I'm upset...

Actually I'm more then a little upset right now, and it's something that has been brewing since about June and I just don't know what to do about it. In June I 'officially' became thinner then my mother, and well she's not handling it well at all. If she hears someone pay me a compliment she immediately has to jump in and say something like "I've gained all the weight she's lost. HAHAHAHAHA" etc. It's driving me nuts. Now I realize this is her issue, not mine -- but I can't help but feel horrible each and every time she does it. Last night we were at Wal-Mart and I tried on a this red velvet cami with matching jacket to wear this holiday and the size I picked up was a large. She immediately looks at it and says that pretty, but you'll need a bigger size. I didn't say anything but went in to try it on and it fit well, but I just didn't like it on me. So I step out to show her to get her opinion and all she says while laughing is "You skinny *****". I got pissed, undressed and then put the outfit back on the rack. I hardly spoke to her the rest of the time we shopped. Since high school, I have ALWAYS been heavier then she is. I think that she felt better about herself when I was fatter. Now we have a holiday party for my dad's work on Dec 15th. No one there has seen me since the last Christmas party. They all know I had surgery, but they haven't seen me, so I know that someone will say something about my weight loss. Usually my mother is glued to my side during these parties and if someone pays me a compliment instead of enjoying it... I'll be waiting for the other shoe to drop because I know my mom will then jump in and comment about how she's gained all the weight I've lost. If I don't sound sympathetic to her in this email... I truly am. But I guess I just don't know how to deal with her comments etc. Have any of you had any similar situations? If so, how did you deal with them? Cuz' I'm at an absolute loss. Thanks for letting me vent! Susan

It's interesting how others seem to take what we do as a direct attack on them. My older sister (who is the only one of my sisters that has a weight problem other than me) hardly ever talks to me, but when she does she asks "so how much have you lost now", if I tell her she then proceeds to say well that's X number of pounds since I talked to you last time. So, she must be keeping track! She has made it a point to tell me she has NEVER had to buy plus sizes, PLEASE! She has to be at least a 24. I don't even care, her weight is her issue to deal with. My choices have nothing to do with her. At this point I just ignore her comments and her jealousy, but I don't live near her and hardly have to talk to her. I am sure it would be a lot different if I were in your situation and was close to her like you are to your Mom. I am sorry your Mom feels this way. She obviously is jealous of your success and that is sad. She should be happy for you. Can you confront her about it? Not in a negative way, but just tell her you want to clear the air? Or would that make things worse? I personally am of the belief that you need to get things like that out in the open or it will just become a bigger problem! Leeanne

Susan, My mother and I are not close. We hardly talk but when I'm in the hospital sometimes she might shock the crap out of me and call, like she cares. Only to say "You never should have had the surgery! If I wanted to I could go to doctor, doctor, doctor and I bet I could find someone who would operate on me. But I'm not crazy to risk my life like that". She says this because she can't have the surgery. She saw a surgeon and he told her since she had a hernia and has mesh in that it is not doable. Yes, maybe if she searched she might find someone and might have problems. But that was not my case. I saw a doctor years ago and he suggested against the surgery because of my history of blood clots. When I decided I really wanted the surgery I researched it and on OH I found several people with clots who had the surgery. I went to see a surgeon who told me he needed time to consider it and I should do the same. He took 2 weeks but I already knew I wanted it. He did say I had to have a greenfield filter, which is also what all my research and friends on OH told me. I had the filter put in and have had no problems with clots. The problems I have were totally unforseeable. She is just jealous I think. Because both my sister and I had it and are smaller than she is and she wants to lose weight. Not to mention she's a total ____, I can't use that word and shame on me. But no mother should be that mean to her children!! She's mean all the time. So this is no surprise to me. I wish you luck with dealing with your mother. The best thing my DH and I ever did was to give up our land (it was next door to my mother's) and move 5 hours away!! Now I don't have to deal with her everyday! Which is why we are not close anymore. I stood up to her and she couldn't stand that. Good Luck! I will be praying for you, dear! Hugs, Julie

Hi Susan, I wish I had some advice for you, sorry you have to deal with this. Just remember you worked hard to lose your weight. Just smile & enjoy the nice compliments you receive.

Susan~ I am so sorry you have to go thru this! My heart goes out to you. I know it cant be easy. I would do anything to have my mom here to share my success with but I would rather have her gone then to be put thru what your mom is doing to you! You know what I think? You need to go back and buy that velvet cami and jacket, and show off your success!!! (sorry fiesty side is coming out!) Girl you so deserve it and dont need to hear the negatives she is spewing! Like Leeanne said you may want to confront her with it because if you dont all _____ might break lose! But then again she may finally stop with the snide comments and you will get it off your chest! I think you need to go buy the outfit! If you do please promise me you will take pictures and post them so we can also see how great you look!!!! I wish you all the best and hope you can get thru this! Just know we are here for you~! Suzette

I totally understand your situation and I just think its her way of dealing with it, its her problem and unfortunatly its hurting you. Funny how we hurt the ones we love. My teenage daughters have had an issue with there fat mom getting close to there size my 15 year old accused me of getting in her closet and trying on her clothes when she was not at home, I had told her I tried on her formal that was to big for her from last year because I needed something to wear to a blacktie affair. (she thinks I try on her clothes just to see how close I am getting to her size) My other daughter that I think is about my size won't even consider trying on something I buy or anything in that size because she is afraid that she will be as big as I am, ( I wear a size 4 or 6 depending on the cut.) I think they have always known me as big and can't stand the fact that they would ever be that big. Its funny how since my surgery they have both dropped a few sizes, healthwise this is awesome and they are so freaked about it I don't think they will ever have a weight problem. Good Luck with your MOM Tori

OK my Social Worker hat is on. It sounds to me like your mother has some very strong competition issues with you. Like you said, this is her issue. Somehow she feels threatened by your weight loss. Have you ever recommended she get therapy? The other issue is, why does this bother you so much. Yes she is being catty and *****y, but you seem to expect that from her. So you have to work at desensitizing yourself from her comments. Have a standard re torte, like, "Good one Mom." Then change the subject. When she sees that she no longer gets the reaction from you that she wants and expects, she just may drop the whole thing. Now Social Worker hat is off. I'm sorry that she is making you nuts. Maybe you can cut back on how much time you have to spend with her. I'm sending you hugs, Ronna

Susan, I'm so sorry you are having to deal w/ something like this w/ your mother. You should be "safe" around your own mom. Mine also lives in town and I am now officially smaller than her. She's just happy for me. She never says anything much anymore about how much I've lost, but a couple of weeks ago said, "I've got 2 new sweaters that I bought that are too small. You can take them." Maybe you should confront your mom nicely and get it out in the open. She'll probably keep her mouth closed then. Best wishes w/ your mom. Karla