Less attention

Ok, so pre WLS I figured that I would get more attention from people post WLS. I was wrong. I don't know what the deal is, or if I just had high expectations, but I seriously get LESS attention from men now. I also notice that less women talk to me in general. I have a few theories as to why, but I guess I will never know...most likely its a combonation of factors. Who knows... but I was wondering if I am alone in this? Do any of you find this to be the case? For example, I have not been asked out on a single date since my WLS. What gives And I notice that women are less likely to strike up friendly conversation at places like the salon, etc. Sorry, I am rambling, but tonight I went to a party and REALLY noticed it... I am an approachable person, and in the past would meet people quite easily. Now, not so much... and its not that I was some anti-social person and expected it to magically be different post WLS... I have always been a social person and I NEVER expected it to come to a dead hault. Thoughts? Personal experiences?

Hi Mary, I have had just the opposite experience. I get talked to and approached all the time. My latest expreience was taking packages (of too big clothes) to FedEx. As I carried one lagre box in a younger man (20 something) held the door for me. I thanked him and said if he would like he could do that a few more times. He said better than that, I will help you carry the rest of your items. And he did! I have taken many of boxes to ship when I was 300 lbs and never had someone help me. Even if I had the baby and was trying to balance here and the packages (I did not have her on the aforementioned evening) I could hardly get someone to hold the door. I find that store associates are generally more attentive and eager to help. I get doors held and people talk to me a lot. This is true from the library to WalMart. Maybe this has to do with the kids, I generally have at least 1 but mostly 3 or 4 of them with me. They are all under 3 and we all all different colors with different hair textures and such. Quite a little melting pot in our family. Maybe it is that people are curious about my unique family makeup. I dunno... As far as women socially, I really do not get out much to parties and such where I do not know people. I have a theory for you, as obese women, we are no threat. Fat, jolly, happy, easy to talk to and not a chance of stealing my man or even being competition for those fishies left in the pond. Just my thoughts and ramblings. God Bless! Jen

My experience has been more like Jen's, but maybe that's due to my age. I'm a lot older than you. You're just too young and pretty now! I find that a lot more people talk and do things for me. I guess they were avoiding the giant fat woman. I also feel that I have a lot more confidence and feel more "normal". Everybody's different, who knows. Maybe Mr. Right will be right around the corner. I have a niece who is about your age and gorgeous and she doesn't talk much about going out on dates. Of course, her's is probably because she's really picky and snooty. I'm sure you are not that way. Hang in there! Karla 337/210/150

My experience is more like Jen and Karla's. I have always been a social person, and people have always talked to me, but now it seems that the conversations are longer and more friendly. Hazel

Good morning-its funny you post this because I was just discussing this with my husbad last night-My experiences have been more like Jen's-People have been alot more nice to me in public and i have acually received most of my compliments from women which amazes me-I was in Lady Footlocker the other day purchasing a new pair of shoes and the salesgirl who was helping someone else came up to me to tell me how perfect my legs were! I couldnt believe it-too funny.

I felt as thought I was getting less attention from men after surgery until I met my boyfriend. But we had known eachother for 11 years, so it wasn't like he was new to me....maybe to my new body, but that's it. I don't think I've noticed anything from women....you know how some of us can be anyway. April

Hey Mary, I have a thought to share....You are a beautiful woman and I wonder if the men are afraid to approach you because they think you are already taken... as for the women...I agree with Jen that perhaps as a heavy person they thought we have no chance to "steal" their man..but now that you are smaller and beautiful and sexy they are afraid. Give it time and make yourself approachable. Even if that means you make the first move...I am sure when you least expect it Mr. Right will come out of lurking... ~~hugs and well wishes~~ Chris

Hi Mary. I know exactly where you're coming from. I've been with my husband for 10 years. And the past ten (fat) years I have had several offers from men, and several quick friendships with other women, at the work place and socially. Now it seems like when I want to strut my stuff the most, people are shying away from me. My only thought is that at 350 pounds I wasn't a threat and I've always been a fun outgoing person. Now men might not be so willing to flirt because they think a georgous gal like myself (LOL) must have a big strong man guarding her honor. ANd women are just funny like that. Could I possibly be a threat? No, but it's nice to think I might be! Bridget

OK----I want to hear your theories.....am waiting..... I have some, too, and want to compare.....c'mon....let's dish.... Cathy

Cathy, Here are a few random thoughts/theories for you: ~ Perhaps I am a bit more intimidated by men now, because I knew before WLS that if they were not interested in me it could be because I was so overweight... now if they are not interested in me, I can not blame my wieght, its just ME they are not interested in. So, maybe I am more cautious with them and thus have not had the attention, because before I was open to them, knowing that the rejection would be my weight (or at least thats what I told myself). ~ Perhaps I am more confidant in myself and don't have the need to overcompensate to be nice to all women I meet, and I don't find the need to prove myself to them, so I am content with not trying to be their friend and thus they do not return in kind. ~ I also agree with some ideas posted here already... I guess I should clarify that in public with complete STRANGERS I do get more courtous attention (holding doors for me, sales people willing to help me find things). But I was speaking of more interpersonal relationship and friendship when I orginally posted. Thanks for all the comments everyone too... very interesting topic in my opinon. So much is based on looks in the world today.