What do you think it will be like..

What do you think it will feel like when we are at goal and we meet people who have no idea that we lost a hundred or hundreds of pounds? Talk about identity crisis. We are becoming new people on the outside and there are so many people to come that will never know us as we were. Which is nice in a way but strange in another. I hadn't really thought about what it would feel like before but I recently made a new friend and yesterday we got to talking about surgery and although they were great they just didn't have that "look of understanding pride and appriciation" that everyone who has seen where I have come from has had. (We were talking about it because we are going to be roommates in less that a month and I thought I might as well get that out since it is such a big part of my life). After I did, it was a kind of an empty feeling. I mean on one hand its great to have your first impression reduced 100 lbs from where you were six months ago but instead of appriciating that I just had a "false" feeling, like they didn't really know me." What do you guys think? Have you experienced this? It is just more "head shy?" Jenny

It is funny you say that...Last night I went to a Home Interiors Party at a friends house, and these people don't see me all the time, and there were some people who I never met. A lot of my friends were complimenting me on how good I looked. And I was thinking to myself that those who didn't know me were probably thinking what are they talking about she is still fat. So I felt compelled to tell them I had gbp surgery, and showed them my DL picture. Now why did I need to do that. Then they asked lots of questions, and it was okay. Kind of weird. Margo

I guess since we all had surgery around the same time, we're kinda feeling the same feelings, Jenny... just last night was shopping with a friend - started out upstairs in the "women's" department and then ended up downstairs in the "missy" department (they carry up to a size 16)... all of the other women were normal sized, and I felt totally out of place - maybe just my "obese" paranoya, but I could have sworn this one woman gave the "look", like lady you should be upstairs... but upstairs most of the stuff was too big - have you experienced this yet? It was weird for sure. I do get what you're saying, though... my biggest fans are my family and they say things to me on a near daily basis that makes me feel good and rather inspired. But like you said, those who don't know of our accomplishments, don't quite get it... A friend of mine carries around a photo of herself at her highest weight, and when she wants to share her WLS story, she pulls out that photo... a lot of times she just doesn't share her story with new people, but then she's been at goal for about 2.5 years now. One thing my sister mentioned to me the other day was that my grandchildren are never going to remember me as "fluffy", and will wonder "who is that woman" in the photos with them when they were teeny - LOL... I had never thought of it that way, but she's right... I'm starting to work on a bit of the head stuff now, though... trying to remember that I am just "me", no matter what the outside looks like... It's hard, because I do feel a little of the inside is changing, too - mainly because I feel so dang good and can do so much more than I've done in years. I also have regrets for not having WLS sooner -- kinda like I've wasted a few years... but oh, well... at least we made the decision to get our lives back now, and WE ARE DOING IT!!! Great topic!!!!! ((((skinny hugs)))) wendyb

I have had all different responses from "I heard you had the surgery" - in a negative way to ones that were excited and wanted to know all about it. I have received more support from the older ladies at church. The ones around my age and younger, not sure about them. I hit my 100 lb. mark during VBS. I went in that evening and shared with a couple ladies and all I got is "that is nice." So not sure what their feelings are there. I did have that empty feeling and wished I hadn't said anything. But I guess the problem lies with them..not me. My latest was the gas station attendant. I have been getting my gas at the is one station for over 25 years. This one attendant has been working there 15 years or more. When I pulled in last week, he said he had to look at my credit card to see who I was. He was appologizing because he thought he offended me but really I was happy that I had lost weight and look like a whole new person. I guess not everyone gets as excited as we do about losing weight. They need to experience the struggles we have had...then maybe they will change their "tune".

I love it that we're all experiencing similar things and can come here and share with each other! My experience has been that the people who are the least supportive or don't show interest in my achievement are the ones who have never had a weight issue. They are just clueless to how much work it takes on our part, before or after the surgery! One of my sisters is included in that group.....nearly 6 months after my surgery she has yet to say anything to me about my weight loss. My mom and other sister have been great, but they have struggled with weight for years. I went to a conference this week and saw some work acquaintances I haven't seen in a year and they were remarking about how great I look and calling me skinny....and I'm thinking to myself "Yeah, right....I still weigh 184 pounds and have this huge panni and gut.." and the whole time was worrying about what other people were thinking (especially those standing in the group who did not know me before). I'm sure they were wondering why someone called me skinny. And like Wendy said, I get really weirded out when shopping for clothes now. I want to go to the women's dept because that's where I'm comfortable shopping but nothing fits anymore and when I go to the misses dept I get all overwhelmed with the sheer volume of choices and options that you don't get when you shop in plus size. Also, have you noticed that sales clerks are a lot more friendlier and willing to help you compared to when you were MO? Just makes me feel all self conscious (sp?) Hopefully one day my head and emotions will catch up with the rest of me!! Mary Ellen 280/255/184/160

it is weird to think about. I mean, I've seen people who haven't recognized me or didn't realize who I was at first and they are blown away, but people that we're just meeting for the first time might not be so impressed, LOL! I guess I never really thought about that b4. And you're right, when people we know are going on and on about how good we look, others are probably thinking "Huh?" but just remember that we all look great and are doing a terrific job so we deserve those compliments and deserve to feel good about ourselves and our accomplishments! Congratulations Everyone! Tracy B 328/216/???

Oh Jenny, I am right there with you girl! My biggest champions and fans are not my family but my close friends that live here locally. They have all been right there with me through thick and thin, quite literally. One of my close friends, Irene, has been battling her own MO with Atkins for the past several years. She has lost over 115 pounds but it has taken her two years instead of my six months. Instead of being bitter, she is one of my biggest champions. She is guiding me through the world of low-carb dieting, and I am guiding her through the world of exercise and athletics. Both of us are strong in one and weak in the other so for the past two months she has been living with me while my hubby has been gone in TX (for the military). It has been the biggest blessing of my life since my surgery date! I love her even more now than I ever have. Now here is where that "but" comes in that I know you have noticed in the tone of this post so far... I am moving soon. Hubby has been assigned to his current Army unit for over 10 years now. He has been a "special operator" for 11+ years and to put it frankly, he is burnt out. He recently reenlisted for "indefinite" (the Army decides when he can get out---sometime after retirement cut-off which is in 8 years) so he knows he is not getting out of the Army. However, he wants to go to some "regular" med. evac. unit or go work in "some clinic" somewhere and just take a break from the high operations tempo that he has grown accustomed to. He really wants to go back to college, so going to some other base and working in a "regular army" job would be ideal for him right now. He is the scary part, since we started dating; he has been in the same unit on the same base.... I am so "set in my ways" now that the thought of actually living a "normal military life" is scary as heck to me! I am not used to moving every 2-3 years, making new friends at each base, going to undesirable assignments, having to find a new job, etc... and the thing I fear the most is that I will "loose my champions." Ironically, I am not the only one moving! One of my best friends, Irene, is an audio engineer (she can work sound boards, editing for radio, movies, TV, music, etc...) and she can't find a new job locally (all she has done is interned at every major studio in Nashville) so she is looking for a job in another state. (IF ANYONE KNOWS OF A PLACE SHE COULD APPLY, PLEASE E-MAIL ME!) My best friends and religious leaders, Jessica and Chris are moving to Illinois so he can attend graduate school at ISU. (They are the ones I hosted the going away party for this weekend.) In addition, two of my friends from the unit are moving away. These folks are some of my biggest champions and supporters. Not to mention the ones who are staying behind here in TN/KY.... Monica, Laurie, Marcus, Anita, Stacy, etc... Matter of fact since we are all moving on in different directions we had a parting ceremony last night and it was so full of emotion and tears yet liberating and inspiring all at the same time. Talk about being torn in different directions. My family and friends from my childhood live so far away that the only way they can keep up with me is over the net. They have not been big champions for me since I am not in their lives on a daily basis. Some of them support me and others wish I had never had the surgery in the first place. Therefore, that has always been a source of conflict for me! It drives me insane that I find myself seeking validations from others. Like how I refuse to go get my new military ID card.... hubby reenlisted so I am due for a new one but since he reupped for "indef" this will be my LAST military ID card until he retires. I hate to go get a new one since I am not at goal weight yet. PLUS, I somewhat secretly like having to hand that over and "defend myself;" that it is really me just add 90 pounds. It is a nice source of validatation. Sometimes it annoys me and I tell myself... tomorrow, go get a new one and then the next day I chicken out and keep that "Jabba-The-Hut" ID card. So after all this rambling, what is my solution? I have no idea! LOL! However, I have started something that seems to help... I am now doing daily affirmations. When I pass a mirror (or when I am brushing my teeth), I look at my image and say "You are beautiful"; "You are sexy"; "You are worth it"; and other present tense positive self affirmations. I also did a visualizations exercise called a "treasure map." I sat down with a bunch of images, magazines, newspapers, etc... and cut out things that support my new affirmation. On a clean sheet of paper I wrote, "I accept my body at any size." and I drew a picture of myself with images of skinny and fat things, a picture of myself, positive things, words of encouragement, etc... I then glued them all to a sheet of paper that I pasted to my refrigerator. I see it everyday when I open that fridge to get out food and it reminds me that I can accept myself at this size and I can work towards something better, either way I am going to be happy with it. I am also getting one of those "glamour photography" sittings done and I am going to dig out a picture of me at my highest weight and start carrying both pictures with me in my day planner. I also wish I had before and after shots, well I guess I should just do it and start carrying them with me in case the subject comes up and I need them. LOL! Well I guess that I have rambled on long enough and I think I am going to move this post to my journal since it appears that I have admitted quite a bit that probably should be in my journal. LOL! I also think I am going to spend some time scanning in my various ID cards into one of my graphics programs and use them to make a college or something. Perhaps I will post it to my website or online journal too! Brightest Blessings for a Wonderful Day~ Jamie M. aka Lady Autumn Weight- 257/168/146 BMI- 44.1/28.8/25 Height- 5'4" Total Weight Loss: -89 lbs. Surgery Date- 1/19/05 Visit my OH profile or stop by My Weight Loss Journey Website at: home.bellsouth.net/p/PWP-LadyAutumnsWLSjourney Visit my Live Journal at: livejournal.com/users/magickalmom