Confession!!!!!!!!

I think that almost everyone can relate here. For me, I have good days and not so good days. For me it's sugar free candy that does me in (and it makes me dump too). It's my old "gotta eat all there is" that ends up making me sick But I still do it, why? Cause my innerd's have changed but my head still need some work. But I'm trying to redirect myself to other things that won't be as distructive and I think I'm winning I have found this great flavored water that tastes great and fills me up. It is slighly carbonated but isn't too gasy like regular soda. I have found it at Target as well as my local grocery stores. And this has been my new treat lately Anyway, don't beat yourself up kiddo. No one is perfect and the one's who try to be are the ones who end up in real trouble. Hang in there and just keep it real....one day at a time. Sending hugs, Ronna

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Here I thought that I was the only one who screwed up. Id been SO compliant to my eating programme, so careful..until 2 weeks ago..my sorority Holloween party..beside my plate lay the various treats that we all get from each other, and there sata huge bag of choclate bars...now I turned down the box of choclates as it was passed around the table..four times I silently held my breath so I couldnt smell that aroma that calls to me, yes...Im a chocoholic! *hangs her head in shame* but there was the bag of chcolate bars..all my favourites..that means all choclate bars that are made..okay, I confess. First I ate one tiny choclate bar when no one was looking..then another..and another..stuffing the empty wrappers into my purse..feeling the shame that I had allowed my addiction to be set free again...when I was done those, I attached the dishes of jellybeans sitting beside me..first it was just the black jellybeans..then the red, then the orange...you know how that goes..and then, how could I leave those three small dishes of just green jelly beans alone ? so they went too...and I dont dump!! I went home that night feeling so ashamed and hating myself..it was the ONLY time since my Jan 24th surgery that Id fallen to my weakness! If only I could at least barf but I couldnt even do that..I was doomed! The next morning, I started with my usual protein shake brekkie and continued thru that day and the next and the next, back on track...thankfully, I was able to stop this in it's tracks and not allow myself to dwell too long on my human-ness...pick myself up by my now saggy butt and put me back on the stright and narrow. We are all human..we all make mistakes..we all had this surgery because we wanted to live....it doesnt mean that we can never again feel the chocolate melting in the heat of our mouth..but now, in moderation...Im just not ready for that moderation yet and, until then, NO chocolate for me! Hurray for us that we recognize the danger and vow to stop NOW! If I can do it, so can you!! Nancy B

The carbs do call our names from time to time. I try to limit mine, but popcorn is my vice, but I try not to eat much when I do. I do fairly well w/ not eating much carbwise during meals, unless it is something made w/ some carbs. I never let my self give into the Halloween candy this year, but I do eat 2-3 bites of dessert when I'm somewhere eating that has a good dessert. It is hard to not eat them. Unfortunately, chips still taste really good, so I only eat a few occasionally. I too, would be munching down on them if I got the chance. I do eat soy chips w/ dip, so I still feel like I'm getting the good stuff from the dip taste. We just need to all hang in there and support each other. Karla

Hey there surgery sister!! Boy, I haven't posted in forever, and the day that I do here you are with this post -- this is the exact reason I'm back reading the board again! To try to get back on track with my food choices and what I am doing. This weekend I felt like I made the worst choices EVER. First, I went out with my friends both Friday night and Saturday night, and indulged in too many empty calorie drinks (tho it was rather fun...tee hee), which then led me to go with them to a 24 hour Mexican restaurant down the street where I partook in some 2:30 am carnitas. The next day we went to Dave & Busters where, instead of the salad, I chose their chicken nachos for lunch. Dinner that night was Thai food, and the next morning was champagne brunch where I pigged out on the tortilla chips so much that I couldn't even eat the Huevos Rancheros I ordered anyway. I excused my choices as it being that time of the month for me, but honestly, I've been lightening up on myself more and more over the past few weeks. Even if I don't actually EAT a lot of the food in front of me still, I am pissed off at myself for the choice of food in front of me. I am making a concerted effort starting TODAY to change these slowly evolving patterns that got me in trouble in the first place. Thanks for posting this! Beth

Girls--- I'm sooo with you. Does anyone have any ideas for how we can stick together and do well over the holidays? I'd be open to anyone's good ideas....maybe I'll post this on a separate thread to get more responses---- Cathy

Room in here for one more? I have been horrible as well. I guess my biggest regret is the "what if?" I have lost over 100 lbs since January, I need to lose 50 more. Would I be at goal if I had maintained my diet? Will I ever make it to goal? Now that I KNOW I don't dump will I ever have will power? We only have 12-18 months of "prime" weight loss. Why am I so F-ING weak that I wasted almost 4 months. Were the cookies, ice cream, egg rolls,candy,chips...worth it? Why did I spend $20,000.00 just to sabotage myself? Oh well... I am starting a program with a personal trainer and three other women on Monday. Wish me luck! V

I have been a long time lurker on this board, but this time I had to jump into the discussion. I too have been struggling with the old "food demons" in my head...the ones telling me that I NEED to eat this or that, namely sweets and carbs. I have been eating things like chips, candy, cake and bread. I feel like such a failure. It starts lilke this every year, halloween candy leads into Thanksgiving turkey and dressing and that leads into Christmas ham and pumkin pie. How am I going to make it through the holidays and not gain some weight back? This is crazy, we have come too far to turn back to our old ways..... HELP!!!!!!! Cathy

you look great what a change. dave

WOW this post really struck home. I truly thought I stood alone in how my eating has been. I have been bad. Real bad. I feel very ashamed of myself. Although I do dump of I eat more than approx 12-15 grams of sugar at once, I used to dump when I ate more than 7 grams. With this in mind, I have been taking advantage of this. I bought a box of pure butter shortbread cookies, they have 7 grams of sugar in 3 small cookies. (also 190 calories.....23g carbs.....9g of fat) so I ate 3 for a morning snack yesterday, and then I had 3 at night yesterday. No problems. They tasted good. I am overwhelmed with guilt when I do this, I need some new willpower. At each meal I still eat fairly small amounts. but I eat often, i think I have become what ppl often refer to as a "grazer" and I dont like it. I am glad that I am not alone in this. I have already reached my surgeons goal, but not my personal goal, and I worry that I will gain weight back, it scares me to death. I want to lose 10 more pounds, and if i keep up my current behaviors that will NEVER happen. Thanks for listening to my confession!

When I read all of these responses I could have cried if I was not at work. I thought I was the only one who over the past couple of weeks can't control my eating. I have stopped losing weight (only 1 # in 3 weeks) and I am still 50# from goal... I feel somewhat hopeless and confused. What happened?