new style will help ? If you do it I will ...... TRY TO HAVE A GREAT DAY, I KNOW IT'S HARD

Hey Jersey, It's been so long since I posted here so I wanted to come and check in and say hi, and am so sorry to come across your post telling of what a hard time you are having. From when I posted here more frequently, all I can say is you have always been a loving, supporting, inspirational addition to this board and you deserve only wonderful things in your life. I am so sorry to hear that this time is not going well. I don't really have any advice to offer other than to say don't give up. Whenever I've gone through particularly rough patches in my life, I end up coming out the other side of them having learned something about myself and, usually, in a better spot. I am particularly sorry to hear about your son's medical problems...that is something that I am sure tears you apart. My very best wishes that it...and everything else...gets better. Hugs, Beth

Hey Jersey Mom, First of all from what I know about you, you are a loving and wonderful mom! I think that what you are doing with sending your son to Florida is going to be fine although I know you will miss your son, it will give you a chance to work on your situation with your hubby and your son will hopefully feel alot better. You certainly have had your share of trials and tribulations lately and my heart goes out to you. The best thing you can do for yourself (I know, easier said than done) is to try and hang on to whatever joy you have throughout the day and focus on that and be sure you are taking care of yourself with even a few minutes of personal time each day whether it be reading, exercising, destressing in any way. I know this will all work out in the end it's just happening all at once and everyone gets to their breaking point so it's no wonder you feel the way you do! Know that I will be thinking of you and hoping things will work out for the best for your son's health, your marriage, the job situation will eventually change, etc. Hugs, Karen S.

Jersey, I am sorry you are struggling and I hope things turn out for you. I remember a post you made several months ago about going on vacation with your husband and how you didn't really want to go but when you got back you said it did you both good. You said then that it brought you closer so perhaps this time without your son will also bring you closer? Every marriage has its trials and it does make us stronger and better for it. Finacial stress is never good for a marriage and add that to the child having health problems would drive a wedge in any marriage. I know your son will get better! There is nothing worse than having a sick child. My son had pnuemonia 18 times as a youngster but he finally out grew it and is healthy and happy. I do not want to offend you but do you think you could be depressed from all the stress? If so speak to your doctor and perhaps he can help you out with some short term medication or something. They do say people become depressed after this surgery? I think you are an awesome person and if I had to choose ONE person to meet from this board it would be you! I am sure everyone feels the same way. NO matter what you are going through, you always have time for us! I love that about you but I want you to know I would/will always be there for you too.... While your mother in law is at your house just try and be positive. In the end your husband will love you more for it...after all she gave birth to the father of your son so it can't be that bad right?(easy for me to say I know) please know you can email me or pm me or call me if you ever need to. I am only about 6 hours from you so perhaps we can meet up? I am sending you a big hug and trying to remove your stress! Love, Chris

J----do take care---- I'm so sorry things are the sh**ts right now! Also, I know you were venting and didn't ask for advice...BUT....I can't help myself, I'm one of those insufferable types who gives unsolicited advice!!!!! It's a flaw in my personality.... I say: 1st: Take care of your hair---it's the easiest and you will feel better right away. My hair was just so broke-down-ghetto-looking in the past few weeks that I did a big salon cut & color splurge and now I'm foxyloxy once again!!!! Totally worth it--- 2nd: Quit the job after your 4 weeks vacation. It's just not worth it if it's a long term headache. If you just feel this way lately, try to weather it...BUT if it's been going on for over a year---cut bait...You will find another job and you will keep your house. It's not either/or. Besides, with your personality you should probably be in ibusiness for yourself (you're a natural leader & you inspire loyalty--rare qualities). 3rd: Let the MIL visit! It's a total benefit that you can't communicate well--tee-hee! Let her help you with all the house stuff, your husband and your son--that's what moms and MILs are great at doing--give her the 'grammy hour'- you know, 6-7 when you are exhaused and just need some time to do one thing rather than multi-task---. That's it--all done advising--!!!!!! Whatever you do, I hope you soon feel better--I'm thinking of you! Cathy PS: My ass looks like a balloon that's been deflated--it just hangs there like a sad, lumpy little bean bag chair---you know how they get after about 5 years--saggy and misshapen--yep, that's my ass!

Hey Sweetie, I know that this is a little late in coming but here goes. First BIG (((((((((((((((HUGGGSSS))))))))))))))) This surgery brings so many changes in such a short time, sometimes it is hard to catch your breath. The only reason I am not with you on the NG thing is because I am filling back out. My boobs are so big they are spilling over my D cups!!!!!!!! And the belly is rounding out every day - my uterus is way above my belly button and only growing! Why don't you go to a salon and get a fabulous new hairstyle, something shorter, sassier and fresh. I know you had long gorgeous hair beofre surgery but maybe a fresh start would help it. Also try some prenatal vitamins - my hair is growing like crazy! The sick kiddo... I can totally relate. I have been through every test in the world to figure out why Grace is a failure to thrive kid when her mom is a moose! And I just put together a report for Nathanial. Since May of last year I have had N to the dr, er, lab or hospitalized 26 times, YES 26! he has the same crap, runny nose cough etc. The thing that helped him most was continiously being on pulmecort via the neubilizer every night. Also, have they considered an asthma typ med ~ Singular or maybe Zyrtec for the allergies. I am not a doc just a mom who knows how bad it sucks to have sick kiddos. Going to FL, your kid is sick. You should qualify for FMLA and your job cannot say a word. If you and hubby are not getting along, may I suggest marriage counseling? I know so cliche but in the long run you would probably benefit. I do not see how his mother coming to stay in your home will help any of your situations unless she wants to chip in and pay the mortgage. Your job ... bills .. mortgage etc. From personal experience, it is possible to downsize an income and make it. I was laid off in Mar of 2003. I was the breadwinner and made 62.5% of our family income. We have a very large mortgage payment. So I needed to figure out how to live on less. Here are some things I did. I looked at everyone of our bills. What did I use it for, was it necessary, what value did it add etc... ~I change my auto insurance from Allstate to Progressive and saved nearly $2000 per year. ~I changed our homeowners from Allstate to Nationwide and saved $500/year ~ I changed & combined cellphone, internet and home phone. I have unlimited long distance so I can stay in contact with my family and friends in other areas. I saved about $1200 per year on this. ~ I took some money out of my retirement and paid of the stupid little bills that were hanging around. ~ I opened a home daycare. This has huge tax advantages ... mortgage, mort interest, electricity, water, heat, food are all items that can be deducted as a percentage from your income tax. ~ We stopped doing tons of luxury stuff .. last minute weekend get aways, spa, shopping sprees, new designer clothes. ~ We only send hubby's work stuff to the cleaner - I used to send everything - even t-shirts to the dry cleaner. ~ My car is now nearly 10 years old, the one we have for my sister is the same age and hubby's car is even older. So of course, this means no payments. ~ I spend less on food b/c we used to eat almost every meal out - while we were at work and home. Now i cook a lot or we use restaurant.com for dining certificates. While we did not purchase my childhood home, we did purchase a very nice home that I am quite attached to. You see, I grew up on Welfare and made something of my life ~ this house was a huge accomplishment ~ almost a dreamhome of sorts -- big, beautiful, new, custom designs, big yard, big garage --- etc ... So your wanting to stay there is not silly for me getting rid of my house would have been a "failure" in my mind. If you did not want solution suggestion, I am sorry. I just like to fix things .. I am a fixer personality! Love ya tons and God Bless! Jen